Perhaps the biggest misconception when it comes to dating is that there are only two people in a relationship.
Au contraire, dating is a team sport. Only thing is you don’t know who you are competing against for the number one spot.
Think of it as fantasy football.
Your man has you as his starter but unbeknownst to you he is looking at possible candidates who can take your spot depending on your performance. Or you’ve just replaced the previous franchise player he lost to free agency, trade or salary cap….For those of you not familiar with sports put it this way: Dating is one big audition.
You are never a sure bet until you are married and even then there are ways to find a loophole in those vows.
Dating or being in a relationship is not the same as being married. Often times women, yes women, get the two confused. To pull a line from the classic cinematic masterpiece, Love Jones, dating is about “exhausting the possibilities”.
No, it’s not about settling (I know some of you have jumped to that extreme).
Dating is about shifting through the applications, looking at each person’s attributes and using your mature mind to decide which one is the best partnership, not lover, looker, etc.
Your boyfriend comes to you and says:
“Sweetie, the last year has been great but I want to go in a different direction. Your time has been valuable and I know you will find much success.”
Most women would slit their wrists, pull out the “my life is over” sweats, retreat to the bedroom and play Meshell Ndegeocello “Fool of Me” on repeat until they start to smell themselves and have no choice but to bathe.
But in reality, your relationship is fair game. Wouldn’t you rather be a well thought out and executed plan than a spur of the moment “Fuck it, why not”?
The “someone else” is never a person you should try to compare yourself to and is often not the woman you think it us. Sure every ex is a possible candidate but more times than not that someone else is a chick he has never even dated. She’s the woman who he’s known through friends, was always attracted to but respected so much he couldn’t get this words and thoughts together to step to her. She is the “Great Unknown,” the “I wonder if…”
He thinks about her from time to time and doesn’t see her often. They may speak via AIM, text but nothing to set a pattern by.
The “someone else” may be better for him than you or she may just be a fantasy. Either way she shouldn’t factor into how you treat your romance.
About …Says the Single Girl
Don’t let the name fool you. I’m an honorary card carrying member of the Man’s Mind. Years of working at a barbershop, gyms, having more male friends than I can count…Honey, I’m a half a chromosome away from sprouting a penis and chest hair with all of the man knowledge I know. Yes, I’m really single. And no, I’m not ugly.
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