…Says The Single Girl: Womb For Sale

I shouldn’t have left you for so long. Its just that outside of this white page and cute font, SG has a real life to handle. I’ve been busy.

One thing I did realize while I was walking the earth is:

I’m getting older and my mother wants grandbabies.

Ladies, if you thought that was pressure, imagine the added weight of your FATHER hitting you up for grand kids!

I almost crashed the car when he made this declaration as we drove to the grocery store.

Pops: I want to introduce you to Mike.

SG: Who is Mike?

Pops: He’s tall. I think he’s about 32. He’s stable. Good-looking guy.

SG: Are you serious?

Pop: Yes, I want some grandkids.

SWERVE!

SG: What does he do?

Pops: He’s the UPS man.

SG: Pops, are you serious?!? (cue Neffy from Keyshia Cole show)

Pops: He’s been on the job for 10 years.

SG: Does he have children?

Pops: Yes, one. It don’t live with him though.

SG: Really, is that the kind of man you want me to marry? An absentee father?

Pops: I’m just saying the kid lives in another state.

SG: This conversation is over!

Ladies, you thought you felt the pressure when your mother starts on you about having kids but when your father starts…lord have mercy.

I thought about what my life would be like if I were already a mother. I would be a totally different person with a different outlook, goals, wardrobe, bedtime and bank statement.

Of course I want children but I can’t let my biological clock overrule my senses. Senses that tell me that before I think of having children I must:

1.  Learn how to keep a plant alive
2.  Get a dog (its like practice)
3.  Become involved in a healthy relationship
4.  Balance my checkbook
5.  Repent for all the times I’ve made fun of other people’s kids
6.  Take a trip to some far off place where I’ll never be able to go once I’m a mom

In the meantime I’ll keep dispensing unfertilized eggs.

— Says the Single Girl

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P.S. I missed you guys

image via pjlighthouse

Last 5 posts by The Single Girl

  • Mahogs

    #1, #2, #6 are my faves on your list of things to do before kids. My words exactly!

  • MoJo

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!-keep dispensing unfertilized eggs. love it. thats what i do.

  • aileezee

    My father recently assured me that it would be okay if I had a child out of wedlock. Thanks, Dad. I’ll be right on that.

  • take care of that list first girl! love my kids but it’s hella hard to get through my list once they arrived on the scene

  • Getagrip

    No one is ever ‘prepared’ for children. You can have all the money in the world and still never be prepared for them. So that list IMO is not realistic. Because then what happens when you:
    Have a nice plant growing healthy (and it suddenly dies)
    Have a cute rottweiller (cause one of them small shits isn’t comporable to a kid) who is trained and it suddenly bites yo ass.
    You checkbook is balanced, adn all of a sudden some automatic payment deducts three times instead of once
    Have a healthy relationship, etc.

    Either you are or you aren’t. When the stick turns into two lines, just pray to God the child has 10 fingers, toes, and doesn’t look like the brother you can’t stand. LOL!

  • Niasia

    Oh my goodness I thought it was only me! My mother is on me every time she talks to me! And let us not even talk about the “old maid” comments.