Most women can rattle off the top five things they want in a man faster than they can state their names. We want a guy with confidence, ambition, the ability to provide for a family, openness, honesty, and a sense of humor. But men that are all of these things want some very specific things in a woman. We often complain that there aren’t any good men out there, but I hear as many men complaining that there aren’t any good women. You may think that because you’re smart, successful, and pretty, any good guy would be lucky to have you, but if it were that simple you wouldn’t be single. So, it comes down to this: would the kind of man you want want you? If you’re having trouble snagging a good guy, try looking at the (wo)man in the mirror. *We love you, Michael!*
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Demure is more: You may think that dressing provocatively will help you snag a man, and it might, but not the kind that’s going to want to settle down. Your cut down-to-there tops and butt cheek-revealing miniskirts scream “I’m desperate for male attention!” and good men aren’t looking for desperate. Your clothing should make you appealing but cover the bits that a good guy knows he’ll only get to see if he earns it. Plus, no man wants to fight off all the sleaze bags who’d be drooling over your exposed boobies.

Party hardly: Good guys don’t spend every weekend in the streets and they won’t consider any woman who does relationship material. If you’re trying to catch a good guy, keep your clubbing and happy hour hopping to a minimum. (more…)

Let me preface this post by stating that advice of any kind shouldn’t be deemed good or bad solely based on its source. People on any side of any issue may be able to offer valuable input. And no matter who’s dishing out the advice, you should always eat the meat and spit out the bone (how to differentiate the two depends on your situation). Generally speaking, though, wise people seek advice from those who are where they want to be. If you’re single, livin’ it up, and have no desire to settle down, asking your single-and-lovin’-it girls for guidance makes perfect sense. But if you’re ready for a serious relationship, asking your single girlfriends for advice about how to make that happen is like asking Stevie Wonder to teach you how to fly a plane. (more…)

There are a plethora of red flags that can signal a lack of interest on the part of a guy you may be dating. And there are as many reasons why he may choose to string you along despite his lack of interest: he’s too much of a coward to break it off properly, he wants to keep you around as back up, sex (if you gave it up before confirming his intentions), etc. Whatever the motivation, it seems that one of the common signs, or excuses as it were, of a guy who’s just not that into you is the playing of the “busy” card.
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I often find myself telling my girl friends, when they’re dating a guy who whips out some version of the busy card (“I just have so much going on right now,” “I probably won’t be able to talk much this week”) that if Donald Trump can find time to date between wives, so can the guy in question. The busiest people I know find time, if only a few minutes, to at least call the people they actually care about talking to. In the early stages of a dating relationship, it’s normal not to hear from the guy every day. But within a few weeks and/or several dates and conversations, a guy knows whether or not he likes you enough to continue moving forward. If he digs you and his advances are reciprocated, he will work to establish a regular pattern of contact. I should note here that regular contact should consist of phone calls and dates—texting should be a supplemental activity reserved for times when phone calls are difficult, like during work hours. You can’t get to know someone via text, and guys are aware of this, (more…)

I have a question for those of you who aren’t having much luck finding a man: Are you checkin’ for guys who are checkin’ for you? Dialing your standards to the appropriate level will eliminate a lot of frustration when it comes to dating. There are good guys out there, but you have to objectively evaluate yourself to know which ones you should bother pursuing. There’s no reason to scrimp on the important inner qualities of a man no matter what your stats are, but if you keep it funky with yourself, you may have to face the fact that the tall glass of water you’re lusting after will never ask you for your number—the chubby, average-looking guy you just shot down is the best you’re gonna do. (more…)

I like to think that my words of wisdom (I use that word lightly) are useful to all of the single ladies who read them. But I’m happy to know that some of my readers are also looking to me for advice about their unique dating dilemmas. Here’s an interesting question from one of your fellow single chicks—many of you will be able to relate—and my response to her. I’ve always wanted to write a “Dear Abby” column…
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Dear Hitched Chick,
I’m dating a man I met online and I want your input. We went out a few times and he started saying he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Then he said we needed to slow things down because he felt we were moving too fast. I didn’t hear from him for a week or so and he told me it was because he had lost his phone, but he knows where I work so he could have called me there. Then he got in touch with me through the dating website and invited me to a movie. I saw him a few days ago and he voluntarily told me he had deleted his online profile because he’d found me. He asked if I had friends we could double date with and told me that I should bring extra clothes to leave at his house for when I spend the night.
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The next day I decided to delete my profile too, but I wanted to check to see if he had actually deleted his. He had not. (more…)

Sometimes it takes a while to realize that a guy isn’t right for you. Maybe things are fine in the beginning, or maybe you were living in denial. But it doesn’t matter if it’s a week, a month, or a year into your relationship—as soon as it becomes clear that your guy is not what you need, you must bid him adieu. Life is short. The people that you choose to bring along on your journey should enhance it, not create more drama and stress. Only you can decide if your guy is fulfilling your needs, but there are a few non-negotiable deal-breakers for which you should always call it quits.
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Cheating: If you and your guy have agreed to be exclusive and have established clear boundaries for your relationship, there is no excuse for cheating. I know that people make mistakes, but cheating is a choice. It’s simply a matter of respect and honesty—two must-haves for any healthy relationship. Furthermore, if you and your guy are supposed to be working toward a future and potentially marriage, cheating is a red flag you can’t afford to ignore. If your guy can’t keep his head straight (pun intended) while you two are dating, marriage certainly won’t solve the problem. (more…)