I try to keep things pretty tight when I’m in a relationship. These days I haven’t really locked myself down for obvious reasons, but when I did, I was a model companion. Alright, alright, I’ve done my fair share of cheating, but in my “real relationships” which I can count them on one hand, I always took care of home and used discretion at all times. I never brought a baby home from another girl, or anything else for that matter. I may have kept a friend or two on the side, but you have to understand that I’ve always had a hard time trusting women. After my first experience with California Girl where I was left with the short end of the stick, my mantra has been ‘I ain’t gonna be the only one that’s faithful in this.’
Excuses aside, I have always looked at marriage as a sacred and holy union, not to be entered lightly. I’ve never even been close to going there. Growing up, I knew I wanted to be like 35 or 40 years old before I tried it.
Quite a few of my friends got married too young; some married because they got pregnant, others because they were “in love.” But the common denominator in each of their relationships is infidelity. How can you really think you’re going to be with somebody for the rest of your life when you only knew them one year before you made that commitment? I understand a little more when you marry your high school sweetheart, but the problem there is your committing your life to someone and haven’t really lived or know how it feels to be with someone else; you’re 20 years old!!! You’re bound to change as a person over the next fifty years.
This brings me to the story of Mary.
Back in high school, I was fairly popular. I had a little bit of money so I had a car, stayed fly, and always had a chick or two. When I met Mary, I was in the 12th grade, the prom had just passed and I was counting down the days until graduation. She was a real innocent type of chick, made good grades, went to church every week, and to the dismay of most of the male student body, had a boyfriend for the previous two and a half years. One day I was cutting class and I saw her at her locker. We spoke for a minute, exchanged numbers, and soon began talking on the phone.
When we first started talking, I saw that she was a good person and true girlfriend material. I was really feeling her, and we started to hang out almost every weekend. Most nights we would hit the drive-in movies, but while we were there nothing ever happened. No kissing, no feels, no nothing!!! The drive-in was my spot, every girl I took there gave it up, and Mary was fronting? It bothered me but at the same time, her actions made me respect her and want Mary even more.
When I approached her about the lack of physicality in our situation she said she knew I was graduating and had been through this situation with her ex. By this time I was ready to make her my girl, but I knew she wasn’t having it. I respected her feelings and fell back. Soon after we stopped talking as much, and another dude came along. They soon got into a relationship and we eventually stopped talking totally.
Almost six years passed before we spoke again and not only had she had a baby, but she’d married her baby’s father. By this time, I had been rapping for awhile and she said that she’d been following my career. When we first started to talk again, I was under the impression that everything was sweet with her and her husband so I really kept things cool. In fact, she even told him all about me. I was cool with it though because I had no plans of getting at her, I mean after allâ€“she was a real good girl and wasn’t about to cheat on her husband.
About six months in to us talking again, the conversations started to get a little more provocative, and I learned of the problems in their marriage. The cheating, the fights, everything. This all meant nothing to me until the day we decided to have dinner. She worked close to one of my favorite eateries, located in the lobby of a prominent hotel, and she had never been there so we thought it would be perfect. This was the first time we’d seen each other since a chance encounter in Wal-Mart right after I graduated high school. When I walked into the lobby of the hotel she was sitting in a chair arguing with her husband on the phone. I sat down next to her and waited for the conversation to end before we entered the restaurant.
Now let me set the scene for you. The hotel’s restaurant is very plush and includes a fully stocked bar. You can sit at a table, but if you would like they have large booths available that seat up to eight people, and have the option of closing off your section with these huge velvet drapes that hang from the 50 ft high ceilings down to the floor. Not knowing if she’d continue her phone conversation, we sat in a booth and had our section closed off.
We started to talk about her argument with her husband and this led to even more conversation about her struggling marriage. Without warning, she started to cry and I immediately put my arm around her shoulder to comfort her. On some real movie shit, she kisses me! Now I can’t front, I’d wanted that kiss since the first time I saw her (walking down the high school hallway, slicked down baby hair and all), but I’d also never done anything like this before and I instantly felt crazy.
However, my guilt was short lived. I started to kiss her too, while I moved my hand across the small of her back. We both lost track of where we were and she reciprocated by rubbing and kissing my neck. The waiter asked if he could enter (they have to ask when the curtain is drawn), and we quickly broke form and granted him admission. He took our orders, left and closed the curtain and as quickly as we’d stopped, we began again. This time she unbuckled my jeans and grabbed my dick.
Again, I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I shook it off as she began to kiss it. I totally succumbed and let her get what she obviously came for. This went on for close to five minutes before she came up and immediately broke down crying again. I didn’t know what to tell her and soon after our food arrived. We both sat silently, looking at the table. When I asked her, “what was that?,” she just shook her head and said she “didn’t know.” We sat silent for maybe 20 minutes before we took our food to go and left.
That night she called me at 1:00 am; her husband had still not come in and she was ready to talk about her exploits at dinner. We both chalked it up to the heat of the moment and changed the subject like nothing ever happened.
That night changed me forever and I learned two things. First, I was no better than anyone else because I thought I would never do anything like that. Second, and more importantly, any womanâ€“no matter how sweet, no matter how religious, no matter how ‘good’â€“will cheat if she is pushed and the opportunity presents itself.
Like Southern Gentleman? Read his last post, “Homegirl.”
Last 5 posts by Hillary Crosley
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