…Says the Single Girl: An Open Letter to all Women

Dear Single Girl:

Recently I slept with five different single attractive women in five consecutive nights. Two of them I’d just met the night we had sex. I won’t call them one night stands, well maybe. I know some people are saying I have issues and need to calm down. I’m not putting this out there to be judged but instead to merely spread some encouraging news.

In many of my relationships in the past whether it be a girlfriend for the night or for a long period of time, if she didn’t order me to wear a condom, I didn’t.

Each of the five women insisted on me wearing a condom.

In the past when women asked “Do you have a condom?” often I knew in their tone and in their eyes that there was an opening in their question for me to get over and not wear one. I did want to respect their intentions and it may sound confusing but I truly didn’t believe I was putting someone at risk and while I was selfish I knew, or at least thought I wouldn’t spread a disease or get anyone pregnant. I would sweet talk and say just for a second and when they agreed it was difficult for either one of us to stop. There were times when the woman would say ‘ok condom time’ and I would certainly respect. But these women were stern and I knew it wasn’t going down without protection. I could look into their eyes and tell.

Two of them I just met and was hanging out with them for the first night. I’m a single cat, with a cool fun personality and my game is tight (know the right things to say). When I went out with these chicks, cards were put on the table. I made them all aware that I’m single and they were all aware that I wasn’t trying to be in a committed relationship. I explained that I have “lots of friends.” While I was out with let’s say Monica on our first night of hanging out, we were at a club/lounge on the upper west side. We were with a few other people who made their move onto the dance floor. Monica and I stayed at the table talking. The conversation quickly went from brothers and sisters and Obama to Monica telling me she was attracted to me.

Monica: When was the last time you had sex?

I was completely honest.

Me: Last night.

My words were an aphrodisiac for her and she began to massage me between the legs under the table where we were sitting. She said she wanted to do things to me right now. I happen to like when women do “things” to me and didn’t object. So we left and did some “things” in the back seat of my car.

She might have been a spur of the moment freak but she wasn’t a dummy. The magic question was asked. I felt proud of her, demanding I use a condom. Go girl! I pulled one out of the stash and we engaged in good clean fun.

So, Single Girl, I write to you and your readers to applaud and encourage more women to demand that their dude wear a condom.

We only get away with what you let us.


A Single Man


Dear A Single Man:

Thanks for your honesty.

I know your insight will help many women who feel like if she demands a condom that the dude will leave her. Most women’s greatest fear is being alone.

I’m sure this will touch a nerve.

I look forward to the discussion…

— Says the Single Girl

Do you have a story to tell or a question for Single Girl? You can reach her directly at SingleGirlNotes@gmail.com. Don’t be shy!

Get updates from SG @ TWITTER.COM/The_Single_Girl

Bravely read the rest of her dating tips here.

Last 5 posts by The Single Girl

  • jbaker

    *Grabbing popcorn and a margarita*

  • Sekou

    Single man,
    You really trust these chics like that to NOT strap up? Dawg, these women are just like us now-a-days and if you value your dyck you best change your ways. Do you really think you’re the first one she’s “done things” to? Like you, I’m a good lookin single dude that goes out and does what I do. BUT, I don’t even run up in chics I’ve known for a while raw-dawg. I trust no one and I think that’s why I’m the only one of my crew that’s yet to get burnt.

  • Guywithglasses

    1) Don’t trust straight men that say “go girl!”

    2) This should make every chick be protected every time – http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/queens/2008/12/09/2008-12-09_charged_with_faking_aids_test_for_sex.html

  • B.O.T.Y!!!!

    Uhhm homeboy, you out your rabbit ass mind running up in these chicks raw. First rule of thumb for a ladies man, well self proclaimed “ladies man” is to strap up. I’m not trying to be evil but you asking to die! straight up, one night stands with no condom? i’m a single man myself so i know the temptation is there but homie handle yours, these chicks is out there too but thats another discussion. good luck homes, and oh yeah, there is a free clinic near you, google that shit!

  • Single Girl

    I love how these dudes are going hard on Single Man when reality is…

    Every Last One of them Has has UNPROTECTED sex at least once in their lives.

    Don’t get on a soapbox and preach when you know if you are dunk enough, horny enough, lazy enough, you’d be right in the wet wet working it out.

    “Baby, let me just put the tip in…”

    Eff outta here!

  • This dude is telling the truth. I travel a lot and when people hear that I’m going to places like Brazil, the first thing out their mouth is “You better strap on two condoms” or “Are you crazy, AIDS is serious out there”!

    My response is always the same…to keep it real it’s much easier for me to have unprotected sex in the States than it would in some 3rd World country. I’ve never done it out the borders but, please believe that if that insane thought ever crossed my mind, the chick is already packing a condom herself.

    Most women here don’t carry condoms themselves and as dude who wrote this can attest, if you say some slick shit in their ear (i.e. – “Let me just put the head in”), you can hit raw-dizzle!

    Stop being stupid ladies…rubber up!!!

  • amelda

    I did a survey a while ago on my own blog asking men about women who carried condoms. All but a couple said they’d assume she was a “hoe” (or some such). Few said she was a smart woman who was protecting herself and him. Reading this, I see why HIV is so prevalent.

    there is no such thing as sex without condoms to me. My code for ‘let’s stop all this foreplay and get it going’ is ‘grab a condom out the drawer.’ I am TERRIFIED of catching something whether it’s treatable or not.

  • Ummm…this dude obviously does NOT want to use protection when he’s doing his business. I give this “Personal Essay” a big flat F and a half, because from the way this sounds…he has a lot of hobbies, but needs a better one. Good luck dude…when you catch something. There’s more mess out there than HIV and unwanted pregnancy…and here’s the catch, THEY ARE NOT ALL CURABLE EITHER. Peace and long life my brother, lol. I’ll be praying for you…ha.

  • Sekou

    Single Girl,
    You’re really trying to put all single black men in one box huh? Stop comparing me to the dudes that you mess with. A lot of us actually are responsible! Imagine that!!!

  • Sekou-
    I don’t think Single Girl mentioned “Black Men”specifically in her comment. Men are men–black, white, yellow, furry, scaly, etc… If put in the moment, things happen. That’s all she’s trying to say. Let’s not make it a race issue if it doesn’t have to be.

  • Single Girl

    @ Sekou

    1 – I never once mentioned race.

    2 – Nice jab “Stop comparing me to the dudes that you mess with”.

    However, to assume that this Open Letter or my opinion that more men/women sleep without a condom than they want to admit publicly is based on my personal action in the bedroom is dumb and proves you miss the whole point.

    You are so up in arms but answer me this:

    Have you EVER had unprotected sex?

    Do you think if you pushed you go away with not using a condom with a woman?

    If you want to talk about race, BLACK WOMEN HAVE THE HIGHEST RATE OF NEW HIV CASES.

    Where do you suppose they are getting it from?

    They all can’t be drug addicts!

  • Sekou

    This is amusing…

    First, I wasn’t trying to make this a “race issue (LMFAO),” I simply made an incorrect assumption about this blog. MY BAD.

    And maybe I did miss the point of the open letter. Its very easy to get cough up in the chest pumping and miss the one line public service announcement at the end. By reading the comments I would assume I wasn’t the only one.

    To answer your questions:
    Yes I’ve had unprotected sex, but as a percent of the times I’ve had sex it would be in the single digits.

    Great question, but I have no idea. I’ve never been in that situation but I would probably say yes.

    I never made any assumption as to where black women are getting HIV from, I just wanted to make a point that some of us take it upon ourselves to carry/wear condoms.