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Check Yourself

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Most women can rattle off the top five things they want in a man faster than they can state their names. We want a guy with confidence, ambition, the ability to provide for a family, openness, honesty, and a sense of humor. But men that are all of these things want some very specific things in a woman. We often complain that there aren’t any good men out there, but I hear as many men complaining that there aren’t any good women. You may think that because you’re smart, successful, and pretty, any good guy would be lucky to have you, but if it were that simple you wouldn’t be single. So, it comes down to this: would the kind of man you want want you? If you’re having trouble snagging a good guy, try looking at the (wo)man in the mirror. *We love you, Michael!*
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Demure is more:
You may think that dressing provocatively will help you snag a man, and it might, but not the kind that’s going to want to settle down. Your cut down-to-there tops and butt cheek-revealing miniskirts scream “I’m desperate for male attention!” and good men aren’t looking for desperate. Your clothing should make you appealing but cover the bits that a good guy knows he’ll only get to see if he earns it. Plus, no man wants to fight off all the sleaze bags who’d be drooling over your exposed boobies.

Party hardly: Good guys don’t spend every weekend in the streets and they won’t consider any woman who does relationship material. If you’re trying to catch a good guy, keep your clubbing and happy hour hopping to a minimum. A good guy won’t mind you going out for the occasional girls’ night, but he’ll want to know that you’re more focused on activities of substance—the sort that would make you a good mate, not queen of the club.

Don’t be a bag lady: Emotional baggage is a huge turn off for good guys. If old boyfriends or a bad relationship with your father have left you feeling that men can’t be trusted, that you can’t allow yourself to be vulnerable in a relationship, or that you need a man to feel complete, you’ve got some work to do. These kinds of issues will cause you to be paranoid, distant, or clingy—all deal-breakers for good guys. You may be able to coax yourself out of these habits with self-reflection or prayer, but if some good old fashioned therapy is in order, don’t be too proud to ask for a referral.

Wear the dress but roll up the sleeves: It’s cool for you to make the first move, but good guys want to be the man in the relationship. If you show him that his interest in you is reciprocated, your good guy will be happy to pursue you and earn your affections. Your job in this courting process is to give your guy a reason to keep coming around. In addition to being supportive, sweet, and an intriguing conversationalist, show your guy that you’re willing to do your part by cooking dinner for him, proof reading his presentation for work, or picking up the check every once in a while.

Make him wait: Tupac said it best, “I don’t want it if it’s that easy,” and he was just talking about a groupie. The fact is, being “easy” is not becoming of a woman. It gets the job done if that’s all you want, but a good guy doesn’t settle down with that girl. He marries the girl he feels is different, the one who shares that part of herself with him because he’s special. If you don’t make your guy wait, he’ll think he’s just one of many. And remember, if or when you do sleep with your good guy, don’t pull out all the stops right away. Every man knows only a “pro” would be comfortable enough to go all out the first time around.

Be medium maintenance: When you’re dating a man, he observes your lifestyle and asks himself if he can afford you—financially and otherwise. If you keep weekly hair and nail appointments and buy a new Marc Jacobs handbag every month, some men may think you’re out of their league. Depending on your guy’s financial situation, you might hint at a more modest gift for your birthday so he doesn’t feel obligated to max out his credit card. Let your guy know you don’t have to go to “Chez Pricey” for every dinner date—suggest picking up a couple of burritos and a DVD sometimes. And never turn down an outdoor date with your guy just to preserve your perm. Every guy wants a woman who looks good, but not when it gets in the way of the relationship.

You likely consider yourself a good woman, and you’re probably right. But if you want to land your ideal guy, make sure you can be his ideal gal.

With love,

Hitched Chick

Last 5 posts by Hitched Chick

  • GREAT write up! I passed it on (via twitter) to my followers!!

  • MsProducer

    I’ve missed your articles. Great job!