I’m Just Not That Into You

Relationships at times can be some of the most ironic, unfair, and unforgiving situations. When you’re ready to get it in, she’s not. But when she gets into you, she’s ready to sit her ass down. And then there are the times when you have a person on your team that has everything you’re looking for (well almost) in a companion. That’s when you find yourself pushing them away for no good reason. At this point in my life, I’m very particular about who I’d consider for relationship. But the funny part is, on any given day, an average chick can spark my interest with the smallest thing.

Most times when I go out, it’s to handle business but every once in a while I’m honestly just on the prowl looking to meet someone. On this particular night I was just enjoying the scenery at a local strip club when three ladies in corner caught my eye. The threesome was having a few drinks, and pretty much just acting silly without really paying attention to anyone else. At first glance I peeped one that was my type, but upon my second glance I noticed that all three wore wedding bands. Great. “We got the first wives club taking up space having themselves a night out,” I thought to myself. After giving the group the once over, I finished my drink and almost headed out of the door.

As I stood up, the short one of the three (incidentally not the one I was eyeing) came over and asked if they could get our table. I said yeah and asked how long she had been married. She immediately burst out laughing and said “I’m not married” as if she was angry. I took her hand and posed the question again, only this time I saw the ring was on her middle finger. After noticing my error, I laughed and retorted back “then move that damn ring then” as if I was angry. She laughed and by the conversation’s end, we exchanged numbers.

After our first couple of conversations, I saw that she was different than any of the other women I’d dated. Physically she wasn’t exactly what I go for, and she was also into some illegal shit (call it a hunch). On the flip side, I loved her sense of humor, the way she handled her business and the fact that she didn’t really sweat talking to me only further intrigued me (That’s the secret, ladies). The more we talked the more I started to really feel her style and the way she carried herself. She had a daughter but that was nothing new to me (I’m from the ‘hood), and she kind of made me chase her initially. After two months, we had sex for the first time (blame my schedule), and it was just ok. But I still found myself talking on the phone with her for hours, and letting her into my life on some deep shit.

Another two months went by before she started to hint at wanting more from our situation. At this point we’d been spending a considerable amount of time together, but I still wasn’t really feeling “it.” I mean she was cool but she was missing that special something that really makes a man want to lock a chick down. As the pressure increased, I did what any man in my position would do- blame my career. I told her that it wasn’t the right time for me to start a serious relationship, and that “I want to be able to give you my full attention when I do.” Without really having any other choice; she fell back and gave me a little more time to play, I mean, way my options.

It would be another month before she raised the issue again, but this time she gave me all the ammo I needed to dodge her bullet. Aside from the issues I already had (see paragraph 4) she stopped being as attentive and caring as I would have liked (Men are babies- Steely D). Suddenly simple tasks like making the bed, or even dialing 411 for me became like pulling teeth. These small inconsistencies provided just what I needed to use the “your just not what I need” excuse. I started to fall back, but this time when I did, she started to come at me harder than she had before. I also wasn’t having sex with her anymore, and when she would come to my crib, I would just go to sleep.

One night after the club, she blew my phone up to meet her and her girls for breakfast. I told her I wasn’t trying to mess with her like that but she insisted she just missed me and wanted to see my face. Finally I conceded and joined them at the Waffle House. When I got there, she was very loud, boisterous and totally drunk. After about 10 minutes of her posing the question “why don’t you like me,” I headed for the car. For the next five minutes, I had to refuse her entry to my car before ultimately pulling off leaving her standing alone in the lot (I didn’t want to do it but I knew it was the only way that she would fall back). When I reached the corner the text messages began; “I hope you crash”, “I hate you”, and my personal fave, “I hope whatever bitch you put in there dies.” The whole incident only strengthened my resolve and made me stop dealing with her totally.

After about a month of me not answering her calls, I was still getting daily “I love you” text messages, and she even got the rest of the married crew in on the action, calling me begging on her behalf. At the end of the day I knew it was the liquor talking that fateful night and she was a pretty good person so I started talking to her again. After we were back cool for a few weeks, she went back in with the “why can’t we be together” questions, and it forced me to come clean. I left her alone once and for all. To this day we are still cool, and I even called her for Mother’s Day. I still can’t see myself with her, but we have pretty good conversation so what the hell.

In my heart, I feel kind of bad because she’s done pretty much everything I’ve ever asked of her. She went out and got a job, went back to school, and even stopped going out all to show me that she could change. To make things even sicker, I actually think she would be a good girlfriend (with the right guidance). I JUST CAN’T DO IT. There are still too many intangibles that are holding me back from committing to her. The sad part is I would probably overlook some of these things if she looked different (she’s not ugly, she’s just not special), and it’s even sadder that I know I will be hard pressed to find another woman that is as genuine. Damn.

-Southern Gentleman

If you like Southern Gentleman, check out the rest of his exploits here.

Last 5 posts by Parlour

  • cosmicsistren

    What an ass! This story is the exact reason why I just don’t get men. She was willing to make changes for you and you still dumped her? It sounds that the only reason that she is not your girlfriend is based on appearences. She has everything to offer but that? I hope you are a dime piece (which I doubt) for making such superficial choices.

  • endJD

    🙁

  • Ladies, you GOTTA love Southern because he’s honest as ever. May not make the best choices, but he tells the truth….

  • Clinton Wesley

    … we all go thru that scenario…sh!t im going thru it now. It’s a reality that both sides (men/women) have to deal with….and if you really think back all of us has been on both sides of the coin. It’s your perrogative..just like in business if you let me get and inch on the deal and i take a mile….thats not my fault..you should’ve snatched the deal off the table….CHUUURRRRCH!

  • now she has her life together for a guy who can appreciate her….this is win-win.

  • Nebraska

    I know being on both sides of this scenario has taught me somethings and I hope Southern Gent reflects on this further. The point is not to put yourself or someone else through this type of confusion and anguish. We can not just talk about this as a voyeur with such muted or base reactions. We can not afford to only see it as entertainment. These are real people, even beyond the two directly involved in this blog. As a woman who has experienced some successes and failures in love I identify with the emotions of this experience. The woman in this blog didn’t start out on this journey with Southern Gent to be left in the parking lot asking him why he doesn’t want to be with her. These sort of scenarios can sometimes plant deep seeds in people that can breed all sorts of thoughts and patterns of behavior that might contribute to further dysfunctional behavior and can become hard to break or change. Can the goal be to become more thoughtful, intentional, careful, and responsible for our interactions with people, especially our intimate partners. We are all looking for and deserving of love.