**disclaimer: I started watching about an hour in so my timing’s a bit off. Hey, a girl’s gotta work**
8:07 Usher’s opening the show, performing with like 12 dancers. While he’s professional, I’m kinda bored. Please tell me Beyonce is gonna come out for the remix. Sidenote, the blonde background dancer is NOT playing, she’s putting her browner co-stars to shame with the open-leg split. No, Beyonce didn’t come out. =0(
8:11 Rihanna and Chris Brown are sitting together, nice. Is it just me or is Usher kinda boring these days. So weird because I love his singles but seeing him perform is just not that awe-inspiring. Gimme some zing Ursh!
8:18 D.L. Hughley used to be funnier (remember the Kings of Comedy?)…though the R.Kelly mole joke was funny.
8:20 Jennifer Hudson’s bob and brown dress is cute. Terrence Howard’s playing the guitar…I just want him to act. Am I the only one?
8:21 Why’s Terrence making J.Hud pat him down for the award? Chris Brown wins Best Male R&B artist. I mean, honestly? His air-humping definitely deserves an award. He’s so cute, aw…**retracts cougar claws**
8:28 Young Jeezy performing “Put On” with Kanye. I know he’s hot in all that leather. Wayne’s the only one standing in the jaded industry crowd. Jeezy should do a Snoop/Source Awards impression- “Ya’ll Ain’t got no love for he trap!?!” LOL! Kanye saves him with his feature. It’s ok Jeezy, you’ll get there one day. Keep touring those bigger venues.
8:30 They’re still performing, yeah, it was that long. Rihanna’s yellow dress glows in the dark. Cute.
8:31 Mel B’s body is inspirational- and why is Kevin Hart short? He barely comes up to the top of her strapless bra.
8:33 Kobe Bryant (!?!) wins Best male athlete. **nope, still don’t really like him** Keyshia Cole’s sister Neffe’s boobs are about to fall out of her dress. Someone get a bra strap or some safety pins!
8:38 Keyshia Cole starts off performing on an extremely tall pole. I am scared for her. Her flowing flowered gown and blue eye shadow is great but damn if my girl isn’t off-key. I think she was off-key last time she performed at BET Awards too. Hm…
8:40 Where’d the white hot pom-pom short outfit with thigh-high go-go boots come from? Lil Kim joins her on stage and looks crazy. I miss the old Kim.
8:45 Nia Long, Morris Chestnut and Cuba Gooding Jr. come up to celebrate Boyz N The Hood. Is Cuba drunk? [Ed Note: Wait, didn’t they do that last year? OR on someo other award show? – JBaker]
8:48 Missy wins Best Female Hip-Hop Artist. We still need more female rap chicks if BET is nominating Trina. Though I can’t lie, I want to ask her how she was able to slay both Lil Wayne and Young Buck at the same time and keep their names straight.
8:49 Is it just me, or is Ne-Yo’s performance of “Closer” the best of all the four thus far? People need to learn how to keep the energy moving across the entire stage and not just where the artists is standing. I’m engaged and I’m not even a huge “Closer” fan. Great job Ne-Yo.
8:49 Â½ Ashanti’s dress is awful, and someone told LL to lay off the sparkly clothing. I’m glad. The Dream wins best new artist but is too Hollywood (?) to accept it. LOL! LL and Ashanti look confused.
THIS IS WHEN I STARTED WATCHING THE AWARDS IN REAL TIME. THANK GOD FOR DVR, lol…
8:50 I like Alicia Keys’ bob wig. She brought out SWV…Koko and Taj have definitely gained weight…why is the one who hardly ever sang the only one that looks good still. Taj’s spanx are holding on for dear life.
8:58 En Vogue! Hold On!…Shut up because I was just watching Cindy on Juice last night. They all still look fab but can I look like Cindy when I grow up?
9:00 TLC and “Waterfalls”…I can barely hear T-Boz…she clearly hasn’t sung in awhile, but work it ladies! AK is doing the shoulder dances…cute! Wayne likes this one…he’s standing up and Kanye’s clapping along. Good job AK!
9:04 Reno 911’s Niecy Nash chick adopted a bunch of Caucasian kids to combat the damage done by Madonna and Angelina Jolie in Africa. Take away message? “Get yo’ self some white kids.” Wow.
9:04 Best Male Artist…Kanye wins though Common should really win because he’s fine. â€˜Ye brings Wayne on stage with him. Wayne massages his shoulders- no homo.
