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The Older Woman Asks – Anyone Got Sperm Handy?

Now… when I talk about older women, I’m referring to those in their 30s. Perhaps newly single after a long relationship, looking for love, but mainly just trying to find a man to get knocked up.
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Don’t hate me for saying it.
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I’m about to join the 30s club, so I’m allowed to admit this. Dunno how it works elsewhere in the world – but when you reach your 30s, the media and culture around you in the UK insists that you need to up the search for a man with which to copulate. And if you haven’t, well then you must be a lesbian, uptight, or frigid (I’m a TV presenter here and I actually had a viewer once email me those exact words when he found out I was single).
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But, you know what… I’m not bothered. When it happens, it happens. I’m certainly not trawling the clubs and bars of London looking for my babydaddy. I do however have so many friends in the 30s range who are.

To the point where they are willing to be with a obviously unsuitable man, for the sake of the possibility that maybe he could perhaps knock her up one day. I can’t tell you the number of conversations I’ve had with girlfriends about this exact subject. The number of times I’ve yelled down the phone at their obvious baby blindness. Or cussed them out on email, in the hope that in print they’ll finally understand WTF is going on.

And the evolution and popularity of dating sites has simply made it worse! So many girlfriends are logging on to the likes of match.com and eharmony.co.uk in hopes of finding a guy. And because they’ve emailed back and forth a couple times, my girlfriends seem to feel that they know the guy so well that their legs open because they’ve found their love-for-life.

God give me strength.

But you gotta give the guys their dues. Like moths to a flame, they know there’s no easier way to get some ass than from a 30-something chick online, desperate for a bun in the oven. Age definitely doesn’t make you wiser, especially when it comes to sex. I recently had to cuss out a friend of mine who does online dating, and somehow managed to fall on an unprotected penis by date two — but said “it was fine,” because the guy said his withdrawal methods were “fullproof.”

I practically dragged her by her hair to the pharmacy for the morning-after pill and an STD test.

So as I close the door on my 20s, I really hope that I don’t wake up on my 30th birthday and start scrapping the barrel for sperm to impregnate me. Although those that really know me, know that’s just not gonna happen.

I hope.

(Fingers crossed)

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