There are few things I can actually say I hate in this world, but customer service representatives are one. My patience gets shorter than Bow Wow ducking behind a shoebox (#sorrybowwow) when Iâ€™m on the phone with these people, because nine times out of ten they canâ€™t help me with what Iâ€™m calling about in the first place.
Recently, I had a beef with my bank over a $10 overdraft transfer fee that was charged to me incorrectly. I called to get the fee waived and after five minutes going back and forth with the automated answering system, I finally got a real person on the line. I plead my case saying, due to the stipulations in my banking agreement, I should not have been charged. The customer service rep says to me, â€œWell we only charged you $10, not $35 which you could have been charged.â€
That gets my blood boiling.
â€œDid you not hear, what I said?â€ I say through clinched teeth. â€œ I am not supposed to be charged at all, I have FREE overdraft protection. So whether itâ€™s $10 or $35, itâ€™s still not FREE. Do you see my point?â€
Customer Service Rep: â€œYes, I see your point, but thatâ€™s the policy.â€
Me: â€œIâ€™m looking at my statement now, and reading your policy, it does not say that anywhere.â€
Iâ€™m lying, I havenâ€™t looked at my policy in years, but I hate to lose an argument.
CSR: â€œWell, it says it online, if you go to XBank.com you will see it on the website.â€
ME: â€œHow am I supposed to go online and look for something I donâ€™t even know exists? Who does that?!â€
CSR: â€œWell sir, itâ€™s there. I canâ€™t do anything further, that is our policy.â€
Me: â€œYour policy doesnâ€™t make any sense, youâ€™re telling me one thing to get me to sign with you guys, and now itâ€™s a totally different story. Donâ€™t you see my point?â€
CSR: â€œSir, thereâ€™s nothing more that I can do, Iâ€™m sorry.â€
Me: â€œHold up, before all of the â€˜I work for X Bank stuff, keep it real, that policy makes no sense, right?â€™â€
I donâ€™t know why I thought she would risk her job, on a monitored phone call, just for me, but fuck it. This argument is now about principal!
CSR: â€œIâ€™m sorry sir, I can not waive the fee. Is there anything else I can do to help?â€
Me: â€œWell, you havenâ€™t helped me yet. Youâ€™re hitting me with a bogus policy, which you know in your heart is wack, but canâ€™t admit itâ€¦.â€
CSR: â€œIâ€™m sorry sir.â€
Me: â€œLet me speak to your supervisor.â€
Now letâ€™s be clear, the supervisor request is always a reach. I personally donâ€™t even think you get to the â€œsupervisor,â€ I think the CSR just passes the phone over the cubicle wall to one of their co-workers, like â€œMichelle, I need you to play supervisor for a minute.â€
Iâ€™ll spare you the back and forth between me and the supervisor, because it pretty much mirrored the above, except her tone was a bit more impatient and self important, on some, â€œIâ€™m the â€˜supervisorâ€™ and I have no time to be on the phone going back and forth over a $10 bank fee, when I should be doing big things like SUPERvisinâ€™.â€ But this is where things get spicy.
Sheâ€™s basically said numerous times, itâ€™s a no-go, sheâ€™s going to stick with policy, and shut down my little $10 reprieve.
Me: â€œSo, â€˜noâ€™ you canâ€™t waive the fee?â€
SUPER: â€œNo sir, I cannot waive the fee for you. Is there anything else I can do for you?â€
Me: â€œIâ€™ve been banking with XBank for almost 10 years now, and you canâ€™t waive a $10 dollar fee?!â€
SUPER: â€œSorry sir, thatâ€™s the policy. Is there anything I can help you with?â€
Sheâ€™s getting tired of me at this point. The total time of this call is nearing 20 minutes.
Me: â€œYes. Let me speak to your supervisor.â€
Yeah, I went there. I want justice! However, sheâ€™s not having it.
SUPER: Well, Iâ€™m the supervisor here, and there is no one above me, so Iâ€™m sorry that is our final decision. I can give you the mailing address to write a letter, maybe that can help.â€
Oh word? Shorty thinks sheâ€™s funny, huh?
Me: â€œWrite a letter? Whatâ€™s that going to do?â€
SUPER: â€œWell, that is your only option at this point, do you want the address or not?â€
Me: â€œYeah, Iâ€™ll take the addressâ€¦FUCK YOU BITCH!â€
I hang up. Yes, I know I went out on some punk shit, but I was tight–they got me for my $10.
At about this point I realize I probably shouldnâ€™t have cursed out the supervisor at my banking institution and panic sets in. I donâ€™t feel too bad about my actions, but I am truly worried about my paper. I call my girlfriend and tell her the story, I omit the â€œbitchâ€ part because I was ashamed of that already, and didnâ€™t need to be judged at the moment.
The priority is still my $10, not disrespect. She says she doubts that anything will happen, but it wasnâ€™t the smartest move. I agree, and at the end of the conversation, I hang up and start my day.
I go outside, jump in the whip (â€™93 Corolla baby!) and start handling business. After making a few moves I realize, I have to stop at the ATM and get some paper. I pull up to the bank, and canâ€™t find a parking spot, so I decide to double-park real quick and run in and hit the ATM. When I get inside only one machine is working the other is being updated, so the line is diesel. Iâ€™m looking out the window every five seconds like Henry Hill in Goodfellas making sure there arenâ€™t any cops coming to hit me with a $115 ticket.
Finally, Iâ€™m next. The dude in front of me is taking way too long on the ATM, so I start to heckle him under my breath. â€œCâ€™mon fam, you making love or something? Letâ€™s go!â€
Eventually, heâ€™s done, and Iâ€™m not sure why this is but when the person before takes forever to use the ATM I always feel the need to go extra fast in handling my business, as if Iâ€™m giving a clinic on how to properly withdraw funds in a timely fashion. So I make this grand presentation of swiping my card, and punching in my PIN. I wait for a second for the next prompt, when I get a message that says, â€œPIN code error. Please try again.â€
Okay, maybe I was speeding, let me slow down, and be more careful. Again, I swipe and type, wait a second, and sure enough I get the same message. â€œPIN code error. Please try again.â€
I think to myself, â€œNahâ€¦this canâ€™t be a result of the earlier beef, could it?â€
Third timeâ€™s a charm here we go. Same message. â€œOh shit! She got me.â€ Iâ€™m starting to hear snickers and teeth sucking behind me, my neck is getting hot. I tuck my card into my wallet and walk out to the car, to find a parking spot real quick. Park the Corolla, and walk back to the bank. I ask to speak to a representative and tell them what the problem is, they tell me my PIN has been reset, and Iâ€™ll have to wait like 20 minutes for them to reset it.
Meanwhile, this was the Friday before Labor Day, had I not walked into the bank I would have been assed out for 3 days.
Take my story as a lesson. Try not to lose your cool with those people on the phone handling your accounts. They are people too, and they will get even.
Good one gully supervisor at X Bank, I tip my hat. You are as petty as I amâ€¦but I still havenâ€™t forgotten about my $10.