Most women have figured out how to “accentuate the positive” when it comes to their physical appearances. We know what men like to look at and we go to great lengths to show it to them: waxing, push-up bras, makeup, the list goes on. But what happens after you’ve attracted the attention of a guy with your sexy-but-not-slutty dress? Do you know how to “accentuate the positive” when it comes to actually interacting with him? Males and females aren’t just complementary in our anatomies, but in our sensibilities as well. Men desire feminine women as much as we desire masculine men. But femininity, in a man’s mind, goes a lot further than a flirty dress – it’s about sex appeal. I recently surveyed a group of men (late 20’s-mid 30’s, educated, employed) and their responses showed that you don’t have to be a super model to have sex appeal, but you do have to know how to work what you got.
(Sex) appeal to his senses: Men perceive women with the fullness of their senses. When a man looks at you, he sees beyond your clothes and your hairdo; he notices your body language. Guys zero in on everything from the way you smile and bite your lip to your posture and the angle of your crossed legs, so be conscious of your body and use it wisely. Upon approaching you, a man will take in your scent – you want him to be entranced by the aroma of your skin, breath, clothes, and hair. Don’t douse yourself with harsh perfumes, but remember that there’s no substitute for good hygiene and the fresh scent of clean. As you’re talking to a potential suitor, even the sound of your voice can help or hurt your cause. You may not have the sultry vocal cords of Demi Moore, but how you say things can more than compensate. Avoid crass language, cursing, and negative comments; instead, make eye contact and be amiable and upbeat yet tender when you speak. Touch is another important tool that can add to your sex appeal. Naturally, when a man touches your hand or arm, he hopes to find your skin soft and smooth. But the way you touch him is significant as well. You don’t want to be too touchy-feely, which would communicate desperation, but a lingering handshake or a gentle stroke of his forearm can turn your sexy up a couple of notches.
Be confident with a dash of vulnerability: Women who appear insecure will attract men who want to take advantage of their weaknesses and women who appear overly independent make men feel that they’re not needed. Most self-assured, good guys like women who are confident yet sweet and a bit vulnerable. Confidence communicates positivity and shows that you’re not needy; it will also allow you to carry on a stimulating conversation without being too nervous or awkward. But vulnerability engages a man’s need to fulfill the role of protector. While you’re displaying your confident nature, you’ll want to remember that men are drawn to women who can also let their guards down and reveal their softer sides. Women who put up an impenetrable wall of “I’m too fly,” “I don’t need a man,” “if I let you in you’ll hurt me,” or other baggage-related issues, will be left alone to tend to their bags.
Be interesting: For a man in pursuit, there’s no bigger letdown than finding a sexy woman who looks good and smells good, but has nothing interesting to say. Even if everything else is in place, if you bore him to tears, you can forget it. You don’t have to put on a one-woman show or talk him to death-just be an active participant in the conversation. Avoid one-word answers and throw a few questions his way. Talk about things that you may have in common, or your interesting pastimes. Also, try not to put your “issues” on “Front Street” during the initial conversation. He doesn’t need to know that you’ve been hurt a lot in the past, or that you’re being treated for post nasal drip, at least not before he has a chance to enjoy your redeeming qualities.
Don’t be overly FRIEND-ly: Sex appeal is what differentiates women who men want to date from those they just want to be friends with. Striking the proper balance between being fun and sexy is imperative. Women who interact jokingly with men tend to forgo the essential flirtatious touches for nudges or other playful gestures and their body language often exemplifies that of a “friend.” Everyone likes a sense of humor, but cracking too many jokes or talking loudly will make you seem compensatory or like you’re trying too hard. Guys consider it a bonus when a woman is interested in “guy stuff” like sports or action flicks, but be careful not to suggest that you’re one of the boys. No matter how cool you are or how much NFL trivia you know, if you don’t exude sexiness, you’ll just get stuck in the friend zone.
Now that the bait is set…next week, Part 2: how to make your guy fall for you hook, line, and sinker!
Take it from a married lady, the road to the altar is not paved in gold. Read the rest of her musings here.
Last 5 posts by Hitched Chick
- Check Yourself - November 30th, 2009
- Stop Asking Your Single Girls for Advice - July 27th, 2009
- Nobody's THAT Busy - July 13th, 2009
- Play in Your League - July 6th, 2009
- "Help Me Hitched Chick: Guy to Keep or Online Creep?" - June 22nd, 2009