Black In Berlin: Dating, A Field Guide


Don’t let the pretty streets of Berlin fool you ladies…

Last summer, a man I was seeing invited me out for a concert. Having already lived in Germany for a year, I was familiar with the German custom of splitting the cost of even the smallest purchases. It was still early in our courtship so I sake my date how much I owed him for the ticket. He dismissed my offer and just advised me to not be late. We met at the box office and I was informed that we would be taking the back entrance. We passed a few dumpsters and came to a metal door that didn’t have a handle on the outside. My date knocked in some intricate sequence, the door suddenly opened and I was immediately engulfed in marijuana smoke. The gatekeeper lead us through a huge room with audio visual equipment, down a ladder, and then we had to crawl on our hands and knees under what I could only assume at the time was the stage. I was in my work clothes and date shoes, I was not prepared for an obstacle course. I just prayed I wouldn’t be either electrocuted or arrested for trespassing. When we emerged from the darkness we were on the side of the main stage, our guide pointed to two seats that were empty and we inconspicuously made our way to them. Even though I was dirty, covered in sweat and most probably victim of a contact high, I couldn’t help but reflect on the situation. I was on a date with one of Berlin’s most notorious species, the perpetual student.

Below is a very cynical and unfair summary of the men have I come in contact with during my dating adventures in Berlin:

The Perpetual Student: Mid-thirties student who has managed to stretch out his university education to over ten years and is in no rush to seek gainful employment. This creature still receives financial assistance from mum and dad. His mission in life is to avoid responsibility at all cost, he spends his free time plotting on ways to defer adulthood. Your social activities will be limited to locations and times where he can get the “hook-up”.

The Struggling Artist: Ageless, not because he is a vampire but because the amount of drugs and alcohol he has ingested in his lifetime has halted his aging process. He is sexually “adventurous” and doesn’t believe in labels, so that pretty much means he is a freak. His natural habitat is the local cafe where he discusses his next projects ad nauseam.  As an artist he appreciate the finer things in life, be prepared to sit impatiently while he pays for his half of dinner in loose change.

The Freelancing Gigalo: Late-thirties and the name is pretty self-explanatory. If he refuses to commit to a job, he surely won’t commit to you. He is handsome, intelligent, and always smells nice which makes him popular with the ladies. You will hear from him once every two weeks or when your number in his rotation comes up. He will rarely refer to you by your actual name for fear of getting it wrong. The caliber of your dates will depend on whether or not he has been paid for his last gig.

The Temporary Resident: Mid-twenties to mid-thirties. This specimen is not of German origin, only here to visit Berlin because he heard it was a rocking time. He might live in a squat, commune, or on a buddy’s couch. The sponsor for his trip may be his parents or a bit of savings he might have from the job he quit before arriving. Meals together will primary consist of granola and tap water, because his travel budget is spent on beer. He will attempt coitus with you as soon as possible because he can’t remember the last time he’s slept in proper bed.

The Serial Monogamist: Late-twenties, recently out of a long term relationship. You will most likely meet him through a mutual acquaintance who wants to get him out of his heartbreak hibernation. He is lonely and is unable to adapt to being single again therefore he is on the hunt for a replacement partner. Luck would have it, he meets you. He talks about your future together very soon and after a week of seeing each other you will be fully integrated into each other lives. Meals are cooked together at his place or yours and within 3 months he suggest you move in together.

Get to know our newest international Parlourista Nicole a little better over at NicoleisTheNewBlack!

  • Stefanie

    LOL, so true!