…Says The Single Girl: Get a Hobby

For some reason we in the dating world have been trained to ask those we are getting to know: What do you do for fun? .
As a former workaholic, there was a period of three years where fun for me constituted getting home from work before midnight and catching reruns of Sex and the City as I curled up in my sweats and eating Häagen-Dazs. I cherished every free moment and relegated it to sleeping and lying around the house.

But that isn’t the answer I want to give.

Ladies, please note that when men ask this question it isn’t because they want to see if you do amazing things. Men want to make sure that your life is full, well-rounded and if he chooses to become apart of it he isn’t going to become your sole motivation for living and breathing.

In other words…get a hobby.

Ladies, think of it as that long forgotten “Other Skills” section of the resume. Do you speak Spanish? Know how to sew? Paint? Plaster a ceiling?

Men have hobbies, most won’t share with you what it is because it often times is something they hold very close to the chest for fear of critique or ridicule. You’ll be dating a man for months before you learn he has a green belt in karate, took cooking classes or is an aspiring photographer.

A frequent hobby for most women is simply men.

“So what do you do you fun?”

“I’m pretty simple. I spend time with friends, go out to dinner…you know.”


“If I’m not dating anyone I can be found on my couch. If I am dating someone I’m out with them.”

Sound familiar?

For the record…”Shopping” and “Going out to eat with friends” are not hobbies.

We women spend our free time shopping for clothes that look cute. Then we go out with our girlfriends to restaurants, lounges, parties sporting the new wares to attract men. Meet a man, start dating the man, carve out hours each day to text, e-mail, call, see, think about that man…

Break the cycle. Learn how to play with yourself. What are some of the things we can pick up as hobbies?

Knitting/Crocheting – Learn how to make a scarf to cover your Jump Off hickeys

Cooking – Buy cook books and try new recipes out

Sewing/Interior Design – Make some curtains, pillows

Painting/Photography – Maybe you’ll get good and can record your boyfriends antics that no one believes exists

Get Athletic – join a running club, ride a bike, snow board

Become a big sister – if you don’t have kids, practice

As I write this, this list does sound boring as shit but you get the point.

And when you get a man, don’t give up the HOBBY! Why, you ask? Because when he tells you he is going to send his Saturday working on his house, car, shooting pictures, (insert his hobby here) you can’t pout and be mad because you have nothing to do with your time, thinking that now that you are in a relationship every minute should be spent together.

Then you become that smothering/stalker chick that can’t make any plans without knowing what your man is going to do first. I have a girlfriend who once called her man 25 times in the span of one hour to ask what he was doing. He was at the barbershop getting his hair cut. Finally, when he stopped answering the phone because he couldn’t get his cut done, she came to the shop.

Him: What’s up? I told you I was getting my hair cut. I’m almost done.

Her: I know. I just wanted to know what you were doing after.

She needed a hobby, bad.
Fun Tip: Now re-read this column and change HOBBY to LIFE. Maybe, it will really sink in.

—Says the Single Girl

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Last 5 posts by The Single Girl

  • AmazonRed

    GREAT advice… dead on. Thanks!

  • GuywithGlasses

    When the girl I’m dating finds out that I’m obsessed with quantum physics, it might be a wrap for me. She already thinks I’m a nerd, but I haven’t even shown her the real nerdy side of me yet.

    You definitely hit the nail on the with this Hobby theory. I refuse to date someone that has nothing else to do, but be in a relationship.

  • Moochie

    Girl I fu**n love you for this….

  • so very true. does reading count as a hobby? that takes up most of my spare time and i’d never give it up for any man. now i’m trying to replace the “shopping for clothes that look cute” thing with cooking

  • Story of my Life

    OMG…you are always so on point…I have to admit…I NEED A LIFE…because i definitely get mad when i have nothing to do and BOO does…i need a LIFE…

  • Christo

    Very entertaining, love it.

  • tee

    that’s sooo true. i found myself giving up my hobbies to be more available/ flexible to him. realizing now I was giving up myself… lesson learned.

  • Clinton Wesley

    …definitely the truth. went thru that last year. hated it!(in living color..lol)

  • lemu

    hilarious and wild true.

  • Too funny and too TRUE!!! Nothing worse than a girl whose WHOLE life is her man. Pathetic, and sad… Gotta have that ME time, if only for sanity’s sake!

  • Enovaj

    This is true. I have been guilty of forming my world around his. Until I realized that I was loosing the very thing that attracted him to me in the first place. So yes, working as a promotional model, taking pole dancing classes, and with the start of the basketball season, I have my own life, he has his life, and our friendship together is great.

    Nice blog SG


  • I would like to know too if reading is a hobby? and very very very true thank you its hard to hear sometimes but man so true… I would say Im a people person sometimes haha crazy girl!

  •  I am the only single guy at my workplace and in my family! (pathetic isn’t it!) My buddies tell me that I am way too nice and that nice guys get no where in life. They tell me that girls don’t like or want nice guys. … you become boring (sorry to say it) you need to take something up that makes you more interesting. a hobby that is not nerdy is the way to go i started learning ninjutsu and losing weight and suddenly i found myself attracting girls but it …