A few months ago, the guys from men’s lifestyle magazine Complex compiled this nifty little list of how to cheat on your girlfriend this season. Now that the weather is getting colder, who needs cabin fever when there are thousands of options to choose from, right? Riigghhht…The results are in the new Dec/Jan issue. but because we love you and promise to always look out for your interests, we posted a brief synopsis below the jump.
Now, before reading this, keep a few things in mind. 1) Some of this you may already know–but this will just give you a little background. 2) Now that this has been published, you may have some guys who add a new twist to some of these ideas, so look out for small revisions of the same. 3) We have been blessed with the power of intuition–which trumps any of this. Always go with your gut and 4) MOST IMPORTANTLY: All of these can easily be flipped to serve our own personal jump-off needs if necessary.
The Complex Guide to Cheating on your Girlfriend
- I.D. the type of girl you’re after and have the affair to remember.
- EXAMPLES: The younger chick: Pro: No matter what you do, it’s cooler than what guys her age are doing. Cons : She’s more tech savvy than you. Sex with the Ex: Pro: She already knows how to press your buttons. Cons: She’s more likely than any of them to think it’s actually going someplace.
2) Risk Assessment
- Consult our handly scorecard to see if your sidepiece is worth the trouble.
- EXAMPLES: Has more to lose than you do (+1); Knows anyone you know (-5), Has severe memory problems (+5), Is related to your girlfriend (-10)
3) Doing the Deed
- No intimacy in public. Ever
- Pay cash for every single thing, and lose the receipts
- If you save her digits, list it as one of your boys’ work numbers
4) The Aftermath
- Live in the present: no guilt, no nostalgia
- Once the deed is done, it’s over. Unplug and move on
5) Taxing Loopholes
- It’s NOT cheating if it’s done in another state
- It IS cheating if you take your jump-off mini-golfing
- It’s NOT cheating if 90% of your clothes stay on
- It IS cheating if saliva winds up on any part of your body
6) Conflict Resolution
- ADMIT SOME BUT NOT ALL: Blame intoxicants, the earth’s gravitational pull–anything that’ll take the edge off your involvement.
- COME CLEAN: If you’re caught dead to rights, it’s time for honesty, but leaven it a la Eddie Murphy: “Yea, I fucked her–but I make love to you.”
Check out the Web site for the full piece: Complex.com
BWAHAHAHAHA @ Eddie Murphy, here’s the whole joint, “Wooooo” at 48.00. You aren’t working, stop faking…Steely D