Recently in Parlour land, we had a…scandal…or rather a wtf? situation occur involving two women and a matter of the heart vs. some rules/principles that you just don’t break with your friends. Luckily I was a bystander but it taught me a lesson that can easily be summed up in a line from the movie The Italian Job: “I trust everyone, I just don’t trust the devil inside of them.” Basically, everyone has the capacity, and even the right to fuck up…its just how you do it that shows the type of person you really are.
Which leads me to this article that my girl Kay sent me today. John Tierney, who writes for the Science section of the NYTimes, has discovered some research that may help us understand why some single women area attracted to, and seek out attached men…no-no no. 1 in most female circles. While the aforementioned situation is not directly related to this research, I couldn’t help but think of it due to it’s relationship with the subject of motive. People do fucked up thingsâ€”yes. But why? When it comes to women who seek out married or involved men, the researchers walked away with this:
“According to a recent poll, most women who engage in mate poaching do not think the attached status of the target played a role in their poaching decision, but our study shows this belief to be false. Single women in this study were significantly more interested in the target when he was attached. This may be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been â€˜â€˜pre-screenedâ€ by another woman.”
Interesting, and when you think of it, it makes sense. We commonly ask our friends and communities for references for jobs, doctors, and restaurants. However,Â when it comes to our lovers, most of us operate on the principal that “someone else’s” or even “used to be someone else’s” is not coolâ€”no matter if they come with a good rating. What, if anything, justifies going after what isn’t exactly yours when it comes to relationships? I have always noticed that when a women goes after an attached man, she is commonly going after the happiness, or example that he is setting with his current mate. But once he is single, or decides to be with her, he is less desirable. The reality sets in and then the experience isn’t fun anymore. Maybe what is getting lost is that when we see a healthy relationship, what many of us fail to realize is the work that goes into a healthy union. The arguments, the compromise, and in my case, the willingness to wash dishes more (it was about to be a deal breaker), and most of us would rather not deal with it. Because most of us are not privy to witness those down periods, one can understand why a committed person would seem more attractive, so maybe if we all had cameras to see the rough times, we would think twice before we dive into the deep end.
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