Married Man, Part II

ameldaart1.jpgThe message from Married Man reads:
R u really that mean and cold? Did I really hurt your feelings that much? I don’t know what else to say or do. I fessed up. I apologized. I made an effort to move forward and you keep shutting me down.
I guess what has me most upset is that you are treating me like I’m this evil pariah of a person when we both know I’m not.
Either way, I’ll say this: I think you’re a decent person despite how you treat me and I hope we can be friends one day. If you choose otherwise then it is what it is. I wish you the best that life has to offer. –NC

(Hey folks, if you don’t know what I’m talking about read last week’s blog)

My immediate reaction: ”hurt?! He thinks I won’t fuck with him because I’m hurt?”

In my angst, I pound out a response reminding him that he didn’t tell me he was married before we kissed, or before we went out, or before all the times we hung out in the city, or before he walked me to my door, or before any of the times we stood in the middle of Eastern Parkway and he looked at me longingly when I bid him goodnight. I write that I don’t speak to him not because I’m hurt, but because he is a liar. Because if he took vows before God and everyone he knows to be faithful to his wife and he deceives her, then what kind of friend could his no morals and no character having self be to me? I ask him again not to call or text or speak or email me anymore. And then I tell him he’s a married whore. And I add a PS telling him to step his game up. He’s 38. He shouldn’t still be pretending to be the victim when he fucked up. Oh, and saying sorry doesn’t make things all better somehow. We’re not toddlers like his daughter.

I look at the screen and re-read it. Edit it for typos and clarity. (I’m a writer, what do you expect?) But then I can’t push Send. I realize that what he wants more than anything is a response. Any response, even an angry one; it’s communication and starts a dialogue. The opposite of like is indifference, not anger or hate. To Send it would be to play his game. I push Delete instead.

I try to do something else relatively work-related. But I can’t focus. I can’t believe the audacity of this n***a. How could he not get why I won’t speak to him?

I focus long enough to do what I always do in times of social distress. I find my boy Tariq.

Tariq gives the letter a read and hits me back with this:

from the guys point of view… (my recollection of the situation may be a lil hazy.. but if i am right in my assumptions and guesses…)
it appears you are acting or being upset on behalf of all married women that have had their husbands cheat on them. So he is like, what the hell, i fessed up, obviously you aren’t the one to do something like what i wanted… i have moved on, and you haven’t… why are u mad at me?
basically just because you’re not willing to help him cheat, he still respects you and wants to be a friend…
it’s a spin on the keep ur friends close and enemies closer mantra… instead he is wanting to keep the attractive girl who once “really liked” him close just in case one day something can happen, and if it can’t, well it’s ok, i still have her as a friend and her friends may do something… a man can never have to many attractive friends… 🙂

I don’t get it. I mean I do, but I don’t. He respects me so he wants to befriend me (with hopes that I’ll give in someday)? But if I have enough sense/morals not to date a married man, wouldn’t it follow that I also wouldn’t make a friend out of someone who lies to God, his wife, and me?

He really thinks we can be friends now? Why?!

I swear, I will never understand men, especially the ones who get married and cheat. Why get married?

I click off my computer screen. I hope this is the last time dude hits me.

But what do I do if it’s not?

–Amelda

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