I’m from the dirty South, and I can honestly say that there’s nothing like a Southern girl. From the way they talk, move and dress, I think they are the baddest group of women. LA has those model-looking chicks and NYC got the ‘Ricans but they’re just not messing with the South. This may be my personal belief but it doesn’t stop me from getting my thang on when I’m moving around the country.

With me being a rapper, and my earlier reference to LA model chicks, it’s only right I talk about our favorite type, video chicks. Every time I’m in LA, I meet one that peaks my interest, and this day was no different.

It started the day before I was supposed to shoot a video for my first single. My manager and I were putting the finishing touches on everything from my wardrobe, my car and my favorite prop, video chicks. We were in the middle of a promotional tour so neither of us could sit in on the casting call, to my dismay, and the crew sent over pictures and video files of the best girls dancing. My manager and I dropped everything and sent our driver to nearest Kinko’s. Inside our worst fears were realized. Not only were all of these girls unacceptable, they had no bodies and couldn’t dance to save their lives.

Damn. less than 24 hours until show time and we got no women. What’s a rap video without women? That led us to plan B.

My manager knows a female friendly magazine editor (think King or Smooth but I can’t say which) and hit him immediately. The editor assured us that we would have more than enough women on the set the next day. Cool.

24 hours later, five of LA’s finest are in wardrobe getting right. Next is the daunting task of choosing the lead. Now this is no split hair decision because not only will the entire world see this video, but who wants to use the same girl that you know has been getting slutted out by one of your industry counterparts? Fuck it, I spotted one in the corner getting her makeup done, and she was just my speed; redbone, with the high cheekbones like a young Tisha Cambell with an ass to match. She had a long ass weave, but hey, we all have our short comings, right? I let the director know my choice and hit my trailer to get dressed.

Ok, it’s now after lunch and I haven’t shot a single scene with my lead chic, (let’s just call her, Diamond) what the fuck is going on here? Finally its time for the club scene and I got baby girl next to me. The director comes over and tells her to rub my chest and my neck while she’s dancing. Now I wasn’t really feeling the chest part but I obliged. What’s a rap video without the rapper getting rubbed down by a video chick? After what felt like a million takes of the same ass-shaking, bottle-poppin’, chain-flashing scene, things began to get interesting. Maybe it was the liquor we were drinking or baby just chose, but she went from chest rubbing to ear licking and crotch grabbing.

With that as the last shot of the long day, I started walking to my trailer to change and get ready for a night cap while Diamond ran to get her $350.00 time sheet signed by the casting agent. As I walked, I began to think if I had any dips in LA. Nope, and I wasn’t spending the night alone so I had one of my people grab Diamond out of the casting line and bring her to my trailer. When she came through the doors, Baby Girl tried to put her ‘I’ve never done anything like this before’ look on her face, but after a few words I could tell that this was far from her first walk of shame. Diamond handed her phone number over faster than that time sheet.

When I got back to my room, I hit her to set something up for the night. Diamond immediately invited me to the crib but I’ve heard too many tales of set ups and shake downs by these scandalous LA chicks who love nothing more than to get a nigga. So, I quickly set my own plans and headed out to scoop her. I was halfway to the valley when I realized I had nowhere to take her because I didn’t really feel like taking the girl all the way back to my hotel. Fuck it, it’ll be a high school style, backseat-of-my jeep-let’s-swing-an-episode. When I got to the crib, I told her that I didn’t really have any plans and, again, she invited me in. And again, I quickly set my own plan and we started riding.

After 45 minutes of “I like your song,” and “What are your goals?,” we parked in a lot not too far from her place. Another five minutes, Diamond was giving me a professional and I was playing with her between my fingers. Now I’m a grown ass man and haven’t gotten car ass in years so finishing the business in my ride was out of the question. Again, she suggested her house. Now, I’m not sure if it was the great head or if I was just plain slipping but I caved and she serviced me all the way there. Inside Diamond’s house, she led me to a back bedroom and I kept thinking “I can’t get caught up on some bullshit over this chic” but her mouth alleviated my doubts and I let go.

Another 45 minutes later, I told her I had an early flight and rushed back to my hotel. It was about 4:30 A.M. when I arrived in my room and I went straight to sleep because I had a photo shoot the next morning. A few hours later my manger woke me up and I didn’t bother to tell him about the previous night. He would’ve just given me shit for it.

Later, as I sat between the photo shoot’s set-ups, I perused a magazine (King or Smooth, I still won’t tell), and not even 10 pages in, who do I see but Diamond. I laughed to myself and read her bio, as if I hadn’t heard it all before. I think we’ve talked twice since I got back home, Fuck it.

-Southern Gentleman

If you like Southern Gentleman’s point of view, check out the rest of his shenanigans here.

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