SEX DRIVE: Wipe Me Down

Last week, I had dinner with a male friend of mine and, of course, sex came up. That night’s topic? What’s the best thing a woman’s ever done for you post-coital (ie. after sex for the slow pokes)?

My boy said after a roll in the hay, one young lady got up from the bed, walked to the bathroom, wet a wash cloth with warm water and proceeded to wipe him down gingerly. I repeat, gingerly. Apparently no one wants a rough clean-up. Now, this sounded mildly hilarious to me. Surely, women everywhere don’t actually do this? Especially after my boy compared the experience to being a baby, but the kicker was his reaction to his “bird bath,” as my mother would call it.

“Hills, I was OPEN,” he said.

Hm… Perhaps chics really do fancy this wipe down and maybe it’s akin to swallowing. Once you do it, you’ve got him for life.

Soooooooo, to get to the bottom of this, I surveyed a moderate group of guy friends and here’s what I came up with: No one felt they could out do the wipe down story! In fact, several dudes gave me the same scenario and said, in so many words, the experience got them OPEN.

Here’s a few others that stood out:

“My friend” told me this story where he took this girl out for her birthday. She wasn’t wifey or anything like that, she was actually someone he had only met recently and gone out with maybe two or three times prior. For whatever the reason, she selected him to hang with on her birthday. After dinner and some pool, she came back to his place for a nightcap. One thing led to another and they started making out, somehow or another they ended up in a 69 position.

After a bit he tried to stop and get on with the whole kitten kaboodle, but she refused and demanded the 69 continue. He begrudgingly kept going but wanted more and more to just have sex. Their path of oral erotics went on for who knows how long until he exploded and she consumed him, all of him. While he was exhausted and plastered to the bed, she, on the other hand, excused herself and retired to the bathroom. She returned with a warm wash cloth and thoroughly wiped him down. Not anything like what a typical chick would do. She was intimate, gentle and thorough in every detail of her wipe down and drying. Sure other chicks have done similar acts but there was just something more tender and intimate, especially for a new chick to go all out from swallowing to the tender wipe down from jump. Not the craziest but definitely the most sincere post-sex act by a female immediately following sex. Too bad he never saw her again afterward. Her son died months later, then she got married and has a new baby on way… crazy.”

“I would have to say let me desensitize for a second, then clean me up with her mouth, basically getting me ready for one more shot. That’s what I call handling her business, being a go getter, you know, massaging shit…”

“If I had to guess, I would say letting us roll over and go to sleep with no additional conversation is at the top of the list. The warm towel treatment is always great too. For the softer folks, a heartfelt, tear-jerking confession by a young lady also comes to mind. She told me how much it meant to her to experience the presence of a man who has grounded values like mine.”

“Hm, I’ve had all those things happen, cook, get a warm towel, etc, but nothing amazing. Plus, it’s what happens during sex that can be amazing not after.”

“The keepers are the ones that make you cum and then stroke or suck it back to life for another round! Yes! Or play with it while you sleep! Gotta keep her.”

“Leave.” (this was everyone’s knee-jerk reaction joke.)

“One girl use to clean my crib after, that was kinda cool.”

“After we finished, she got up and got me some McDonald’s and filled my tank up with gas. I was like, “You’re the SHIT!”

Next time on SEX DRIVE, what do women see as the ultimate post-coital act? I’m taking emails ladies. Hit me at and ’til next time… did you masturbate today? You should’ve.

ps. And for giggles, any excuse to play this is good enough for me.

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Last 5 posts by Hillary aka Steely D