‘True Blood’ Recap!: Spellbound

We finally found out who the creole lady was — besides an extra from The Help … — among other things. Anybody else want to slap Sookie for Tara when the besties faced off as soldiers for vampire King Bill and witch Antonia, respectively? And, who knew Hoyt had it in him? Anyway, there’s a lot of ground to cover, let’s get into it!

You were spellbound: The Vamps and Witches

Baby vamp Jessica is saved from daylight by Jason, only problem is now they desperately want to sleep together. After Antonia’s night of spells, Jess realizes Jason is her savior and she kisses him, then apologizes immediately. But not before Jason kisses her back #trouble. She imagines what’d it’d be like to break up with Hoyt, and Hoyt begs her to stay and she really ends it by crushing his skull and running to boink Jason, who’s waiting outside. In reality, she returns after the Antonia night and Hoyt doesn’t ask ‘Where have you been?’ or ‘Are you OK?’ When Jessica breaks up with him he goes on a tear about deserving better than her — including someone who’s not a virgin everytime they bone — but the kicker comes when Hoyt says “I deserve someone who is not going to look at all the love that I have and say ‘Sorry.’ ” Ouch. Oh, then Jess gets her invitation rescinded from Hoyt and Jason too, when she tries to be with him. Naturally Jason exercises the awkwardness away with push-ups.

At Gran’s house, Sookie and Eric boink viciously after he survives Antonia’s spell and he convinces her to drink his blood. She does and it starts snowing while they’re having sex in a bed in a forest … because they’re high. Their love scenes are boring, dude. Sookie then decides to join the vamp army to fight Antonia because Eric’s peen is so great.

Elsewhere, Bill tries to think of how to get Antonia back and offers that they meet in the cemetary near his house alone. When they show, Bill’s flanked by Sookie, Eric and others and Antonia’s touting Tara and the rest of her circle. The peace talk goes nowhere and everyone starts fighting. Pam tries to kill Tara again and Bill stops her, telling Tara “You know why.” I can only assume it’s because Bill let Tara continue to be raped and imprisoned by crazy Franklin last season. On the other side of the headstone, Eric tries to kill Antonia but I’m pretty sure he ends up as her mental slave while Sookie suffers a bullet wound.

Those dead fuckers are hardcore: The Weres and Shifters

Debbie and Alcide are having a good time in the new pack headed by Marcus Bozeman. Debbie’s even found “some really nice bitches.” She’s so happy that she asks Alcide to stay away from Sookie and follow Marcus’s orders to stay out of the vamp-witch war. Alcide agrees … but ends up saving Sookie after she’s shot in the woods during the big fight.

Debbie sees him and I’m sure it’s closing time next episode for Sookie because of it.

Over at Luna’s house, I knew her daughter Emma belonged to Marcus! Sam heads over to Luna’s to apologize after kicking out Tommy for boning her while shifting as Sam and neglecting to mention it. While the Merlotte’s owner is playing barbies with Emma, Marcus comes over to tuck his daughter in and tells Sam he’s “pissed on the wrong pooch.” Yeah, I thought that line was too corny for Marcus too …

Tommy shifts as Mrs. Fortenberry and sells her land to The Man for a few thousand dollars, then goes and throws up in the woods.

Fuck that: Lafayette

The creole black lady is still hanging around Baby Mikey and Lafayette can still see her. One night, she embodies Lafayette after sharing that her white boyfriend killed their bi-racial baby because he was married to someone else and ashamed. As a result, creole black lady is trying to steal Mikey and uses LaLa’s body to slip into Arlene and Terry’s room and nab the baby.

A few questions: 

Where was Jesus this episode? And why aren’t he and LaLa a part of Antonia’s prayer circle?

What is LaLa going to do when he gets arrested for kidnapping Baby Mikey?

What’s Ms. Fortenberry going to do when she comes home and her house/ land isn’t hers anymore?

Your turn! Thoughts from the ladies (and gents) who love us?

Last 5 posts by Hillary Crosley

  • I am officially over the love fest but why did Eric go nuts and yank out that chick’s heart? esophagus? man who knows what is going on with his culkin long lost brother looking self. the show is going down hill for me. i might tap out.
    i wouldnt be mad if tara died, i mean, we get it. you hate vampires.

  • LOL at “we get it.” Yeah, like I said, this season is going to be over the top ridiculous … that’s how Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball roll. Eric’s a vamp so he rips up humans I suppose, however I was really hoping that he and Sookie’s sex scenes would at least be more interesting. Really? Snowflakes? #snooze Still, I enjoy Marni-cum-Antonia, she just wants to kill everyone. 

  • KACIEJPC

    I keep watchin this ish and sayin, “… In this books it didn’t happen like this!” which to me j’s shocking because basically none of the seasons have been like the books in entirety. I think this is a testament to how I feel they have really gotten away from the books and I don’t appreciate it at all!
    1. I hate Debbie and can’t wait for her to die
    2. Bill is kinda a perfect politician because he knows how to do the bait and switch
    3. I was looking forward to Jason being a werepanther
    4. I was mad at Hoyt, but I understand why he went with the low blows. Jessica is outta pocket. She basically let him turn his life upside down then came to the realization that she isn’t meant for a monogamous relationship? Which there is irony in being that she is kinda still a virgin =(
    5. I was lookin forward to Sook’s relationship with her fairy godmom
    6. Good question, where is Jesus
    7. I am kinda tired of Tara too

    The list could go on and on… Mr. Ball, please get your life together!!! I an still waitin for this season to get really good…
    Upside, Eric’s rear is kinda prodigious … Been getting a lot of that this season #SCORE

  •  I would enjoy Marni-Anotonia if she didnt look so much like Aunt Petunia. I am mean it’s ironic, in the Potter books Petunia wanted nothing more than to go to Hogwarts, even sending Dumbledore a letter and got rejected (they left this out of the movies) Now to see the same actress as a witch in those clothes (what is that, VELVET?) the nerd in me cries. Aunt Petunia is not a convincing witch, especially with the added amount of sass and accent. Yes I know I have issues, and I am working on them 🙂