Doubt Doesn’t Negate Truth

Image and video hosting by TinyPicLast week’s post (“Make Him Buy the Cow”) received some dubious comments from a couple of skeptical readers. So this week, assuming that those ladies aren’t alone in their concerns, I’ve decided to address the aforementioned comments. But before I go on, I should point out that while a lot of my advice applies to all dating women, when it comes to issues (like sex) where a woman who is looking to settle down and a woman who wants to play the field might need different advice, I’m talking to my commitment-minded ladies who want to find, catch, and keep “the one.”

Question: What qualifies Hitched Chick as an expert on dating?

Answer: Obviously, I am not a certified dating expert, if such a thing exists. I got the idea for this blog after having countless discussions with my girlfriends about dating and relationships and realizing that most (though certainly not all) of my single friends had one thing in common: they had not figured out how to set and stick to an unwavering standard for themselves and any man they date. Even the ones who want to get married waste time dating the wrong men, hoping they can change them and they delude themselves into believing that to attract the right kind of man, they don’t have to adjust some of their own behaviors. My advice is meant to serve as a reminder that establishing a lasting relationship is as much about making smart choices as it is about falling in love. Also, I have been party to some enlightening conversations between my husband and his single friends. Seeing both sides of the coin has made me aware that many women have no idea what they’re up against when it comes to dealing with men and I feel obliged to offer some assistance to my fellow females.

Question: Why are all the discussions about sex focused on women being or not being “easy”? What about guys giving it up too easily?

Answer: You show me a man who isn’t “easy” and I’ll show you a comatose quadriplegic. Most men, especially those who want to settle down, are walking oxymorons when it comes to sex and relationships: they want sex, but they won’t want you if you give it to them too soon. Chalk it up to life not being fair, but we’d all be single if we held men to the same standards they hold us to. Women who are ready for a committed relationship can’t dwell on these injustices; they just have to stay a step ahead. This is not to say that women shouldn’t set standards regarding the sexual history and habits of a potential partner—quite the opposite, in fact. But we have to understand that men and women have different priorities when it comes to selecting a mate. We don’t want to scrimp on stability and ambition any more than a man wants to scrimp on marrying a “good girl.” Don’t believe me? A little internet research will uncover hundreds of surveys in which men reveal that that they want to marry a woman who, among other things, desires them alone and does not have too many guys to compare them to in bed. Do you want to prove that you can maintain the same sexual practices as a man and still find a good one to marry you, or do you want to actually get married? It’s your call.

Comment: When you find the right guy you won’t have to play the waiting “game.”


Response:
Making a guy wait isn’t a game; it’s a way for commitment-minded women to weed out men who are only interested in a short-term, good time and show commitment-minded men that they mean business. You may be aware of a situation where a couple experienced an amazing connection, had sex on the first date, and still got married, but please don’t bank on that being you. It’s just not the norm. Men have a sixth sense for “easy” women. They can tell if you really “never do this kind of thing,” or if your nickname around town is “Easy Does It.” While you’re going through guys hoping for the one who’ll love you despite your loose ways to come along, some of those guys are putting rings on the fingers of women who knew how to postpone pleasure long enough to find out what the relationship is really made of.

Question: What about a woman’s desire for sex? What role does that play?


Answer:
Of course women desire sex; there’s something wrong with a woman who doesn’t. But people have a lot of desires that have to be curbed or properly channeled in order to achieve a goal. Women who want to get married have to approach dating differently. You may not want to believe it, but giving into all of your sexual desires could keep you from snagging Mr. Right. Men are, by nature, more territorial than women. If you sleep with a guy you barely know because you desire him, his instincts will tell him that you’ve done the same thing with lots of other guys. He could have turned out to be Mr. Right, but you’d never know because no man wants to “wife” a woman whose territory has already been conquered by a football team. Fair or not, “sexually seasoned” is not a quality that most men want in a wife.

Ladies, you may not want to accept that your choices regarding sex can seal the fate of your relationship, and you may think it unfair that women are subject to the scrutiny of men when it comes to this issue, but that doesn’t make it any less fact. The sooner you accept the truth, the sooner you’ll reap the rewards.

With Love,

Hitched Chick

Last 5 posts by Hitched Chick

  • Hitched Chick,
    Crazy that you had to defend the previous article, but you did it well. I”m in my mid-30’s and just realized the waiting “game” is the way to go. I can relate to what the other readers were saying about women being able to play the field like one of the boys, but when it comes down to it, there are just things that are pretty standard when it comes to guys. Good luck everyone!

  • Mojo

    wow. talk about slave mentality. women don’t have to be second class citizens waiting for a man to legitimize them with a ring of approval. dang. you’re completely missing the point of equality. but, like i said last time -if you want to play THAT kind of game for THAT kind of man, do it. and just to clarify, i never said you don’t have to wait when you’ve met mr. right. I’m pretty sure I just commented on games being unnecessary, period.

    I guess my primary point of contention is with what seems to be your basic assumption that women are looking to get married and getting married counts for something or that it’s a major goal. The language you use is all about winning like marriage is a trophy to show off. If government approval and a diamond on your finger makes you feel better because that’s what you think stability and ambition in relationships amount to, than yeah, you probably do need to play that game for that kind of man.

    Of course every man wants a woman to want him and him alone –most people prefer their partner to only want them. And a man wanting you have nothing for comparison so you don’t know how bad he is probably someone you don’t need to bother marrying. It’s hard to respect wanting ignorance in a partner just so they won’t know that you don’t know what you’re doing.

    and for clarification I’m not a proponent of careless sex. I can’t even talk to a guy I really like, so touch him? yeah, it does take time

    …and, doing a little bit of internet research is probably not the most reliable source of information.

  • ebwriter

    You made very good points!