The other night I found myself transfixed on the latest reality dating show â€œDating in the Darkâ€ on ABC. Basically itâ€™s another way to point out how desperate people in America are to find love that they will subject themselves to a night vision camera, meals they canâ€™t see and swapping saliva with someone theyâ€™ve never laid eyes on. I wonâ€™t lie, I fell for the gimmick.
What caught me was the end of the show. Each couple, after several dates, finally gets to see each other. Watching each of their reactions to what the other person looked like was priceless. For the most part they each described their ideal mate and the person they dated looked nothing like that. Then of course, as only reality TV can set out to do, someone ends up humiliated. The women are sent outside to balconies, let to wait for their guy to either select them and walk through the door or ditch them and walk out the house.
TV ratings aside, I long wished that people placed more emphasis on personality and compatibility than looks. I often joke that I wish I could have an arranged marriage. Entrusting my mother and best friend, I would show up at a church, in a wedding dress and walk down the aisle to the man they picked for me.
After years of dating a couple things have become clear to me:
1) The First Impression Often Isnâ€™t the Best Impression
Countless times Iâ€™ve met a guy and either he or I thought nothing of it. We chatted, joked and went our separate ways. Only after several more run-ins did either one of us tilt our head to the side and think â€œHmm, maybe there is something hereâ€. Not everyone gets two or three chances to peak your interest, which is unfortunate. We base so much on the first meeting and fail to look deeper or give someone pass. Maybe your hair looks a hot mess cause the top on your convertible wouldnâ€™t close. Maybe you breathe stinks because you had garlic at lunch and burped it up right before you walking into the bar for after work drinks. There are a lot of unknowns when you first met someone.
2 ) Beautiful People Can Be Some of the Ugliest People
How many times have your dumb ass friends say to you in response to them fucking with an idiot â€œI know, but s/he is fine!â€
Beauty should not be a green light to be an idiot, ass, punk or crazy.
The next time you meet a beautiful person and they are lacking in the personality department you need to take part of the blame. Theyâ€™ve coasted their whole life, unchecked by society because their nose is shaped like button and their eyes are hazel (you know people are suckers for colored eyes. SMH!).
A lot of beautiful people are crazy, look at Hollywood. Come on, weâ€™ve all heard that Halle Berry is one sandwich short of a picnic. Mischa Barton just checked out of a psych ward and she is starring in the new show called â€œThe Beautiful Life.” Talk about irony.
Call their nutty asses out.
You may be cute but youâ€™re a social misfit. Thanks but no thanks!
[Here is where I would have embedded Princeâ€™s â€˜The Beautiful Onesâ€ but he snatches his songs off the internets faster than you can spell â€œpurpleâ€.]
3) You canâ€™t complain about being overlooked unless youâ€™ve done EVERYTHING in your power to be the most attractive person you can be.
This is a tough one to swallow.
Folks, you canâ€™t be mad at the world cause you keep getting hit on by the 5th option when you had you eyes on the no. 1 pick. You are attracting what you are giving. If you are 20lbs overweight and are determined to convince yourself that thick is sexy when you really are fat donâ€™t be surprised when you go to a party and you only get hit the homeless man out front.
You canâ€™t want the best you arenâ€™t presenting your best self.
Look in the mirror and write down all the things you want to improve about your body and outer appearance. Then, this is the hard partâ€¦actually change those things.
You will be amazed at how the world will respond to the new and improved you.
I know Iâ€™m not being realistic when I say more people should look past looks but itâ€™s nice to put it out there. Youâ€™d be surprised by all the things youâ€™d learn about a person when you focus on getting to know them instead of wondering what they taste like and how flexible they are.
…Says The Single Girl
Bravely read the rest of her dating tips for Parlouristas below. Do you have a story to tell or a question for Single Girl? You can reach her directly at SingleGirlNotes@gmail.com. Donâ€™t be shy!
Last 5 posts by The Single Girl
- ...Says The Single Girl - The Ex-Files - May 17th, 2010
- ...Says the Single Girl: "Love On a Five" - February 18th, 2010
- ...Says The Single Girl: Birth Control Blues - January 28th, 2010
- ...Says The Single Girl: The Wedding Invitation - January 21st, 2010
- ...Says The Single Girl: Recession Love, Let's Shack Up - January 14th, 2010