Head Doesn’t Count, Right?

Maybe I’m just too old school. Not Jay-Z old school because he was born in ’69 and I’m a real 80’s baby but I mean more mature. I say this because last weekend while at a club, I spoke to this young dude, who had to be about 18 years old, and the topic of cheating came up. The young dude, let’s call him 90’s Baby, barely got into the club in the first place but the bouncer didn’t care because the crowd was 75% scantily-clad women.

As a married man, I don’t touch but damn it I look! So understandably, standing in the midst of all of this scattered ass, 90’s Baby was pretty hype- me, not so much. Then 90’s Baby turns to me and says:

Want to know what 90’s Baby said? Keep readin’…More...

90’s Baby: “Damn, it’s a lot of chicks in here dog. Everybody in here gonna fuck tonight for sure.”

Me: “Nah man, I’m cool.”

90’s Baby: “What dog?!? You see these ho’s in here? You crazy, homeboy.”

Me: “Nah, I ain’t crazy, just married.”

90’s Baby: “Oh damn that sucks. Well, at least you can still get head. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.”

As I stood there and contemplated his logic, I realized that this isn’t the first time I’ve heard such foolishness. It seems that the younger generation is a little more cavalier about the oral portion of sex. Hell, on the flipside, I know chicks in their 30’s who won’t give head because it’s “gross” (“Do they still make you?” says Chris Rock). This could all be a generation gap. Don’t get me wrong I’ve gotten my fair share of oral blessings. I’m Puerto Rican sooo I’m genetically predisposed to eating pussy. But is giving/getting head cheating?

I know a ton of folk who would argue no. So to help me with this little debate, here are some general questions that I ask myself before engaging in any risky behavior with the opposite sex:

Would I voluntarily tell wifey?

If wifey found out, would she cut me?

If the situation was reversed, would I smack the taste out of her mouth?

Answer Key:

Hell No.

Most likely.

And HELL YES (well maybe not smack, but I’d be OUT!).
So getting head from a stranger while in a committed relationship is a no-no. Someone please tell the kids.

Maybe I’m just too grown and sexy. I ain’t gonna front though, while I was in that club, I did get my rub on. I mean, R.Kelly did say that there “ain’t nothin’ wrong with a lil’ bump and grind”… And Kells ain’t never lied, right?

-Al “Brooklyn” Bundy

Want more Bundy? Check out his previous posts here. And just because…

Last 5 posts by Parlour

  • Brown Eyes

    Its mos def cheating. I’m an 80’s baby and also latina, I find out, its OVER. I guess the younger ones are more casual about sex in general. tisk tisk

  • Bundy

    yeah its kinda crazy how non-chalant kids are about oral sex these days; like you still cant catch STDs from going down. Scary!