F’ Your Fertility Threats, I’ll Get Pregnant When I Want

Lala's Full Court Life | VH1
Lala's Full Court Life | VH1
Lala’s Full Court Life | VH1

Is it just me or are a lot of prime time television shows airing episodes where a female character is struck deaf and dumb by the loud ticking of her biological clock? Has this always been a go-to plot contrivance or am I’m just noticing it now because I’m 31 and at least one of my peers is posting a birth announcement to Facebook every other month?  The mass influx of baby shower invites aside, I find it rather offensive that TV shows are slamming this narrative down our throats. While there are real and significant concerns about fertility as we age, I see the media playing a role in the hysteria, desperation, and ultimate “settling” that a number of women engage in whether intentional or not. Think about it, what sparked the last conversation or serious thought you had about fertility, your Ob-gyn or the hens on Basketball Wives?

Biological clock episodes are everywhere, it seems. Last summer on Lala’s Full Court Life, Lala Anthony struggled to reconcile her desire to focus on a career that’s gaining steam with her desire (and perceived duty) to have a second child. On Chrissy and Mr. Jones, Chrissy, who is 41 years old, reveals her reservations about parenting with a partner as laissez-faire as Jim. When she considers freezing her eggs so that she’ll have more time to decide, she gets the gas face from Mama Jones, Jim, and her girls. Even the comedy New Girl starring hipster fairy child Zooey Deschanel showed her character Jess losing her shit because her gynecologist friend told her that by the time a woman turns 30, 90% of her eggs will be gone. GONE!

I bet you can think of some shows you saw this year with similar story lines but you can just as easily turn to real life for examples too. Maybe you’re one of the many women out there who is truly concerned about how many good eggs she has left and how much more risk she might expose herself and her future child to the longer she waits. I’m not here to fault you for that because, without a doubt, the facts are on your side:

  • According to a report published in the scientific journal Human Reproduction, fertility gradually falls around age 27 before dropping more dramatically after age 35. Findings suggest that older would-be moms may have to wait longer before becoming pregnant.  There’s a decrease in the probability of becoming pregnant per menstrual cycle, not in the probability of eventually achieving a pregnancy at all. Shorter version:  It might take women in their late 20s or early 30s a month or two longer to become pregnant compared to their early 20s.
  • Women in their mid-30s who want to have children may need to start paying attention to their ovulation cycles for the first time. You can’t just “end up pregnant” like so many of our gal pals did in high school (no shade). The older we get, the more getting pregnant requires planning and time – not such a bad thing, in my opinion.
  • http://twitter.com/Ice_Jones Ice Jones

    i had a big freak out at 31 when i found myself freshly dumped. cried endlessly about never fulfilling my one true dream in life until i realized that 1)i had time and 2) i don’t e’en much think i want them at all anymore. i just wanted them because that’s what i was supposed to be doing w/ my life. now, i’m seriously looking forward to being the fly aunt who swoops in and gives great gifts and gets to go home to a quiet house.

  • DontBelieveTheHype

    This is a crazy story. I mean, I get it – women are far more progressive, independent, ambitious, empowered, professional, etc. in the 21st century – but don’t get confused. It’s biologically going against the grain of nature to bear children even in your later 30s. So this article’s ego of taking on nature is setting women up to lose. At least those women who want to have children, anyway. Freezing eggs? C’mon, now. Black women are freezing eggs now? Black women are literally the original queens of this planet, and this article is the consensus thinking among many of you? I don’t believe it is. I hope it’s not. Because the bottom line is, you’ve got all the eggs you’re ever gonna get. And they’re getting older, not fresher. So don’t try to challenge nature, or try to conveniently skewer the facts. That’s a lose-lose.

  • GangStarrGirl

    Judging from your condescending response, I’m going to assume you’re a man who wanted to “kick knowledge” in a woman’s forum. This article is the writer’s opinion, and yes a lot of women (not just black but in general) do share this opinion. She’s talking primarily about fear mongering and womb-clocking that sends women into an unhealthy panic and obsession in some cases, and your comment confirms that more posts like this are needed. She does acknowledge that chances of having a baby get less as women age. We are all aware of this but also know that it isn’t impossible. There are women getting pregnant not even on purpose in their 40s. There are women who were told by doctors that they’d never conceive, who end up getting pregnant. Again, we know that after 35 it gets harder biologically but women are always being fed different information. The writer also points out that there are other ways to become a mom so yes, freezing eggs is a viable option, so is adoption. I didn’t see any ego involved at all, just real talk.

