‘True Blood’ Recap!: Me And The Devil

Hi guys! I’ve been away for two weeks so I’ve just caught up with “True Blood” episodes 39 “If You Love Me, Then Why Am I Dying?,” 40 “I’m Alive and On Fire,” and last night’s 41 “Me And The Devil.” Looks like I missed a lot. Are you ready for my condensed recap of the last three episodes? Of course you are!

You Have a Light Inside You

Sookie finally makes out with Eric. That only took four seasons. However, it’s only after Toni, er, Tara cries on Sookie’s shoulder about being exposed to her girlfriend back in N’awlins and living on Eric’s bad side. Of course Eric wakes up during that conversation and Tara runs out of the house. Meanwhile, Pam tries to get the witch Marni to reverse the memory-erasing spell on Eric and ends up with half of her face rotting off like an old plum. Ew. Why?

Because Marni conjured up the spirit of Antonia, a Spanish witch, and asked to be her conduit, which she is, except now she can’t control it. In an effort to reverse Marni’s crazy spells, which Marni herself can’t recall, La-La and Jesus go to Mexico to visit Jesus’ grandfather the powerful brujo. This probably won’t end well.

If you love him then tell him the truth, period

Bill advises Jessica that she should tell Hoyt she feed on another man, so she comes clean but ends up glamouring Hoyt because she can’t take him being angry with her. Meanwhile, Bill goes to Sookie’s house to look for Eric as a last resort after canvasing all of Bon Temps. Sookie implores Bill not to search her house by playing on his guilt from their relationship and he leaves. Then Pam spills the beans on Eric’s hidey-hole in Sookie’s basement and Bill vamp-runs out of his plantation, presumably to get Eric.

I don’t know why you’re crying, you’re not the one being raped

Jason is … *takes a deep breath* kidnapped by his werepanther boo Crystal with the help of her HotShot brother-sister-cousins and Felton. The group take turns biting Stackhouse while he’s tied to a bed until he’s ready to be turned into a werepanther himself. Later, Crystal, adorned with bobbi pin-pin curls all over her head, gives Jason Mexican viagra and the HotShot crew force him to have sex with about a dozen sister-cousins so he can “propagate the race” as their new Ghost Daddy. Ghost Daddy is werepanther for pack leader, if we’re speaking in werewolf terms, and it’s his duty to protect and impregnate the entire community. Jason convinces one girl to let him go so he can return to Bon Temps and kills Felton on the way home, then he passes out on the highway. Hoyt and Jessica pick Jason up and Jess gives him her blood to heal … which leads to dreams of her riding him like a maniac until the image of Jessica turns into Hoyt … on top of Jason. Weird.

Elsewhere, Alcide, who’s moved to Shreveport for a construction job, is harrased by the local packmaster¬†Marcus Bozeman but declines to be part of his pack. Alcide’s also living with Debbie Pelt, his former ex who was addicted to V but is clean now thanks to 12 steps. I smell problems …

Baby Not Yours

Arlene isn’t crazy. Baby Mikey’s does have his dad Renee’s ghost trailing him and it’s plain when Terry puts the baby down and returns to find “Baby Not Yours” scrawled on the wall in red pen and the baby gumming the weapon. Terry brings in Tara’s mom, Lettie Mae, and her new husband the pastor to spiritually cleanse the house with hymns and sage. Arlene struggles to repress her racist thoughts and the Christian clean-up looks like it worked until a matchbook lights up on it’s own.

My Ex is a werewolf and he’s jealous

Luna just gets more complicated as this season progresses. First she’s a skin walker (the Navajo term for shifters who can become any animal or human being they like), now she’s a single mother of a daughter and her ex is jealous werewolf? Don’t do it Sam! But we know he will. Her explanation of skinwalkers comes up again when Tommy accidentally kills his parents, Joe Lee and his mother, after they try to kidnap him. He and Sam dispose of the bodies in a swamp and attract alligators to eat the remains with marshmallows. So is Tommy a skinwalker now?

Your turn! Thoughts from the ladies (and gents) who love us?

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