How do you not let â€œsingledomâ€ effect how you feel about yourself? How do you stop the â€œWhat’s wrong with me?â€ thoughts from creeping in, every now and then?
– Dope Girl
Every now and again I have my moments when I call my best friend and I whine in her ear about this very same question. She listens patiently and when Iâ€™ve stopped with my rant (â€œI just donâ€™t understand itâ€¦â€) she hits me with:
â€œSG, you are single because you want to be. You could have had a boyfriend a long time ago but you donâ€™t want just any man.”
And each time, Iâ€™m silenced.
Too High vs Too Low Expectations
I, like many women, operate in extremes. Either Iâ€™m getting it in or Iâ€™m brushing cobwebs out of my panties. Either Iâ€™m dating four guys at once or contemplating joining Match.com (no comment). Either I date the super nice educated guy that I can walk all over or Iâ€™m chasing a man with a baby momma and a bat phone.
We wonder why we canâ€™t find a good looking straight man with perfect credit, no kids, a career (not a job), his own place, car, savings account, nice teeth, big dick, no mental or jealously issues, no lingering ex-girlfriends, mommy or daddy issues…
All the while thereâ€™s a nice man, maybe a garbage man who occasionally smells like rotten banana peels, who has had you on his radar but itâ€™s too late. Youâ€™ve already gone into â€œFuck it, Iâ€™ll just be by my damn self, just me and my rabbitâ€ mode. Or you open your door to the scum of the earth, rationalizing it to friends because see you donâ€™t â€œwant him to be my man so itâ€™s ok if he doesnâ€™t have a job and his parole officer calls my house.”
Seeking out a mate is test of will and balance. You canâ€™t go in with a long list of â€œDonâ€™ts & Wonâ€™ts.â€ Strip away all of the frivolous shit and get to the core of what you need in a mate: Trust, Love, Good Sex, Intelligence, Stability and Drive.
Who you attract is a reflection of who you are and where you are in your life.
Are you meeting men who donâ€™t know what they want?
Chances are youâ€™re the chick that holds the line up at the â€œmake your own saladâ€ counter during the lunch-hour rush deciding between croÃ»tons or craisins.
Been coming across men who are unreliable, unstable and cold?
Chances are your money ainâ€™t right, you hate your roommate and your mood swings dip lower than Aretha Franklinâ€™s tit-tays.
In order to attract the type of man you want and vice versa, you need to learn how to deal with your own issues.
Women who find themselves staring in the mirror searching for what it is in them that is keeping men away need to know that yes, there most likely is something in your personality that might be pushing men away. (Iâ€™m not even going to get into outward appearance. Yes, it does count!)
Your Role in the Loneliness
The Ego Killer
The woman who has a tongue made of razor blades and whenever a man makes a boast, whether it be in jest or serious, she cuts him in half. Men are sensitive creatures. The last thing they want is a woman who isnâ€™t going to make them feel good and occupy their little fantasy world every now and then. Even if you donâ€™t agree with him, sometimes a simple head nod and â€œThatâ€™s niceâ€ is all you need. Men donâ€™t like women who always have some slick shit to say. Save it for your girlfriends.
Men do like challenges but they donâ€™t like an impenetrable wall. There is nothing wrong with being shy but unresponsive like a corpse or indecisive isnâ€™t gonna get you any dates. Men hate being asked â€œWhat are you thinking?â€ but they hate it even more when they canâ€™t get a read on a woman they really want to get to know better. When it looks like itâ€™s gonna take some dynamite, a hard hat and a jackhammer to crack through to you, heâ€™d rather pack it up and find an easy chick that will give into him faster.
The Good Girl Jump Off
This may sound like an oxymoron but itâ€™s real. I have a homie who swears she is sugary sweet and a â€œgood girlâ€ (translation: low body count) yet she finds herself in these â€œrelationshipsâ€ that arenâ€™t relationships. She cries to me about â€œWhy, after months of sleeping with him, doesnâ€™t he want to be my man?â€ Simple: You played it like you were such a modest â€œgood girlâ€ then you let him drive the ship and your boatâ€™s been docked at the â€œSorry, Iâ€™m not looking for a relationship but Iâ€™ll take the free pussâ€ pier for months. You gave him room to walk all over you. Stand up for yourself; say what you want when you want it and grow some balls.
The question â€œwhat is wrong with me?â€ is misleading. It gives off this sense of â€œIâ€™m a victim at the mercy of men who just donâ€™t want to see the good in me.â€ Nothing is further from the truth. There is nothing â€œwrongâ€ with me or any of you. There are just little things we can tweak to make ourselves more desirable, to men but mostly to ourselves.
â€” Says the Single Girl
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