There are 3 types of people in the world:
-Those who want to get married.
-Those who downplay marriage/say they don’t want to get married (mainly because they feel they haven’t met that person or they let that person slip away).
-Those who really will not get married (they know they are difficult and don’t want to ruin another person’s life)
I never questioned if I would get married. It was just a question of when. Then again it wasn’t a question of when I’d be on TV, I just knew I was going to be a guest on Arsenio Hall- and if I was lucky , it would be the same episode as The Boys…but I digress.
Marriage was all I knew. My religious upbringing taught me that God made man and woman to procreate and build a race of people. Anything outside of that was icing on the cake.
I’m not gonna lie, I thought for sure I would have at least been engaged by now, married at 30 and pop out some kids before 35. Thankfully for you, if all of that were to be true you wouldn’t have the pleasure of reading this right now.
For the past two months, marriage has come up wherever I go and days ago I came across one man’s interpretation of what he thought was a good reason for why some shouldn’t jump into holy matrimony. What struck me the most was this:
“…We should learn from the mistakes of our ancestors. Many people are stuck in bad, unhealthy relationships and marriages because of their family values. I say why be miserable?” – Blogxilla
Before I address this let’s go back…
Recently I was at a friend’s wedding. At the reception I had the privilege of sitting next to a 30 year old MILF. Her husband was home with the kids and as a mother of a toddler and 5-month old she was fully enjoying her night out.
She spoke about how she and her husband were the first of their friends to get married five years ago and that when you are with someone, you know if they are “worth it”. You look at them one day and your inner voice tells you “you can spend your life with him/her.” Note that voice doesn’t say “He/She is perfect.”
That same inner voice will also tell you if there is no chance in hell and you are playing yourself just to have a warm body in bed with you. But most of us choose to ignore that voice.
According to her, marriage is knowing that you have something greater than yourself. When you are a bachelor(ette) you allow your world to revolve around your needs and short-term wants.
Now, to address Mr. Blogxilla’s “learning from our ancestor’s mistakes…”
The devaluing of marriage as a societal pillar is a mistake. Thinking that you are greater than a “we” is a mistake. Allowing yourself to act married, demand the respect, time, energy from your partner as if they were a spouse then dead them when the newness comes around…that is a mistake.
Marriage is about trust and hard work. And the greatest thing about marriage isn’t whether you will be happy everyday you are together (That’s a fantasy!) but rather what the two of you can create together, in other words children, a legacy.
For some reason, we like to feel that we are so damn special that no one in the world is on our level. It’s the Superstar Mentality (“I’m so special, so special, so special, so special”). The thought of being with someone who will call us on our bullshit, see us when we are most vulnerable, get on our last nerve yet love us more than they can stand is something they feel they can do without.
The unpopularity of marriage comes from seeing our elders (the past teo-three generations) not getting or staying married.
Compared to our ancestors who sneaked under the cover of darkness and symbolized their matrimony by jumping a broom, we are a bunch of quitters.
Divorce rates are over 50% because folks didn’t take the correct measures to get to know their spouses. So of course when shit gets hard the easiest way out is through the door and to blame the institution of marriage itself like the words “I Do” and that ring on your finger made you cheat with your co-worker in the supply closet. I don’t think so.
There must really be something to this marriage thing when you have millions of Americans fighting to have the right to wed the one they love.
Don’t take it for granted.
P.S. – Guess who caught the bouquet!
â€” Says the Single Girl
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