…Says the Single Girl: Give The Nice Guy a Shot

“Women need to give the nice guy a chance. Only Black women try and tame the bad boy. White women marry lames all the time for security. They fuck bad boys in college and that’s it.” – Manny, my man friend

I’ve never been the one to seek the bad guy, the kind to come over and wear it out then steal money from your purse while you take your after-sex shower. I have, however, had a dude ask me for money for the bus and jack me for my phone headsets. It was the same man and yes, he had a record but the ohhh wee was sweet.

Coming to terms with the fact that it’s not just the men I pick but rather the men that I don’t pick and all that I am missing out on as a result is enough to take me back to the drawing board.

Perhaps I have neglected the Nice Guy pool.

What am I, like most women, looking for:

Stability: Nice guys are stable for the most part. They are so nice they don’t spend their time chasing behind women so that means they focus on work, family and building their lives up.

Romance: Nice guys love to make love and buy flowers and pick up that little necklace he noted that you admired in the Tiffany’s catalouge. Since they don’t spend their time being dicks they are more in tune to you.

Commitment: Nice guys always want to commit. That’s because they still have faith in relationships and rather be involved then raked over the coals by some she-devil who will suck them dry.

Nonetheless, as a single girl, I still fight my instinct to reject the Nice Guy.

The Nice Guy really just wants to be loved, like every woman. Yet when we women see someone in the living flesh who reflects the same needs, wants and sensitivity that we ooze from the hairs on our heads to the cuticles on our toes (twofold between the months of Nov – Feb when the holidays remind us how much it sucks to be single and we are bombarded with the worst question in the world, “Why are you single?”) we want to grab them by the nuts and yell “Man up, you fucking pussy!”

Why do we hate the Nice Guy?

My reason, I find them pathetic. To further cement my sentiment I took Manny’s advice and went out on a date with a Nice Guy.

Lord have us Mercy…

NG picks me up from work.

He drives, a plus.

I walk outside to find him standing there outside of his car. We hug. I don’t want to be rude plus my co-workers were watching so I don’t want to son dude with my usual anti-PDA stance. This is a first date.

He opens the car door for me and presents me a bouquet of white roses.

Nice touch.

We get in the car. He asks me where I want to go.

SG: I know a nice Italian place two blocks from here.

I usually like the guy to pick the place. It shows me how well traveled he is on the restaurant circuit and if he is willing and ready to command. I’m old fashioned like that. If I have to pick the day, time, spot, after spot I might as well strap one on and fuck you at that end of the night.

NG: You want Italian, I know a place!

Off he drives, across a bridge, onto a high way, hitting RUSH HOUR traffic. The next hour and a half he tells me his life story. The tragic-ness of this NG starts to show…

NG: I was with my daughters’ mother for 16 years. We didn’t get married because she was still married and wouldn’t get a divorce. I brought her four sets of engagement rings, each one more expensive than the next. Still she wouldn’t get a divorce.

Kill

NG: I left her and met another woman. Five hours after we met she told me that the Lord spoke to her and told her that I was her husband. We got married six months later at the J.O.P but I had only spent five days with her during those six months. I just really wanted to get married.

Me

NG: She was pregnant when we got married but it turned out it wasn’t my son.

Now

We make it to his spot only to find that it was closed, like out of business. The nearest thing was Applebee’s. His heart was broken because he really wanted to show off.

We eat.

Over the entrée he tells me his credit score.

Not impressive at all.

How he loves to shower his women with gifts.

Gag.

That he knows women take advantage of him.

You think?

I won’t bore you, or me, with the rest. But the night ended with him desperately wanting to buy me the new Robin Thicke album since I brought it up over dinner, mere filler convo. He takes me to a nearby Kmart and searches for the CD. No Mas. I end up walking out of there with a huge bottle of Tide. I needed to do laundry.

Thanks NG, my clothes are spring fresh and I’m never calling you again!

Not all NG’s are this damn depressing. I really learned that Nice Guys are men who don’t want to play the game and want to address women head on, straight and with emotional honesty. They are willing to give us the same things we beg the trifling men for. Yet, we don’t want it.

Take it from me Nice Guys, pull it back a little. You can do and say all the things you feel but in moderation. Women are the only one’s who have a pass and can recover from being desperate.

Maybe more women should take a note from the White Women’s Guide to Love and Marriage and turn those Nice Guys into husbands.

I mean, who really wants to die alone?

—Says the Single Girl

Like Says the Single Girl? Bravely read the rest of her dating tips here.

Last 5 posts by The Single Girl

  • cheli

    single girl, where are these nice guys? and i don’t mean the depressing kind like the dude in the article. i mean real nice, dependable, CUTE, nice men?!

  • Guywithglasses

    I think there is a difference between the “nice guy” and the “sap”. Your NG was really a Sap, and he wasn’t even lying about it.
    Telling you his low credit score.
    Admitting that hes been played as a Sap before.
    White Roses on the first date? lawd help me.

