Women using men for money is as old as men using women for sex. Yet anytime the topic of women tying to get over comes up, people attack the idea with vigor. The only other topic that generates a similar outrage is men on the DL. And this is why whenever any media outlet needs to generate ratings/sales, they bring up girls who are only about getting the green (or men humping men while claiming their straight.)
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Anyway, I wasn’t home to  see it for myself, but so I’m told Monday’s Dr. Phil was called “Gold-Digging Secrets Revealed.” Black History Month is over, so I guess the producers had no qualms about putting two Black women on the panel to talk about being all about the Benjamins, bay-bee. I don’t have a DVR (I rarely watch TV) so had to go to the Dr. Phil website to get the low-down and view a couple clips. What I found, frankly, was fascinating.
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The lead gold-digger is Baje, a strikingly beautiful 25 (ahem)-year-old self-proclaimed gold-digger. She’s also a “video model”/actress (reality show contestant, Paris Hilton’s My New BFF)/talent agency owner. And it seems whatever Baje wants, Baje gets. A goal-oriented gold-digger, she keeps a Wish List of items-divided into short-term and long-term– that she would like to obtain. “Every time I meet someone, it’s my goal to have them get something off that list for me,” adds Baje. She’s already accumulated enough money from her suitor(s) to purchase a home, but day-to-day, she looks for men to provide other needs. On the night Dr. Phil’s cameras trailed her to the club, her goal was “a dress, a camera or a BlackBerry.” (more…)

I was reading on Naked With Socks the other day about laid-off men and how they’re handling the recession. Great, honest read about the fears that come up when a steady paycheck is no more.
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Anyway, in the comments section, I came across an interesting exchange that was kinda on-topic/kinda off, but thought-provoking nonetheless:
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From the woman (all quoted posts have been edited for clarity, in case you aren’t going over to NWSO to read):

I think of myself as quite a responsible young lady. And I’m not materialistic at all. But women think of men as providers. And in today’s society, I need somebody that is on my level. I have my own car, own place, professional/office full-time job, and I’m going to school. So I don’t want to sound like a terrible sistah, but if I’m doing all of this for myself, a man can’t really step to me unless he’s doing the same as me or better. If I find out a man lives at his mama’s house, he better have a goal of some sorts. Because no 30+ man should be comfortably living at their mama’s if there are no “situations” that he may be going through at this time. Do we take a chance with a blue-collar man even though his “affairs” may not be in order? I really think a lot of women have these questions in their head. Date him or don’t date him?

His response:

Ok, that’s great, but just like NWSO is no longer employed (it can happen to anybody) is the relationship over when his job is? (more…)

Steve Harvey’s happily married, but some of his best friends are single. And when I interviewed him about relationships and sex, his overarching observation as an outsider to the dating game was summed up succinctly as “grow up, gotdammit!!”
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The delivery doesn’t come across in print, but it was hilarious in context and ever since, I’ve been throwing out that phrase whenever a situation arises that warrants it… And sadly, I find myself saying it often.Awhile back, I attended a 30th birthday celebration for some friends. I met a guy- nice, not my type- and we exchanged numbers. Over the next couple weeks, he text a few times just to say ‘hey’ or ‘what you up to?,’ i.e. general check-ins that had nothing to do with business. Once he asked me to dinner.
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Pause.
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Yes, via text.

Um, texts are not stand-ins for phone calls, just like phone calls are not stand-ins for face-to-face communication. (more…)

I said I wasn’t going to write about this. Amelda (& Parlour) isn’t a gossip blog and I don’t want to dabble in rumors, but I have to address this subject.

Much like the rest of the free world, I’ve been obsessively following news, blogs and any mention of the “Chrianna” domestic violence saga that’s dominated all media for the last week and change. I have an idea of what I think happened but it’s all speculation so I’ll save it. But I’ll stick with what seems to be confirmed: Chris Brown struck Rihanna.

I’ve been mostly appalled by the reactions to it, especially those of Black women. Combing through the comments on TheYBF.com (one of the main blogs following the events) I came across the following comments–all by women– which I’ve divided into four dominant categories, beginning with:

Blaming the victim

“Why is he the only one getting blamed?? SHE could of prevented this whole thing, if she would have minded her business… (more…)

Here’s another in my series on Black Men by Black Men.

Being a black man… I don’t even know where to start or how to begin. I guess I will just say that those issues you speak of never really bother me. (AMELDA NOTE: he’s referring to the email I send outlining daily BS that Black men may encounter such as being denied entry to a bar/club, being mistaken for a sales guy or waiter or more important ish like being passed over for promotions or bank loans.)  Maybe it’s my apathetic attitude. If a cab driver doesn’t want to pick me up? So what?  If I’m alone, then it sucks…but the truth is if I were a cabbie I wouldn’t really want to drive to a “bad” neighborhood either.  And right now it’s perceived that if I’m Black, then I live in a bad neighborhood or I won’t pay. The cabbie can have that attitude. I could care less.  I have money and if that cabbie don’t want it, so be it.

It’s the same at a club. I walk up to the door for this club in Miami. It’s no line. The bouncer has me waiting, so I’m like “ok.”  A group of White people walk up, they get let in.  I’m like ‘ok, maybe they were already inside?’  So I’m still standing there-it’s like 45 second to a minute now– and the bouncer won’t even look at me.  Now I’m like ‘what the fuck?’  Two more white girls get let in. (more…)

Here’s my series on Black Men by Black Men. I’m not sure what details to give on this one. I don’t know if he wants it all out there. So I’ll hold off until I get the go ahead. In the meantime: His essay (it was really long, so I broke it into parts so we could discuss by subject.) Enjoy!
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My [Work] Day: Part I
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Here’s an email I received the other day from one of my best (Black) friends:
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“Once again I walk right into a conversation where racist comments were made.
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I’m headed to the bathroom at work when I overhear one of the managers (white) and 2 of his staff members (white) talking outside the bathroom. Before they see me, the manager says, “I’ll see you guys after the new president [is in office].”

The worker responds saying, “Oh you have Monday off?” (more…)