There is one particular person in my life who has been diagnosed bipolar. She and I have never gotten along and she made my childhood quite difficult. As a child, I took things she did very personal and therefore it kept me away from someone I cared very deeply for, she affected my relationship with someone else. I grew up thinking she was just crazy. It wasn’t until I was graduating from college that someone told me she was bipolar. I still had a hard time letting go of the feelings I had towards her. But in an attempt to rebuild my relationship with someone I tried to be understanding.

Well, all of that has since changed. She refuses to take her medication now and she’s back to the person I don’t like…the person I saw as a child. As an adult I feel like I should be able to be sympathetic, but she’s an adult too and she’s being irresponsible, so I’m back treating her like she’s just crazy.

This of course is my own experience and I don’t reccomend this approach. But this is how I have to deal with the situation in order to keep the relationship I worked so hard to repair. I have to ignore her…it’s the only thing that works for me.

BUT…in the future I will be more aware of others.

There is no shame in this, or the honesty of knowing it is around. But sweeping it under the rug keeps the shame alive and well.

Vicious cycles. Young people are naive on the whole. We are cruel in childhood, and we continue that to some extent as we get into young adulthood. Heck, many folks carry it with them their whole lives. So you’re up against generations of denial.

For me, my young adulthood changed when the nervous breakdown person – college roommate – was taken from the health center by the family without a word to any of us suite-mates. Then we had Thanksgiving vacation. I returned to my suite/dorm room to find half the place empty. I saw the striped mattress that had been covered in a floral comforter. The closet door was open, empty. They hadn’t even closed the dresser drawers. Pictures gone. No note. Nothing. When everyone else arrived, we were told by a Dean that not only was she not returning – the family asked that we not say anything [what did we know...] to anyone. Really? Half our friends knew something was off because we all found her in the middle of a dark field, snow falling, her screaming not to touch her… But we were told nothing. We were asked. We could say nothing.

How unfair. How cruel – and to boot, her mom was a dr.

First, are they ready to accept assistance? Do they understand they are ill? If not, then it doesn’t matter what you do/say – and you’ll have the added angst of being blamed, yelled at, or worse.

Second, are you ready? Do you know how to approach this in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way? Do you know how to discuss this with someone who may not be fully aware? Do you know enough to know this is likely BPD or similar? Are you ready to be attacked – and are you wise enough not to take anything personally – thus not react? Are you ready to accept that your ‘gift’ may not be accepted? And can you be ok with this?

Note also many BPD are combined with all sorts of addiction – sex, alcohol, drugs. Addiction can be a part of the BPD, or symptoms similar to, but not, BPD – are an effect of addiction and addictive behavior.

Are you prepared to research before stepping in?

And I ask again – are you prepared to not be heard? To not become defensive, heated, agitated. Can you accept the result, no matter what that is?

Having had people close to me have nervous breakdowns before my eyes, being with addictive/BPD partner, and having schizophrenia within the family – this is not something to take lightly, ever.

IMO, of course. There is no magic wave of a wand that can fix this/these disease(s).