9:07 Kanye says “They said hip-hop is dead….(congratulates Lil Wayne on selling one million plus albums) Roc is in the building holler.” Kanye plays the Reno 911 chick when she goes for a handshake of the stage. Lol.
9:12 T-Pain’s stage full of humans disguised as circus animals is making me afraid…Flo Rida’s “Low,” ehn. I never did like this song. Camera pans to someone that isn’t even nodding- meanwhile T-Pain is re-enacting Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo with his dance of convulsions. Rick Ross comes out for “Boss”…gut-swanging. Who asked for all of this violation to his velour suit? HELP- MY EYES!!! Somebody ask him if he’s really shacking up with Foxy. Has she cut him yet?
9:15 Aw hell, DJ Khaled’s come out- that means the entire hip-hop community is about to enter stage right. Bun B is really feeling it with eyes closed. Big Boi is rocking it in knee high socks…gotta love it. Ludacris is introduced with a dude turning a cartwheel- that’s kinda fresh. Lol…fave part? Luda says “I’m so hood that Ludacris should’ve been on the original VERSION!” That is unless Wayne comes out or Jeezy dons that smedium white tee from the video. Jordin Sparks and Rihanna cheer- who knew they were so hood?
9:18 Derek Luke and Gabrielle Union present “Video of the Year.” Gabby looks this Bob Mackie Barbie I had as a little girl.
9:22 UGK wins for “International Players’ Anthem” ft Outkast. I love Bun B- he’s the uncle I never had. I think he’s going to cry. I think I’m going to cry. Bun says “This is hard for me to accept this tonight, without my brother. His wife is up here, Shinora. Thank you for supporting UGK for all these years…long live BET.” Shinora- “On behalf of my husband and my family, thank ya’ll.” Aw…
9:29 Did DL Hughley just introduce gospel singer Marvin Sapp as Warren Sapp? AHAHAHAHAAH!!! **goes to get a glass of pinot noir**
9:32 Sapp sings “Thank God I Made It” while Barack gets a shout out on the big screen. I want to cry. Notice how the BET folks didn’t put Marvin right after “I’m So Hood.” All about timing. Just sayin’…
9:34 DL says “I called you Warren earlier? I’ll just give you 10% dammit.” Cursing at the gospel artist? DL knows he’s wrong.
9:35 Mary Mary and Lisa Lisa-“Give it up for God!” lol…these award announcements-set to sound like movie previews- are getting kinda annoying.
9:36 SHOCKER. Marvin (who just performed) wins. Kirk Franklin and wife are amped in the audience. â€˜They let me come here on a Tuesday- it’s bible study night,” says Marvin.
9:44 Chris Brown has waterfalls with hearts as a stage backdrop and has thankfully let that susty Mohawk grow out. Yes! “With You” is cute but it’s almost 10pm and perfect for “Take You Down.” Why am I listening to TRL music on BET? =0/
9:45 uh, the stand blacks out…I think a big dance breakdown is coming. Ciara appears as his stripper-esque sidekick. BET pans to Rihanna- they know they ain’t right, lol- as Cici gyrates in Chris’ face. The synchronized turn they do is waaaay cool . So cool that I know I would’ve fallen if I would’ve tried it. Still think they could’ve figured a better ending but that performance was entertaining.
9:48 Solange, Soulja Boy, David Banner (who doesn’t look like himself in weird glasses and slim john pants) and the funny boy from Roll Bounce says “register to vote.” Cassie flubs her lines…the blogs are going to have a field day with that one. And “I’m going to vote and so should “YOOOOOU” says Soulja boy. Cheesy.
9:50 â€˜Ye wins best collabo with T-pain. I know I just started watching an hour ago but has Wayne won anything yet? T-Pain is creeping on the come up with the crazy tuxedo and PAISLEY TOP HAT. I can’t… T-Pain yucking it up and walking everywhere in SLOOOOOOW motion. Enjoy those last few mins on stage homie, lol…
9:57 Parlour homie John Legend introduces the Al Green tribute, whose new album is called The Evolver. Maxwell where are you? Jordin Sparks looks BORED in the background, as Legend likens Al Green to “smothered chicken” and “church fans?” Word?
10:02 Jill Scott singing “Still In Love With You,” I have to say that I don’t think her dress is very flattering. But I do dig the mohawk Jbakes and Mahogs were referring to. Cute. I gotta get me some fake dreads.
