“Help Me Hitched Chick: Guy to Keep or Online Creep?”

parlour_singletips

CYI0100252_VeerI like to think that my words of wisdom (I use that word lightly) are useful to all of the single ladies who read them. But I’m happy to know that some of my readers are also looking to me for advice about their unique dating dilemmas. Here’s an interesting question from one of your fellow single chicks—many of you will be able to relate—and my response to her. I’ve always wanted to write a “Dear Abby” column…

Dear Hitched Chick,
I’m dating a man I met online and I want your input. We went out a few times and he started saying he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Then he said we needed to slow things down because he felt we were moving too fast. I didn’t hear from him for a week or so and he told me it was because he had lost his phone, but he knows where I work so he could have called me there. Then he got in touch with me through the dating website and invited me to a movie. I saw him a few days ago and he voluntarily told me he had deleted his online profile because he’d found me. He asked if I had friends we could double date with and told me that I should bring extra clothes to leave at his house for when I spend the night.

The next day I decided to delete my profile too, but I wanted to check to see if he had actually deleted his. He had not
. In fact, he had blocked my username from seeing his profile. I know this as a fact because I had another username without a picture that I accessed his profile with. My friend, who has a profile on the same site, was able to view it as well. He’s out of town for business this week, yet he’s texted me almost every day that he’s been gone. In the beginning, I asked him if he wanted to have an open relationship and he said no, yet he’s obviously keeping his options open. What do you make of this?

Dear Single Chick,

Four words: RUN FOR THE HILLS! God only knows what’s really going on with this man, but I guarantee it’s nothin’ good. You should always question a guy who starts in with the “girlfriend” talk after only a few dates. It’s possible that the chemistry was just that great between the two of you, but it’s more likely that you said or did something to give him the impression that that’s what you wanted to hear. And the fact that he later retracted his statement further shows that he didn’t mean it (or else he’s just wishy-washy which is also not a good look). His being MIA for a week could mean that he has a girlfriend(s)—a wife even. Or it could mean that you’re just not a priority for him. Like you said, if he was interested in contacting you, he could have found a way. And it doesn’t sit well with me that after he told you he wanted to take things more slowly, he came back with the “I deleted my profile because I found you” business. I’m curious about how you reacted to his request to take things slowly, because it seems, again, like he was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear—though he did a poor job of covering his tracks. Furthermore, his invitation for you to leave clothes at his house raises a few questions in my mind.

If you’ve slept with this guy, or given him reason to think that you would if he played his cards right, that would explain all of his unsolicited cajoling. If you haven’t, then he’s just crazy. His words and actions simply don’t line up and he’s already lied to you once (that you can prove). I wonder if he’s even “out of town.” Does the texting everyday but not calling make you raise an eyebrow? Because I’m lookin’ like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson right now.

I’m sure this guy has some redeeming qualities and that you two have shared a few good times. But he’s got more “red flags” waving in the wind than a circus tent.

My advice is to keep it moving—no question.

When you find the right guy, you won’t have to wonder, worry, question, or doubt. Your Mr. Right is still out there…so keep looking.

With Love,

Hitched Chick

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  • MsProducer

    This is awesome advice. Often times, men will say whatever they think we may want to hear to get what they want out of us. It takes time to get to know someone to determine if they’re right for us. Clearly, this man wasn’t the one.