Not that she condones cheating, but wifey’s stance has always been “if you’re gonna cheat make sure the bitch looks better than me.” You can imagine my surprise when she first told me that, but after it sunk in it began to make sense. Getting played always hurts, but at least if you have to take a loss, let it be to someone better than you.
For example, if wifey cheated on me with Lil’ Wayne’s goofy lookin’ ass, I’d be like “what the fuck?” But if she crept with Brad Pitt I’d pretty much have to understand. So this why I don’t understand that dude Alex Rodriguez. His wife is a good looking woman, plus she seems to be thick in all the right places. Now, Madonna on the other hand, that broad looked like she died last week and that’s with whom he creeps? See, this is one of those instances where I believe the wife should get half in the divorce settlement. And we aren’t even gonna talk about A-Rod’s identity issues (He opted to play for the U.S. and refused to be a part of the Dominican team during the World Baseball Classic, and now he’s flaunting the whitest of white women).
Now I don’t claim to understand Alex’s plight. Maybe his wife is a nag, or a raving lunatic. Maybe she cheated on him with the pool boy. Whatever the case, this isn’t the first time Alex got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Remember a few months ago when the paparazzi caught him in the hotel with (gasp) that less than desirable looking white woman. But like I said maybe he has his reasons and since I’m far from a hater here are my list of more respectable women that A-Rod should’ve got caught out there with.
Eva Mendes: It’s obvious Rodriguez has an affinity for white women. But why shun Latinas when you can have Eva? She’s kinda white, given her stint in rehab. â€˜Cause real Latinos don’t seek help, we just compound our problemas.
Britney Spears: Ok his desire for a whore’d out, blonde haired, past-her-prime pop star is understandable, but the Yankee slugger could’ve chosen someone 100 years younger than Madge.
Eva Longria Parker: Who am I kidding? Her French Basketball playin’ hubby would kick Alex’s ass.
Mariah Carey: Are she and Nick Cannon done yet? Plus she is Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter’s old jump-off. Now that’s what I call teamwork.
Serena Williams: Not that Alex would know what to do with all of that ass, but the two would make one hell of a power couple. If these two crept I bet they could land one hell of an endorsement deal from Super 8.
-Al â€œBrooklynâ€ Bundy
Want more Bundy? Check out his previous posts here.