For some reason we in the dating world have been trained to ask those we are getting to know: What do you do for fun? .
As a former workaholic, there was a period of three years where fun for me constituted getting home from work before midnight and catching reruns of Sex and the City as I curled up in my sweats and eating Häagen-Dazs. I cherished every free moment and relegated it to sleeping and lying around the house.
But that isn’t the answer I want to give.
Ladies, please note that when men ask this question it isn’t because they want to see if you do amazing things. Men want to make sure that your life is full, well-rounded and if he chooses to become apart of it he isn’t going to become your sole motivation for living and breathing.
In other words…get a hobby.
Ladies, think of it as that long forgotten “Other Skills” section of the resume. Do you speak Spanish? Know how to sew? Paint? Plaster a ceiling?
Men have hobbies, most won’t share with you what it is because it often times is something they hold very close to the chest for fear of critique or ridicule. You’ll be dating a man for months before you learn he has a green belt in karate, took cooking classes or is an aspiring photographer.
A frequent hobby for most women is simply men.
“So what do you do you fun?”
“I’m pretty simple. I spend time with friends, go out to dinner…you know.”
TRANSLATION:
“If I’m not dating anyone I can be found on my couch. If I am dating someone I’m out with them.”
Sound familiar?
For the record…”Shopping” and “Going out to eat with friends” are not hobbies.
We women spend our free time shopping for clothes that look cute. Then we go out with our girlfriends to restaurants, lounges, parties sporting the new wares to attract men. Meet a man, start dating the man, carve out hours each day to text, e-mail, call, see, think about that man…
Break the cycle. Learn how to play with yourself. What are some of the things we can pick up as hobbies?
Knitting/Crocheting – Learn how to make a scarf to cover your Jump Off hickeys
Cooking – Buy cook books and try new recipes out
Sewing/Interior Design – Make some curtains, pillows
Painting/Photography – Maybe you’ll get good and can record your boyfriends antics that no one believes exists
Get Athletic – join a running club, ride a bike, snow board
Become a big sister – if you don’t have kids, practice
As I write this, this list does sound boring as shit but you get the point.
And when you get a man, don’t give up the HOBBY! Why, you ask? Because when he tells you he is going to send his Saturday working on his house, car, shooting pictures, (insert his hobby here) you can’t pout and be mad because you have nothing to do with your time, thinking that now that you are in a relationship every minute should be spent together.
Then you become that smothering/stalker chick that can’t make any plans without knowing what your man is going to do first. I have a girlfriend who once called her man 25 times in the span of one hour to ask what he was doing. He was at the barbershop getting his hair cut. Finally, when he stopped answering the phone because he couldn’t get his cut done, she came to the shop.
Him: What’s up? I told you I was getting my hair cut. I’m almost done.
Her: I know. I just wanted to know what you were doing after.
She needed a hobby, bad.
Fun Tip: Now re-read this column and change HOBBY to LIFE. Maybe, it will really sink in.
—Says the Single Girl
Like Says the Single Girl? Bravely read the rest of her dating tips here.
