Pause for Porno

Before getting married, your dude was young and rambunctious. I never really had trouble getting women or had any long droughts without sex. But still, porn was a part of my life. As a teenager, I’d often fantasize about becoming a professional porn star. But as I got older, that sorta went out of the window. Who wants to have sex on command? How wack is that?

Now, I didn’t watch porn obsessively or anything, but I had my little collection which my little brother inherited after the wedding. Ironically, since being married I actually have less sex than I did when I was single– go figure? Not that I’m complaining. I have things now that I didn’t have as a single dude like companionship, chores and beautiful children (real talk, my kids are the shit)! I honestly only bring up the lack of sex thing one or two times per year. I don’t feel the need to beat wifey in the head about it. She knows we ain’t doin’ it. But the other day she kinda tripped out on the kid when she was checking her gmail on our laptop and came across some susty sites in my web history.

Now obviously I wasn’t trying to hide anything or I would’ve cleared the history and deleted the cookies. As I understood it, the porn issue was always on some “don’t ask don’t tell shit.” Imagine being at the dinner table, “Yeah baby, that Ice La Fox is a real champ.” It just doesn’t seem right. But when she came across the porn on the computer, she was pretty pissed. When she confronted me about it, I didn’t have shit to say except, “I don’t know, shit happens.” I mean, what did she expect me to say?

I figure it beats fucking around right?!? Maybe I’m dead wrong, but I don’t see the big deal. Now she’s mad at me but fuck it. I’m still gonna visit pichunter.com (I wonder how many of ya’ll are gonna follow that link).

So here is my question to the women:

Does your man’s porn collection bother you?

Is it something to trip over?

Hell, if women were gangsta, they’d join on in!

-Al “Brooklyn” Bundy

Currently Listening to: Plies + Ms. Pretty Pussy (clearly not for work ladies. ;0)

Want more Bundy? Check out his previous post here.

Last 5 posts by Parlour

  • Nikki

    Tell her to make one with you. So then she can’t get mad cause you’ll be watching her over and over again. Worked in my house.

  • Bundy

    FINALLY some good advice. We actually tried that a few years ago, but she burned the tape for fear that when the kids grow up and could use the VCR they’d pop mommy and daddy’s sex tape in by mistake. (The joke’s on her because my kids dont even know what a VCR is- DVDs baby!)

    That’s hot that it worked for you and your man Nikki. I’m gonna bring it up tonight, I’ll let you know how it goes.

  • Brown Eyes

    my mans porn doesnt bother me. I figure its part of dealing with a man. sometimes we pop one in and watch it together. gets things popping, ya know. I might purchase one for him too. he thinks that is the absolutely greatest gift. lol. I’m with u though, its better than cheating.

  • Bundy

    wow u go out and buy him porn?!? Damn i’m getting played. lol.

  • thatchick

    you weren’t tryna hide it but you also didn’t share. men usually say that they don’t bring up certain subject with their significant others because they know how they’d respond. well, you don’t. maybe if you’d share the experience, maybe the sex would not only increase but diversify.

    the other issue is the content of the porn collection. i’d like to believe that i’m a very open-minded woman. no, i know i am but there are limits. if i stumble across the fact that my man is into trannie porn or schizer films (did i spell that right?), my hand’s on the knob…meaning, i’m about to break out. nasty.

    and why should anyone settle for that tired excuse “at least i’m not cheating?” first, you should look at why you aren’t having sex in the first place. is it because both of you work but at the end of the day, it’s your wife that’s cooking, taking care of the kids, etc while you play call of duty III and cruise porn sites? is it because one or both of you gained weight and she is uncomfortable with the change or fears that you don’t find her sexy anymore? or is it because you’re settled in your marreid life so you don’t put the extra effort in anymore and just “climb up on top of her and do your business” with little regard for her needs? once those issues are ruled out, and you’ve shared your porn collection and shopped for some new stuff with her, then you have earned the right to bitch about not getting sex.

  • Nikki

    “thatchick” are you lacking (Jokes people Just Jokes)

  • Bundy

    No “Thatchick” no tranny porn here and I dont even know what a schizer film is… I would google it but im afraid.

    That whole cooking and taking care of the kids excuse doesnt fly- atleast for me I can say that I do my fair share of cleaning and I take an active role with the kids, be it giving baths, or putting them to bed. Plus I work get home from work at about 8pm and usually wind up working from home well into the AM after the wife and kids are asleep.

    As for Call of Duty III- I’ve actually upgraded to Call of Duty 4, but it’s collecting dust. I’m so busy with work and raising a family and taking care of the house I play Xbox maybe an hour a week if that much.

    In actuality both my wife and I have lots of “chores.” The problem is when sex becomes a chore too! I was never really one to just roll over on top of her and copulate… a mood needs to be set, and anticipation should be built (now dont get me wrong sometimes u just need a quicky- that goes for both men and women) But for the most part i take intimacy seriously.

    But dont you think it’s kinda sucks when your significant other is like “Ok i have to wash the dishes, fold the clothes, put the kids to bed, take out the garbage and then jerk off my husband”…
    kinda takes the passion out of it, am i right?

  • Brown Eyes

    Thats true, but if we let our daily lives get in the way of our intimate lives, we wouldnt be having sex at all. There has to be some comprimise here. To me, the act of making love has to also be set off with the proper mood. To me love and sex go hand in hand. I show you I love you and appreciate you, not only by telling you, but by expressing it physically. I hope there are some hugs and kisses at least going down.

  • thatchick

    no, nikki, lol. that’s why i know how to work on it. and bundy, while i’m happy to hear that the scenarios i presented don’t apply to you, i now understand your plight a little more. yes, it does suck that our routines get in the way of intimacy. i’m all for making love too, brown eyes, but it doesn’t always have to be candle-lit with slow jams in the background, especially when you have kids. sometimes, you gotta get in whenever and however you can. so, catch her when she’s washing the dishes or pin her up against the wall with a deep, passionate kiss before she leaves for work. take a break from working overnight to put her to sleep or wake her up with one of those “roll-n-pokes” you guys are good for. i know i love waking up with a smile. or just take her out on a regular date. and maybe she’ll start coming up with her own ways to get it in.

  • Bundy

    See “thatchick” – i think you boiled down to the root of the problem. Its not the lack of sex, but rather the lack of overall passion.
    The lack of sex kills me yes, but the lack of passion is the death blow. I’m all about that spontaneous sneak-up-behind-you-and-kiss-u-on-the-neck-action, but it just never seems to be the right time for her.

    i’ve asked her if it was me… maybe my breath stinks, maybe I’ve put on some weight- I willing to change whatever i have to, but she just hits you with the “Its not you its me.”

    I cant front tho, you guys are forcing me to think about things in a new way. Blogging is the new therapy- I hope its good for ya’ll too!

  • thatchick

    since i’m studying for my license, i’ll only charge $100/hr. but i can offer a sliding sacle, lol.

  • thatchick

    since i’m studying for my license, i’ll only charge $100/hr. but i can offer a sliding scale, lol.

  • Bundy

    HAHA “Thatchick” wait til you read my blog on Marriage Counseling…. stay tuned… lol