Dear Single Girl,
I’m a good dude. I have a job (amazing in this economy), no kids, and college degrees. I recently bought my second home. Some would say I’m a great catch. The thing is, I don’t want to get married. Not now, maybe never. I’m writing because I’m not sure how to tell this incredible woman I’m dating that I don’t want to get married. Will she automatically leave me alone because she knows that I won’t put a ring on her finger? Or will she at least like me enough to enjoy what we can have, short of walking down the aisle. I’m not saying I won’t meet someone that I will want to spend the rest of my life with, it’s just that it’s not on the top of my list.
– No Vows For Me
Dear No Vows,
I commend you for knowing what it is that you want, or in this case don’t want. I tend to believe that all men know what it is that they want but don’t have the courage to tell women for the same fear you have-being rejected. Telling a woman what you want gives her the freedom of choice to deal with all the cards laid out on the table. Women like to know their limits. I didn’t say that they respect limits, but they like to know what they are so that they can push them. Every woman feels like she will be the one to get you to change your mind. Limits only tell us how to plot accordingly.
The issue of marriage should come up early on in the courtship process. Don’t go on the first date and blurt it out that you don’t want to get married after your order appetizers. During the “getting to know you” conversations her views on her parents relationship, marriage as a union, etc will come up. Most women will spill it directly or indirectly that they want to get married.
If You tell her…
…she will be disappointed.
A lot of people say they don’t want to get married but who really means it. Who wants to die alone? She’ll try to figure out what happened in your childhood that caused this. Did your dad beat your mother? Was your mother a bitch? These are real questions women ask themselves in hopes of trying to fix men.
…she will question whether she should waste her time on something that isn’t going to pay off.
Women don’t live in the moment. We live for the moment that is going to lead to the future. It’s not enough for you to be a great boyfriend. The goal is for you to be a great boyfriend we hope to see ourselves married to one day, the father of our kids, the one who pays the mortgage every month…on time!
…she’ll try to change your mind.
Home cooked meals, mind blowing sex, attentive to your wants and needs. She’ll try to show you how good of a woman she is. In a perfect world, you’ll wake up and it will dawn on you that you can’t live without her.
If You don’t tell her…
…over time she’ll grow resentful of you.
Who wants a woman that hates them just as much as she loves them? You would have made a fool of her and the old adage “Why buy the cow…” ring true. She’ll stay as long as her pride will allow, fearful that all of her years of hard work will make you a better man for the next woman who you’ll marry in a year’s time.
There is nothing wrong with getting married or not. Vows, you might luck out and meet a lot of women who don’t want to marry you either. With the economy the way that it is what’s the point.
Bravely read the rest of her dating tipsÂ for Parlouristas here. Do you have a story to tell or a question for Single Girl? You can reach her directly at SingleGirlNotes@gmail.com. Don’t be shy!
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