  • DontBelieveTheHype

    Well said, GangStarrGirl. I didn’t mean to sound condescending so please forgive me. I was just saying I think women should, in fact, be very concerned about their biological clocks because it’s a very real thing. Why would women press their biological limits – which will only complicate matters later when they want to conceive – or seek unnatural routes? And sure, women are getting pregnant in their 40s, and some who are told they can’t conceive later do, but those are exceptions rather than the rule. Waiting to have children for as long as you can is an option women have, of course, but why would a woman fight it? For career, or goals, or entrepreneurship, or travel? And is it worth it in the end if you ultimately have to result to freezing your eggs or some other medical intervention? C’mon now. Forget the “messages” coming out. Women know better than to be waiting until they’re 40 to conceive their first child, if they can help it.

  • http://nakiahansen.com Nakia H.

    Hi. Author of the post here. I think I clearly point out that biological concerns regarding fertility are in fact real and important. However, Like GangStarrGirl rightly points out, there’s a problem with the way sensationalism and fear push women into freaking out about things that a little planning and careful consideration would solve. It’s not either or… a lot of women who consider themselves progressive want to have children within a traditional family unit. But they also want other things that may require a little jiggering of the timeline. I’m sure you once said something like “By the time I’m 30 I want to have___.” But once you approached that age it became clear that your timeline needed adjusting without equating such adjustment with failure. When it comes to women’s biological clocks, society will have us out here thinking that we’re doing it ALL wrong if we get off schedule. Well I say that we get to make our own timelines for the healthiest, happiest, and most secure families we deserve. Rushing to settle with a man who isn’t right or at a time that doesn’t allow you offer the life your child deserves just to beat the clock serves no one. I’m sure you’d agree with that.

    Furthermore, I never said that you should freeze your eggs but hey, it’s an option that we have these days and we must examine the reality that women are considering it. We use a lot of medical interventions as you call them to prolong life, prevent disease, and yes… improve fertility. But I doubt many would find fault with respirators and antibiotics so can a sista live?

  • Ack

    I agree that no one should rush a woman into motherhood. However, I think we forget nature often does not make mistakes! There is a reason why you fertility drosps significantly after 30! Im all for seeing women advance within the workplace and fulfill their dreams. I think rather than appoching motherhood like a thesis, allow your NATURAL instincts guide you.

  • Richard Yvonne

    I was married for the pass 10years now looking for a baby I try everything possible to have a baby all was impossible until I met the herbalist Dr. Ikhine who help me with herbal drugs that make me pregnant after one month and now my baby is 1year old and am so happy for what Dr. Ikhine has done for me contact him on agbadado@gmail.com and all your problems will be solved

    Carmen
    From
    Canada

  • Betty Amati

    Betty Amati

    bless you every woman out there i am a woman like you who desperately was in need of a baby and i went many place until i meet a man who i meet on the internet and i decided to contact him and now i am now a bless mother of two children and i want you to contact him via email priestokha@gmail.com.

  • Tracynaddi

    I HAVE FOUND A SPELL CASTER WHO HELPED ME WITH A FERTILITY SPELL AND HELPED ME HAVE MY OWN BABY. IT ALL HAPPENED WHEN MY HUSBAND SENT ME PACKING FOR NOT ABLE TO GIVE HIM A BABY AFTER 7YEARS OF OUR MARRIAGE.I ATE DIFFERENT PILLS AND NOTHING HAPPENED UNTIL A FRIEND INTRODUCED DR BABA TO ME WHO ALSO HELP HIM GET A CHILD. HE CAST A SPELL FOR ME AND I GOT PREGNANT FEW WEEKS LATER, IF YOU NEED HIS ASSISTANCE, HIS EMAIL IS extremesolutiontemple@hotmail.com OR HIS PHONE NUMBER +2347069299796

  • NELSON PAMELA

    Hello everybody, My name is Nelson Pamela, Am from
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    . “The ability to have a baby is one of the most
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    Thanks.