    The difference in men can be broken down like this

    1) Thugs will call you a bitch to your face and in public.
    2)The Nice guy will tell you to calm yo ass down, you’re being inappropriate.
    3)The Sap will say “No honey you are right about everything, now when do you think you will be ready to have intercourse again?”

    listen.

  • DeeLovelyK

    I dont know if all nice guys are willing to commit. I had a nice guy(at least I think so) he did all of the above, but as soon as we got deeper into things and I brought up committment, he backed off. Needless to say, we no longer talk. I did have a good time and he did treat me well. I must admit, I had a few boring convos and dates with him.

  • Well I am currently engaged to a nice guy…. How do I know? Well based on Guywithglasses’ litmus test, my NG definitely will tell me to “calm [my] ass down, [I’m] being inappropriate.” LOL!

  • finkies

    i’ve had way too many guys in NYC try to take me to applebees on a date… i never called them again either LOL… nothing wrong with applebees, but i don’t think its the place to go on a date if you know of other better options around!

  • Professor Ice

    Ok…NG…what?! I have no words. He ain’t a nice guy…he’s straight up corney AND a push over…I can’t

    I think the opperative word here is “moderation”. I don’t want any man who is a push over and I don’t want any man who has no life of his own and is all about me…

    We all have a soft spot for the nice guys buuuttt then for some reason the bad guys just get the best of us. And is it just me or do the bad guys have a certain sex appeal that good guys sometimes just seem to lack??

    I feel that at some point, I will grow out of my bad guy “phase” bc at the end of the day, it’s also the bad guys that work my last and final nerve….and do it over and over again…

    …Single Girl, you are hillarious. Loves it!

  • Dude-Man

    Does all this “nice guy” vs “bad boy” talk really matter… females are consumers, yall love to shop, so at the end yall just want to be sold an idea something you can believe in. As guys you just need to make sure your message is straight and to the point but also that your message grows over time.

    If you’re the “bad guy” and you sell it well, over time you’ll become “the loser” or “the dog” or “the asshole”

    If you’re the “nice guy” and you sell it well, over time you’ll become “the sap” or the “boring guy”

    Fellas treat yourself like a brand. Start off exclusive, new and fresh, then do some something controversial, then become THE standard classic steady-hand brand and then reinvent yourself by starting it all over again. Coca-Cola game…

    As for the ladies out there don’t think you can make a come back from desperation, like for real desperation is not cute… And beyond anything, don’t think that these prototypes actually exist, a lot of time [yall] make situations up in your minds, I think its called romance or something.

    The real issue is the “real nigga” vs the “slim ball.” Look for the true at the heart dude, whether he’s a nice or a little ruff around the edges you know this guy is going to be real with you and will at least try to do the right thing. The “slim ball” on the other hand… well that speaks for itself.

  • Spice

    NGs are only rebound guys. You can’t expect to want one if you are used to the “other”type of guy. I want a guy to possess all of these qualities: nice, a thug when it calls for it, and can tell me to calm my azz down when needs be, and a few other qualities that I can’t talk about right now -LOL. I guess I don’t have a name for this type of guy but I know for sure he is not categorized as NG…..

  • Enovaj

    I think the reason Black women only like Bad boys is because they have an air of confidence about them.
    However, there are NG’s who have that same swagger. But given the right woman even the bad boy will become the NG if he is truly into her. They too can become sappy.

    Its all about finding the balance in a guy that YOU like. If you like them educated with some hood in him, then that will appeal to a certain kind of woman.
    Also, because white woman’s morals and values are different from the onset. They are taught to know what a good provider is, black women may not have had that advantage point. So the system is skewed out the gate. Personally, I don’t want a sap. I do want a NG who knows when to tell me to hush. But strong enough to show me he wants me around.

    Smooches,
    Enovaj

  • Clinton Wesley

    …I’m a member of the Bad Boy club and also a client of the Bad Girl Guy…hence why I’m still single…But really it’s all natural selection – a bad boy needs an equally strong bad girl…the goodies and cornies will end up together. Once we stop denying and feeling guilty for liking what we like we wont be single anymore. Elementary dear watson!Brilliant!

  • Clinton Wesley

    correction – Bad Girl Club…

  • Martin

    Clinton I fully agree with you! Why is it so hard to accept that liking a person and being happy with them is really all that matters? It just seems like we are grasping and looking for that “little something” different all the time. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with wanting perfection but is that reality? If a NG makes you happy in a corny way, does that corniness cancel out the fact that you are still happy? It just sounds to me like a lot of us are living the infamous never statisfied syndrome.

  • Dirk

    All this advice about treat yourself as a brand is bullshit. If you don’t like a guy for who he is them step off. He is not for you. Thing are going to be what going to be, even before you stepped into something. Love is something you have to work at, but your shouldn’t have to work at it that hard if your really to be with that person.

  • Dirk

    Plus I 100 percent agree with Martin.