Sex is your stock and itâ€™s a hot commodity among men. If you give it away without requiring the guy to make an investment, youâ€™ll lose the upper hand and end up with the raw end of the deal. I know that these days a lot of people view sex as a casual exchange, but many men, especially the marrying types, are more old-fashioned than you think. The thing is, no guy will say to you â€œif you sleep with me too soon, I wonâ€™t take you seriously.â€ You wonâ€™t get the memo until itâ€™s too late. So play it safe. If you want to be the one he brings home to mama, youâ€™d better stop giving the milk away for free.
Whether youâ€™re basing your decisions about sex on religious, moral, strategic, or hormonal factors, there should always be a waiting period – if you want the relationship to last. The timing of when you â€œgive it upâ€ is an important part of the equation your guy will use to categorize you (yes, men categorize women) and you want to be in his â€œsheâ€™s a keeperâ€ category, not on his â€œcanâ€™t turn a hoâ€™ into a house wifeâ€ list. So, if you think youâ€™ve found a good guy whom you might like to keep around, donâ€™t mess it up by being like every other easy girl heâ€™s dated. The question is: How long should you make him wait?
As always, it depends. But, itâ€™s not about counting days; itâ€™s about setting a standard and waiting until your relationship has reached that level. If ninety days have passed and your guy hasnâ€™t proven worthy, guess what? No deal. In addition to having spent a significant amount of time (i.e. months, not hours) getting to know your guy, there are three things you MUST have before you sleep with him:
1.) Confirmation that your guy cares about you more than getting the draws: A waiting period is not just some generic formula, itâ€™s a time for you to see if your guy is into you enough to stick around even if sex isnâ€™t part of the equation. The longer you make him wait, the more sure youâ€™ll be that if or when you do have sex, it will be about real intimacy and it wonâ€™t set the relationship on the wrong course.
2.) A willing commitment accompanied by a label: This should need no further explanation (see Hitched Chick post â€œDonâ€™t Believe the Hype: Labels Matterâ€).
3.) A meeting of the friends: As youâ€™re trying to decide if your guyâ€™s a keeper (and if you should sleep with him) you need to know that heâ€™s willing to make you part of his circle. You also need to see how he interacts with you while in the company of his boys. Your guy should meet your girl friends too – their objective input is important, especially if you tend to be blinded by lust. Plus, youâ€™ll want to know that your guy gets along with your girls if you plan to keep him around.
Thereâ€™s really no downside to making a guy wait. If you end up learning that heâ€™s a controlling, kleptomaniac of a mamaâ€™s boy, youâ€™ll be glad you didnâ€™t waste a bedpost notch on him. And if he turns out to be â€œthe one,â€ youâ€™ll be glad you didnâ€™t become another casualty by giving it up too early.
Ladies, if youâ€™re looking for a long-term relationship but canâ€™t seem to keep your panties on, I want each of you to ask yourself this question: Why arenâ€™t I saving myself until I know a man deserves the honor of making love to me? Are you lonely and thinking sex is an easy way to get a manâ€™s attention? Do you think that sex is the best thing you can offer a man and that he wonâ€™t stick around without it? Please remember that until you learn to value yourself, youâ€™ll only attract men who will take advantage of you. If youâ€™re just horny, there are other remedies for that.
Sex is a big deal whether you believe it or not, and the world has dictated that we, as women, possess the â€œpowerâ€ when it comes to copulation. So, be smart and use your power for the good of your relationship; donâ€™t relinquish it to a man who only wants to use it for evil! Keep it tight, ladies!
Take it from a married lady, the road to the altar is not paved in gold. Read the rest of her musings here.
Last 5 posts by Hitched Chick
- Check Yourself - November 30th, 2009
- Stop Asking Your Single Girls for Advice - July 27th, 2009
- Nobody's THAT Busy - July 13th, 2009
- Play in Your League - July 6th, 2009
- "Help Me Hitched Chick: Guy to Keep or Online Creep?" - June 22nd, 2009