  • lisa jerry

    Hello I am Lisa Jerry ,I am out here to spread
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  • lisa jerry

    ….Hello I am Lisa Jerry ,I am out here to spread
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  • Anderson Ann

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  • Lidia Mckinney

    Hello i want to share my testimony on how i married for the pass 12yrs without even conceiving a baby and i have done all the medical check up and the doctors said am okay yet i was still unable to conceive until one faith days i was on the internet doing some research and i saw a testimony share by someone on how a man call Dr. Ogbefun help her to get conceive a baby after casting a pregnancy for her and i have no option than to also contact this man on this same email which is miracletemple11@gmail.com and to my greatest surprise after he has cast the spell for me and he told me told have sex with my husband and i did as he instructed me and to God be the glory at the end of the month i miss my period and i want for hospital for check up again and the doctor said and two weeks pregnant and i was so surprise and all this all came through with the help of Dr Ogbefun once again contact him miracletemple11@gmail.com or call him on +2347060552255 for your help because he just save my marriage and i know many of you are out there with the same problem don’t hesitate to contact him now

  • Lidia Mckinney

    I was unable to give birth to a baby of my own for the pass 8years until now and i was so devastated by it even when my husband try to make me happy but the happiness is not there and i tried so many ways but no result until one day i just wanted to carry out research on the net and i hardly do this because of my situation when i saw a testimony on the internet how Dr. Ogbefun help a lady got pregnant and i also contact him on this same email address miracletemple11@gmail.com and i also call him on the same number +2347060552255 and explain everything to him and he ask me for details of my husband and i and i quickly give it to him and to my greatest surprise after a month of casting the pregnancy spell for me i got pregnant and today am having a baby of my own and if you are out there with such situation quickly contact him for help and have your own baby now

  • Ronaldo Spelltemple

    I was barren for 11years after marriage and my husband was getting out of patient….he was planning to get another wife…I was getting tired of life…have tried so many means just to get a baby for him but to no avail….I even tried several spell caster but no good result came out….until I ment a testimony like this on the net about how dr Ronaldo broke the york of barrenness from a fellow woman’s life… So i contacted dr Ronaldo through his email and told him the pains I was going through and he told me to worry no more that my testimony will come in nine months time… He told me what to do and after doing all his wishes, I truly got pregnant… The sweetest part of it all now is that am carrying my baby boy now with joy and peace….big thanks to dr Ronaldo…. You can also contact him at…Ronaldospelltemple@gmail.com or better still call him on….+2348110038610… All your problems will be solve….

  • Fidela Conner

    My name is Fidela Conner from USA my partner and I have
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  • Camille Valdez

    My name is Camille bruno Valdez my partner and I
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  • Jude

    WOW!! Thats all i can really say! Mama Alisha Lura cast a fertility spell for me a few months back and i ask her to recast it a couple of months ago, well today i found out that i am pregnant i am so sucked, could be happier, Mama Lura could you please cast the protection spell for my little blessing now so that he/she is protected 100% to anyone who is reading this, Mama Alisha Lura, she is so very supportive and has helped not only me but so many others, i cannot express how wonderful a person she is and i believed without her fertility spell i would have never gotten pregnant, her positivity and her serenity make the ttc journey a lot less harder when you know that someone like Mama Alisha Lura is helping. Again i am so very grateful to you, Mama Alisha Alura, this baby is truly a blessing. i will be waiting in anticipation for the protraction spell to be cast so that i know my baby will be protracted and healthy while he?she is growing inside me as well as when he/she is born. Thank you again Mama Alisha Lura you are truly the best. You can contact her to for help on getyourexbacksolutionspell@gmail.com or visit her website on http://weeblyalishaluraspell.weebly.com/available-spells.html

  • Wright Eva

    I am Wright Eva from USA, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant
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    The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don’t know where
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    Dr.Ken on his email (supersolutionhome@gmail.com)
    after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i
    should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world,
    And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my
    doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so
    happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back
    please contact his email address: supersolutionhome@gmail.com or through His web address http://supersolutionhome.webs.com His private number is +2348074433380.

