…Says The Single Girl: Married People Shouldn’t Give Dating Advice

People who are married kill me when they try to give dating advice.
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It’s like graduating high school ten years ago and coming back to your alma mater to tell the kids what it was like when you roamed those halls. All the teachers you had either died or retired. They renovated the classrooms. You’re favorite vending machine is gone.
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Once you are out of the game that’s it. Everything you knew has been morphed into what you did to get your current spouse. Married people think that whatever worked in their case will work for all the single people in the world. What they fail to understand is that their experience is uniquely different.
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There are more single people in the world than married. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce or murder. (I’ve added the latter. Been watching too much Dateline.) If you look at the numbers, married people are in the minority. Perhaps they should rally to be considered a real minority group right along with the blacks, gays and Hispanics.

If you’ve been victim to the “know-it-all-ness” of a happily wedded person take what they say with a grain of salt. Married people can’t give you great advice about dating because chances are they haven’t dated anyone other than their boo in years.

From the time they’ve been in the dating pool, men and women have come up with a new way to date or not date, a new way to have sex with no strings attached, a new way to cheat and not get caught, and a new way to give someone mixed signals.

Women who are married are the worst when it coming to getting off their high horse. Bitch, spare me. I know why I’m single and I also know that you think just because you have a ring on your finger you think you are enlightened and can address the masses like Pope Benedict. Just because you said “I Do” doesn’t give you the authority to tell me how to date. Dating is much easy to master then say getting married and more importantly staying married. If you are married you should only be preaching about how to stay married.

Marriage can only take part between two people who want to be married. Not a lot of people want to get married until they meet that person that truly impacts their life. Some people want to get married so badly but date all the wrong people. Some folks have wanted to get married since they were kids (OK, maybe just women). Others don’t feel the wedding bug until they are settled in their careers, have created a lovely life for themselves and see all their friends walking down aisle. Getting married boils down to meeting someone who is at the same point in life as you are or damn near close to it. It’s more a game of chance and luck than anything else.

I have a married friend, love him dearly, but his solution to every problem in my single life is “Just get married…”

SG: Man, I really want to go to the movies tonight.

Married Manny: If you were married you’d always have someone to go to the movies with.

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SG: What should I eat for dinner tonight?

MM: I don’t know but my wife is cooking skirt steak. Can’t wait. See if you were married you’d have someone to have dinner with every night.

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MM: Are you seeing anyone?

SG: Ahh, not really. This one guy is kinda cool.

MM: Show him that you are ready to get married and see what he’s about.

SG: What makes you think I’m ready to get married?

MM: You will be once you’re tired of being alone. Just get married.

The next time your married friend tries to beat you over the head with their dating tips turn to them and say, “I appreciate the fact that you made it to the promise land but on this here side of the hill I’m making due with what there is to offer. When I get to your side of the green pasture I’ll come calling for advice.”

…Says The Single Girl

Bravely read the rest of her dating tips for Parlouristas below. Do you have a story to tell or a question for Single Girl? You can reach her directly at SingleGirlNotes@gmail.com. Don’t be shy!

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Last 5 posts by The Single Girl

  • Sportie

    This made me laugh out loud. Not so much that they can’t help but the condescension in their voices can make one unnaturally angry. Like there must be something wrong with you for not being married and they need you to go into the same married box so they can have someone to gripe with. Ignore them, kind of like how they ignore you then come back w/ the same lame advice when you’re done talking.

  • Aileezee

    Brilliant. And not all married folk are the enemy. Unfortunately, we all have friends who morphed into smug jerks once they crossed “becoming Hitched Chick” off their list. But the ones that still have your back should be CHERISHED. If you have any married friends that will still listen to your dating stories, help you sort through the chaos, support your high expectations and don’t oversimplify the process by saying “oh, the right guy will come along,” count yourself lucky. Rare friends like that may actually be the best resource for dating advice.

  • Dom

    Lol I’d love to hear what “Tips from the Hitched Chick” has to say about this…

  • loved the post and i agree with dom. i would love to see the single girl vs. the married chick debate a few topics. can someone hook that up?

  • i think the issue is more of how SG and others ingest advice. Any advice, whether solicited or not, about anything should always be taken with a grain of salt. I for one, hate to receive…but LOVE to give advice, lol! The fact that in this arena, the subject is love & relationships, which is a personal matter for anyone, and one that inspires a range of emotion. One could argue the exact opposite – that single people should not give other single people advice. One could also argue that skinny people should not tell fat people what to wear (which happens everyday), etc. And what about those like Steely and myself, who aren’t single…but aren’t married? That is an entire gray area that gives me a daily headache! If the advice is good, take it and keep it moving, if it isn’t, let it roll like water and remind yourself never to ask that person again.

    Asha – that would be totally up to them and they know what to do to make it happen! Thanks!

  • Mojo

    i agree w/ Baker -take all advice w/ a grain of salt based on the source and their motives. often, i find hearing bad advice is good for me b/c it lets me know exactly what i don’t want to do.

  • I’m a married woman who agrees with you about the whole dating advice thing. I blogged about it a little while ago. In short, a wedding ring does not instantly endow women with special knowledge about how all men think or behave. LOL

    http://loveisdope.wordpress.com/2009/04/20/love-musings-the-myth-of-married-woman-and-steve-harvey-wisdom/