10:05 Anthony Hamilton “I’m So Tired Of Being Alone.” Perfection in his SHINY sharkskin pants. Could they be any tighter? Oh wow- the single dangly chain and the open collar? LOL! Zoe says that Maxwell says he looks 48…definitely looks like an older man.but it is what it is. But that was treat.”
10:11 The power goes out in BK. FRIGGIN PERFECT. If I miss Maxwell, I’m going to stab ConEd!
10:17 Power’s kinda back on…Al’s getting to it with “Love & Happiness”- folks are two-stepping in the aisles. I’m mad at the girl backing it up on the dude in the white tee…Al is getting his hip-jutting action on…ain’t seen that since the 70’s.
10:28 Power’s REALLY back on…and I just realized that it was only my building. The wackness (and not the movie). Viewer’s Choice award, I’ve never voted for this type of award…though Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks’ “No Air” was the best.
10:30 FINALLY Lil Wayne wins something! Viewer’s Choice award…”I told you! We are nothing without God” says Wayne. Did Marvin Sapp pastor to Wayne in between commercials?
10:32 DL- “give it up for Al Green, he made a couple of rappers cry and it wasn’t even Young Buck. Shut it Up ya’ll know ya’ll saw it.” OUCH…clowning.
10:33 Rihanna looks fab! As usual. Again, she’s a Barbie doll, keep her laced with new outfits and I’m happy, though I am confused by the steel choker. C. Brown is singing along to the camera like that’s my girl- WHAT!! LOL…
10:41 BET exec Deborah Lee’s stepping up the dress game, it’s yellow, satin and flattering- I’m happy for her.
10:46 Queen Latifah’s blue dress is gorgeous…a flattering gown that hangs nicely on her frame. SWV should take notes. The cameramen need to stop panning to Al. B. Sure’s son. I don’t care about his opinion- show Puffy. That’s who we really care about if we’re watching that family.
10:50 I love Quincy Jones (he’s getting a legend award) but what is he talking about? “All I can say is when it rains- get wet!” says Q. Um? Keyshia Cole even looks confused. He’s an icon and old enough to sound crazy. I just hope someone lets me ramble when I’m 75.
10:55 Ashanti introduces Nelly and says they originally did a song together but “I traded it for something else because I got that good good.” What the hey does that mean? Oh Ashanti.
10:57 Parlour Homegirl Zoe doesn’t like this Nelly “Stepped on My J’z” song…I heart Fergie and it hurts to say this but I don’t like “Party People.” This performance is NOT GOOD. Fergie is rapping like JJ Fad.
11:00 Diddy says that New New aka actress Lauren London is my (and all women’s) role model. Little does he know I’ve got ATL on DVR. Are folks allowed to drink on Award shows these days? Apparently so. Ciroc for everyone!
11:03 Alicia Keys wins Best Female R&B artist. Zoe: “I think we just saw Alicia’s spanx? It’s ok girl, we got them too.” Dedicates the award to all the other nominees, that’s gracious. She’s so classy, I love it!
11:09 Lil Wayne and T-Pain “Got Money”…Pain’s got on a new white tuxedo. Not mad but I don’t wanna hear this…”Lollipop” RIP Static Major. Pain’s OFF-KEY, someone find the vocoder and give it back to him. Um, Wayne’s rocking one red biker glove. I don’t know what to think about that.
11:12 A shirtless Wayne rocks “A Milli”!!!’ FINALLY. This beat is great though I’m not feeling his lyrics about menstruation and yeast infections…wait, why’s Tyrese in the audience? Was that mean? Lol…Wayne- “Hip-hop is alive don’t worry I got it.”
What were your favorite parts? BTW, Chris Brown is getting the replay on my TV right now…that joint was hot son!!! hey- how’d Maxwell do?
Last 5 posts by Hillary Crosley
- Here's How Not to Ride a Bike in Amsterdam - October 24th, 2016
- Parlour Jams!: Hawaii's Golden Sunsets With DJ Darling Chuck - July 23rd, 2015
- Parlour Jams!: Morning Moves With DJ Heat - June 23rd, 2015
- Your Weekend Getaway in...Houston! - April 30th, 2015
- Listen to DJ Kwest_on's Romantic Grooves and Survive Wedding Season - April 14th, 2015