    YOU CAN ALSO READ MY TESTIMONY ON MY BLOGGER LINK http://wrighteva05.blogspot.com

  • Alex Becky

    GREAT DR. TAJU THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP.
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    You can also read my testimony on my blogger site: http://alexbecky11.blogspot.com

  • Lisa more

    “Dear Mama Alisha Lura, my doctor had told you to forget about having a child at my age and that I should have considered adopting a baby, but instead I took matters into my own hands and researched and found your book. I have soon found it to be a treasure that I could refer to repeatedly. The clear cut logical yet compassionate approach that tackles infertility from a totally different perspective had captivated me. I have followed your 5 step recommendations and after less than 3 months of trying, I finally succeeded in my long and painful battle. I am going to have a child. I have no words to express my gratitude. Thank you!”

  • mr michael

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    so
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    change your whole life…
    michaelibhalugholor@gmail.com
    Hello friends, My name is livinus James. I’m
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  • lizzy benjamin

    Hello I am lizzy , am out here to
    spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back.I was
    going crazy when my husband left me and my two kids for another woman last
    month, But when i met a friend that introduced me to DR Agbalagba the great
    messenger to the oracle of DR Agbalagba healing home,I narrated my problem to
    DR Agbalagba about how my ex Husband left me and my two kids and also how i
    needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come
    to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side
    effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,24 hours later,My Ex
    Husband called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me and the kids
    before now and one week after my Husband called me to be pleading for
    forgiveness,I was called for interview in a very big company here in IRELAND
    were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed
    that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR Agbalagba on his
    personal email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big
    for him to solve..Contact him direct on: agbalagbatemple@yahoo.com and your
    problem will be solve.,…..

  • Julian Seal

    Almighty Supreme with my husband,i gave birth to a Baby Girl.

    My Name is Julian Seal am from USA,I want to testify of what a spell caster
    did for me and my hubby.we have been married since 2011 without a sign
    of pregnancy or conceiving.I went off birth control then and did not
    have a period.my gyro gave me progesterone to jump-start a period and it
    did.,but i did not have another one.we did another round of
    progesterone followed by 100mg clomid for 5 months,we followed all
    doctors instructions but all to no avail.I have been buying ovulation
    kits pregnancy test AND i finally got 3 test when i was ovulating! So
    ever since that we been trying for years now! Well i was very confused
    because i keep taking test AND they all keep turning out to b negative! I
    really want a baby girl while my hubby want a baby boy LOLL!. I think
    maybe we are just trying to hard, What i can tell you is that its been
    so many years now and i still yet do not have my period??nobody to help
    because every body around us was already at the verge of losing their
    faith on us.no
    were to run to until one faithful day i was reading a magazine and i
    stumble on a page were i found topic or a head line {A SPELL CASTER} who
    can heal someone from HIV AND AIDS,bring back your EX,enlarge your
    breast,help you win a VISA LOTTERY,losing your WEIGHT and also give you
    the fruit of the womb,I gave him a try and before i could no it Almighty
    Supreme rescue me from my problem by casting a spell for me and told me
    to go and make love with my hubby,then nine months after the spell and making love with my husband i delivered a Baby GIRL who is now 1 year old at first i shed tears for joy.This spell caster name is Almighty Supreme so many people have witness his wonderful work..He is nice, contact him on email:Almightysupreme1@gmail.com if you are in any predicament Thanks so very much!!

  • julei lucas

    Thanks once again the great Dr Zaza I am norah lewis I want to
    share my testimony to every one here about what this great man did for
    me I was married for more than six years no child with this, my
    heart has been trouble so I don’t know what to do. And I have gone
    from one place to another still I did not found the solution of my
    problem on till one day in my office when a friend of mine came for a
    visit so I have been hiding this for every body not to share this
    problem to any one so when I see the situation on ground now my
    husband is about getting another woman, I try my best to share this
    with a friend so she advise me to contact this great man for a spell
    cast so I was not my self of telling her my problem so I ask her what
    we it take me? She said it we not take much time just three days it we
    be done then I look up and down were we I start from now? She insist
    for me to try him then I ask her for his contact she gave me his number
    and his email address his number +2348103508204 and here is the Email
    drzazaspelltemple100@hotmail.com so I called him first before I email
    him to know if his is the write person so he cast the spell and am so
    happy with my husband with two kids with this, the man is great and
    his spell casting is real thanks to my friend may God almighty bless
    you all from norah lewis.