…Says the Single Girl: Dickmatized

cassie shavedcassie shaved 2

There is only one thing that I know can make a woman cut her hair, lose or gain crazy weight or insist folks call her by a new name she picked from a fortune cookie wrapper – dick.

I’m not talking regular d.i.. I’m talking the equivalent of California kush or hydro kinda magic stick.

Look over the course of history. While women have proven to be strong, leaders and rationale all coolness escapes once they’ve been turned out by a man who has managed to eff them so good they start to lose brain cells.

Cleopatra killed herself.

Monica Lewinsky kept a souvenir.

The Astronaut bitch drove for hours and pissed in diapers.

Lauyrn Hill…need I say more?

And the newest attention to the juicy got ’em crazy crew is…Cassie.

For the last two years Cassie has been getting dicked down by Diddy. She’s been forced to keep it a secret. She’s probably being turned out and mind fucked by his egomaniacal ways. The child even released a song about it (“Official Girl”).

Recently, the beauty shaved her head. Not the whole head, just half. I guess to show she’s only half crazy.

Believe or not, this happens more often than not.

You can be dickmatized and be happy as well as sad.

When you’re happy your skin glows, you have a hop in your step and hear the birds sing, even if its night.

When you’re sad, you act out, become withdrawn and depressed. Wanting more than what you’re getting yet you don’t want to take the risk of losing all of your d-game access by bitching and complaining too much.

I love to tell the story of a girlfriend who was seriously dickmatized by a dude. None of her friends understood why she was with him but they assumed it was the way he laid it down.

It’s his birthday and she decides to throw him a party. However, there was a catch. Over the couple months they’d been dating, he never made it a point to introduce her to his friends. They were, themselves, planning a party for their homie. She decides to attach herself to what was essentially a group of his male friends kicking it at a bar/lounge. She insists her girls come to her man’s party.

Her girls get there. Its dead! 20 mins in, her man and his friends are slipping out the front door. She catches wind. Runs to the back kitchen to come out with a huge cake to try to get him to stay.

Doesn’t work.

The girls, seeing their dear friend slipping, decide to leave as well and take her with them. Her man and his friends hop in a cab. She, still holding the cake, insists that they drive behind the guys.

At a red light, she rolls her window down and starts begging this man not to leave her. They exchange words and as the light turns green she hops out, drops the cake in the street and jumps in the already full cab.

That must have been some voodoo if I do say so myself.

PSA: Dickmatization is an epidemic. It claims the sanity of millions of women each year. If you or someone you know is caught up please ask for help.


Bravely read the rest of her dating tips for Parlouristas here. Do you have a story to tell or a question for Single Girl? You can reach her directly at SingleGirlNotes@gmail.com. Don’t be shy!

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Last 5 posts by The Single Girl

  • “The Astronaut bitch drove for hours and pissed in diapers.”


    Yes I was once a victim of this sickness. Once said to a dude “I Love You, and you don’t have to say it back”

    It’s a helluva drug

  • loved, Loved, LOVED this post, single girl. you had me literally LOL and nodding in agreement, as i remembered being under the spell myself. i’m happily in recovery but i know that relapse is possible. can i use your phrase?

  • GVG

    I just had a woman tell me this morning that we as men shouldn’t give you women the full good dick on the first hit so said ladies don’t lose their damn minds. My thing is if you crazy you going to be crazy if you get it laid on day one or day 26. Hopefully you won’t be as much of a little whiney bitch as Q though.

  • Joelle

    HAH!!! This is some crazy shyt!! Fortunately I have never had this experience and pray it never happens but thanks of spilling the 411 on Cassie and Diddy’s ass!! LOL!!

    No matter what though she does pull this hairstyle off well!!! She still has a beautiful face.

  • Dom

    O My Gawd! That story is ri-dam-dickalus! I would have cried for her! Why were her friends aiding abetting this foolishness? Sad sad all around.

    Anywhoo, good post! This is too true. I’m still having a hard time believing Diddy is working with all that though. Dude looks sweet as Cotton Candy!

  • blank.stare.

  • MissCocoaLuv said it best: “It’s a helluva drug”

    You speak the truth…been there and done that! Well, never hung out of a car window and begged but been involved in some equally insane activity. We ladies got help each other out from going down that road, that’s what friends are for.

    Cassie is really gonna regret that when it starts to grow out…

  • Sorry, but this sounds like a bunch of young chicks that have not learned their true sexuality. How the hell do you let six to nine inches of temporary satisfaction make you shave your head, run after a man or piss in your pants? That sounds stupid. And I do not think Cassie did the hair thing because she is dickwhipped…She is probably trying to do something for her publicity or she is doing a new movie or she is donating hair.

    Once women learn the power of the VULVA they will control their own minds…

  • Moochie

    HA! this is great and oh so true….

  • Enovaj

    “juicy got ‘em crazy”….you really have to be a fan to even remember that quote. LMAO!!!!!

    This was too funny. And so true at the same time. Women show signs of this in different ways too. But to go to that extreme, WOW!!!

  • Charlie M.

    ……….even ignorant ass Camron knows that if you hit “the bottom” it’s a rap!