Men: The Manual

I was going to save this for my bday (tomorrow) but I just feel like doing this today.

After the Sex And The City screening a few weeks back, I headed over to the Metropolitan Pavillion for the Tanqueray party w/ Ryan Leslie performing. Two minutes in, a fan of the blog approached me. She’s a recent HU grad (the real one. Don’t shoot, Hamptonites! LOL!) She told me that she and her friends too are all fans of the blog and became such after reading 28 Things I’ve Learned About Relationships, which I think I posted last year on my birthday. I’m pretty proud of that list. I can’t always abide by everything on it, but everyone of those “Things” is the God’s honest truth as I know it.

I’ve had this list (below) for awhile (all of my close friends know that the posts are written daily but often not put up for weeks or months and even then go up not in chronological order) so here it is, or at least the first half, 14 of 29 More Things I’ve Learned About Men aka Men: The Manual

Let me know your thoughts…

1. If you date one, and you are a good woman, and ya’ll stop dealing, he will come back. It might take a year, it might take a decade, it might just take a day. But he will come back. (That does not mean you have to take him though.)

2. Men like monochromatic colors. I can’t figure this one out. I think this has to do with us looking less busy so they aren’t distracted from our bodies and faces. Not sure. White seems to be their favorite though.

3. They like compliments. A lot. Thing is few people ever say anything nice to them about them. They respond like dry plants to water when you tell them they look nice, smell nice, did something well. (I texted TLA- my new guy- before a game once “you are phenomenal. You will make me proud.” He still talks about it.)

4. Sports are male soap operas or reality TV for men. (Thanks, Tariq.) Once he put it context, I got it. Think about it. Now doesn’t the obsession make sense?

5. Men like to play sports, then talk about it for hours afterward– even if they won. It’s like us gathering to discuss a first date with a boy, except they don’t mention feelings.

6. Men talk about relationships constantly. Just not with the woman their dating and it’s all action oriented. (No feeling talk.)

7. Despite never talking about feelings, they have them. Lots of them. And the more alpha ones are more sensitive than the most feminine women. They’ve been taught not to express them since somewhere around age 3-4 at the latest. You have to look for the symptoms of feelings to figure out what’s wrong. (They vary from man to man, but giving off heat when upset seems to be universal. Men can make a room hot as Hades when they’re brooding. X-Men‘s Storm ain’t got ish on TLA when he’s upset.)

8. They want to do good (like superheroes) and make you happy. They honestly don’t know how sometimes. You have to tell them what you want. And damn near applaud when they try, even if they mess up. They’re trying dammit.

9. They don’t need to be reminded of our strength. If they’re smart, they know women are emotionally tougher. They just don’t want it thrown in their faces. It makes them feel weak/ resentful when you do. Go ahead and woman up without telling them your blatantly doing it. They’ll respect it (and follow your lead) a lot more.

10. They hate being yelled at and or nagged. Do you like it? See. They’re not children and if you ask them to do something, they either will or won’t. If he won’t do it on your time table, then do it yourself. All that matters is that it gets done.

11. They always tell us we think too much, but they think a lot. Videogames are a distraction from all that thinking. (They’re still thinking) So is driving. And they do a lot of thinking in the shower and while aimlessly watching movies. I don’t know if men know how to be spontaneous. They think about everything. Trust me.
12. They have no desire to be held. This seems so weird to me. I guess because I love being in the nook so much I can’t imagine anyone wouldn’t. It seems men are just fine doing the holding. (Every man I’ve ever asked “don’t you ever want to be held?” Has looked at me like I’m stupid or blurted, “what am I? A child?”)

13. Sex can be just an act, like eating a sandwich or going to shoot hoops. That doesn’t excuse cheating, of course, but that also doesn’t mean because he has sex with you that he feels anything for you. Two separate things with men.
14. They like to protect you from the big bad world. I have no idea exactly what I am being protected from by him walking on the outside, but it seems to make them feel manly to feel like they are doing something. I’ve been crossing the street by myself for two decades, but suddenly when I’m with a man, he must become a barrier between me and the oncoming traffic. It would exhaust me to pay attention to this and keep switching sides. It gives them purpose. Fine. Whatever makes you happy. (This is me choosing not to fight this battle.)


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