Make Him Buy the Cow

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Sex is your stock and it’s a hot commodity among men. If you give it away without requiring the guy to make an investment, you’ll lose the upper hand and end up with the raw end of the deal. I know that these days a lot of people view sex as a casual exchange, but many men, especially the marrying types, are more old-fashioned than you think. The thing is, no guy will say to you “if you sleep with me too soon, I won’t take you seriously.” You won’t get the memo until it’s too late. So play it safe. If you want to be the one he brings home to mama, you’d better stop giving the milk away for free.

Whether you’re basing your decisions about sex on religious, moral, strategic, or hormonal factors, there should always be a waiting period – if you want the relationship to last. The timing of when you “give it up” is an important part of the equation your guy will use to categorize you (yes, men categorize women) and you want to be in his “she’s a keeper” category, not on his “can’t turn a ho’ into a house wife” list. So, if you think you’ve found a good guy whom you might like to keep around, don’t mess it up by being like every other easy girl he’s dated. The question is: How long should you make him wait?

As always, it depends. But, it’s not about counting days; it’s about setting a standard and waiting until your relationship has reached that level. If ninety days have passed and your guy hasn’t proven worthy, guess what? No deal. In addition to having spent a significant amount of time (i.e. months, not hours) getting to know your guy, there are three things you MUST have before you sleep with him:

1.) Confirmation that your guy cares about you more than getting the draws: A waiting period is not just some generic formula, it’s a time for you to see if your guy is into you enough to stick around even if sex isn’t part of the equation. The longer you make him wait, the more sure you’ll be that if or when you do have sex, it will be about real intimacy and it won’t set the relationship on the wrong course.

2.) A willing commitment accompanied by a label: This should need no further explanation (see Hitched Chick post “Don’t Believe the Hype: Labels Matter”).

3.) A meeting of the friends: As you’re trying to decide if your guy’s a keeper (and if you should sleep with him) you need to know that he’s willing to make you part of his circle. You also need to see how he interacts with you while in the company of his boys. Your guy should meet your girl friends too – their objective input is important, especially if you tend to be blinded by lust. Plus, you’ll want to know that your guy gets along with your girls if you plan to keep him around.

There’s really no downside to making a guy wait. If you end up learning that he’s a controlling, kleptomaniac of a mama’s boy, you’ll be glad you didn’t waste a bedpost notch on him. And if he turns out to be “the one,” you’ll be glad you didn’t become another casualty by giving it up too early.

Ladies, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship but can’t seem to keep your panties on, I want each of you to ask yourself this question: Why aren’t I saving myself until I know a man deserves the honor of making love to me? Are you lonely and thinking sex is an easy way to get a man’s attention? Do you think that sex is the best thing you can offer a man and that he won’t stick around without it? Please remember that until you learn to value yourself, you’ll only attract men who will take advantage of you. If you’re just horny, there are other remedies for that.

Sex is a big deal whether you believe it or not, and the world has dictated that we, as women, possess the “power” when it comes to copulation. So, be smart and use your power for the good of your relationship; don’t relinquish it to a man who only wants to use it for evil!
Keep it tight, ladies!

With love,

Hitched Chick

Take it from a married lady, the road to the altar is not paved in gold. Read the rest of her musings here.

Last 5 posts by Hitched Chick

  • Mojo

    umm, i get it but this is valuing the man’s opinion of the woman over the woman’s opinion of the man. where’s the question about if he gives it up too easy? using sex as power isn’t the same thing as getting respect. sex can be special and intimate just like many other activities, and it can be abused just like many other activities. if making him wait is part of the game to getting a man and you want to play the game to get that man, fine. i’m not really into games though and have found most of the people i like and relationships i’ve had that are worthwhile don’t require that type of rule. i do agree that time is irreplaceable in getting to know people but buy the cow? i think i resent the idea of being bought.

  • dionne

    this whole post negates the idea that women actually want and desire sex too. it’s all about “giving” it away. what about what she’s taking?

    curious, parlour, what qualifies this married woman to give advice? why do married people automatically think they are experts on marriage?

  • ebwriter

    I don’t know about this article … But what I will say, in response to Dionne’s question about “Why do married people automatically think they are experts on marriage?” Is that married people do know something about relationships because THEY ARE MARRIED. They must have done something right…

  • james….

    “Sex is your stock and it’s a hot commodity among men. If you give it away without requiring the guy to make an investment, you’ll lose the upper hand and end up with the raw end of the deal.” this is the philosophy of the golden vagina…used by porn stars and want to be wives! It equates sex with money and investment and those types of things in a mans mind and instincts. which further equates you to an commodity or an acquisition in our minds…NOT A REAL PERSON…so if this is your philosophy towards getting a man prepare yourself to be treated as such. your body parts can be rented at any local brothel for less than 200 bucks(and those girls make money off there looks…thats not even two good dates! yours hearts and minds are ware the true value lies! more and more guys are going this route because you equate yourselves with tramps and tramp for tramp the better deal is the brothel. real value is between the brain and the loins….the heart!

  • Jaiem6

    You will never get to have sex if you wait for a guy that actually “cares” about you. That just doesn’t happen most of the time. If anything…..Ladies…determine ahead of time if the guy you are seeing is marriage material in the first place. If he is not…..get yourself some sex, gifts, free dinners and some bills paid…..then move on. Turn the tables on these guys. They are out to get what they can from you from the moment they meet you. Learn to play the game ladies!!!!