…Says the Single Girl: Pineapple Juice

When preparing for a first date with a lady they want to get up in, (some) men do very few things to make sure they are straight just in case they make it to home base:
– Pineapple Juice: Believe it or not, I’ve known dudes to drink pineapple juice in order to make their juices taste like a lollipop.
– AXE: Dudes O.D. and put this on the twig and berries to stay fresh. Gentlemen, this leaves a nasty taste and even numbs the tongue. If you are hoping to get head do not, I repeat, do not spray on the area.
– Condoms: At least two on his person at all times.
Ladies, if you are lucky, he may clean up the crib or at least change the bed sheets in the event of your arrival. You had a great first date yet he doesn’t want to come off too calculated so the crib may be a mess so that it seems like the invite was really a spur of the moment type thing.
That’s it.
Now, when it comes to us…Ladies, we haven’t been on point.
The reason? We swear we aren’t going to sex on the first date.

Some of you even wear the ugly draws on purpose as a sort of safety net. Like if you have on the cotton full cuts you’d be too embarrassed to let him get anywhere close to you. Then what happens? You find yourself looking for the granny panties in the dark before he offers to help you find them.

Girls, it’s Twenty O Eight.

It’s time to face the facts…most of us will sex on the first date.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Let’s just be prepared like the men have been since jump. Most of this should go without saying but, here goes:

Wear matching panties and bra: Men are very visual and the littlest things show them that you take care of yourself and the minor details.

Shave Everything: If you get a freak who likes to eat you don’t want him rummaging through the forest when the wood should be already chopped.

Bring Your Own Condoms: Yes, he is the one who has to wear it and should have a stash but there are too many condoms out now that pleasure you as well. If you like it ribbed, rippled or rigged, have what you like and see if he fits.

Have a Cab Number Ready: Whether you are at his crib or yours, when the sex is over make the exit an easy one. No need to wake him up to beg for a ride home ’cause if you did it right, his ass should be knocked out.

Bring a toothbrush (But Don’t Let Him See it): No need to ruin your first impression with hot mouth. If you break the dawn, brush them gums and leave him with a nice kiss on the cheek. Just because you two boned don’t think he wants tongue.

Freshen Up Pre-Sex: As soon as you walk in the house after the outing, head to the restroom and freshen up even if you swear to the heavens above that you two aren’t going to get it on. STSG Tip: Wear a panty liner during the date and remove it when you get to the crib. That way when he reaches for your magic box he isn’t subjected to day old panties.

What are some of your personal Pineapple Juice-esque tips?

—Says the Single Girl

Like Says the Single Girl? Bravely read the rest of her dating tips here.

Last 5 posts by The Single Girl

  • Rachel

    One more tip for the ladies: don’t act super-righteous, announcing with pride over dinner that you would never get down on the first date, because you look hella stupid when you fold at the end of the night.

  • jbaker

    my brother told me this years ago. lace and frilly shit is great…but nothing gets it like white/light cotton bra and panty sets. When pressed for a reason why he said because guys really like simple shit and it reminds them of being a curious little boy. Crazy Right? Btw, just because it’s cotton doesn’t mean it can’t be sexy.

  • GVG

    Don’t assume we planned to hit either. Sometimes it just happens that way. We happy as shit, it did, but we didn’t plan or expect it, just prayed, and hoped. LOL.

    P.S. We don’t think you’re a hoe if you sleep with us on the first night unless you carry it like that. Listen to “My panties” and “Prototype” the song that follow from OutKast and you will get a great idea of how we think and what a great first night can lead to.

  • GVG

    P.S. Co-sign on the Pineapple juice.

  • GVG

    My fault – the interlude is actually called “Where are my panties” from the Love Below album.

    P.S. Let us touch the booty.

  • GVG

    Steely D,

    I am a true believer in allowing for the natural progression. It’s the reason that a great day/night full of nonstop laughs, conversation, commonalities, sensuality, and sexual attraction can lead comfortably to a bedroom, bathroom, park bench (sometimes you just can’t wait), then all those things that allowed you to make that first night so comfortable, organic, and multiple times pleasurable be the same things that lead into a great long-term relationship. You just have to allow for the possibility and not stifle it when you feel it coming – that last one goes for both men and women.

  • Lemu

    Speaking of one night stands, I thought this would be appropriate – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFHWGvDRKYw

    We’re too old to be fearful of the backlash of having a one night stand. We “just know what we want outta life”. lol

  • jbaker

    Planning. I feel that the term is a bit of an oxymoron when it comes to emotion. If you feel it, you feel it. Just have to be on your grown man/woman ish the morning after. And yes…personal bottle of mouthwash or toothbrush is a MUST!

  • Lil Jon

    So here we have the inevitable “first date” matchup. I’ve fared well on my conversion ratio (sex on the first date), and three C’s always get it done for me;

    Conversation: I don’t care if you look like shemar Moore-ris Chestnut, if you have nothing to say and don’t have her mind engaged, you WILL be looking at pinky’s latest offering on zshare.

    Comedy: Not only do you have to have something to say, but it better be funny! Now, not everyone can be Chris Rock Jr. (I’m larry david wit the flow), but all you have to do is just speak on things that happened to you that you might have in common. Find that baseline between you two, and she will be trading on the NY cock exchange that night.

    Casuality: (Is that a word??) But yeah, nothing makes a woman play a 4-3 defense on her goods more than a dude who is trying to force through her D-Line. Take it back a bit, don’t stress it. Every dude is trying to force their way into her undergarments, why not be different? The less you appear to want it, the more she will be throwing it at you like Eli in East Rutherford.

    These are some good female tips, and I wish my jumpoffs used em. The ones I strike lay in the bed for days, never wanting to leave, with breath that reminds me of Saw 4.

    PS Ladies: Shave that thang! Leave bob marley in your CD player…

  • Steely D

    pinky? oh lawd…

  • Enojav

    I don’t really buy into the facade that is the first date. Or the first 3 months for that matter. That is their representative. Everything is going to be ‘perfect’. because you are trying to secure your spot.
    And eventually, all of this will subside. If a man is into a woman, he will want her for her. Despite if her bra and panties match. SHE should already have these women things down packed.
    If he wants her, nothing will keep him from her. This includes smashing on the first night.