The “T” Word

Marriage is an evolving thing. Most folks think you jump the broom and viola, that’s the end. I always believed marriage is like a new beginning. Even good relationships require work, but where do you draw the line from “we puttin’ in work” to “this thing ain’t gonna work?” It’s just a general question, don’t get alarmed, I’m not thinking about the “D” word. But in the wheel of fortune that is my marriage, another letter came up. Can I get a “T,” Pat? “T” for therapy, that is.

One day when wifey and I were “discussing” the lack of intimacy in our relationship (actually it was me saying, “there is a lack of intimacy in our relationship” as if she wasn’t aware that we don’t have sex. lol…) and she asked me if I thought we should go to therapy. My response was swift and authoritative.


So I ask this question to ya’ll, why are us colored folk so afraid of the “T” word? It seems to be taboo for us, while I know white people who go to therapy all the time (or at least all the white people I see on TV anyway).

I don’t exactly know why I am so against marriage counseling but it just seems weird to me. Inviting a marriage counselor into the mix is like bringing in a sweet ‘lil tenderoni for a threesome – it just doesn’t work. I think most intimacy issues stem from a lack of communication, so at the point when you have to bring in a third party to mediate a conversation between man and wife, I think that things become problematic.

It’s sorta like how the U.S. is supposedly trying to mediate a war between the Sunnis and the Shiites in Iraq and we all see how that is working. So is a marriage counselor supposed to leave a husband and wife with the tools to govern their own relationship, much like how the U.S. is supposed to teach Iraq how to govern their own country? It doesn’t really add up. Furthermore, a marriage counselor’s whole business is dependent on problematic relationships, so is it really in their best interest to help you? Or do they just want to keep you coming back? Seems like some serious bullshit to me. Or it could just be our pride… multi-ethnic males just have trouble taking a loss and admitting that we are having problems in the bedroom, or in living room or in the bathroom for that matter.

So how do we make things better?

I think it starts with being completely and totally honest with our better halves. The truth exists whether we choose to acknowledge it or not and no one wants an elephant in their room (No Fat Joe). I think I’m gonna start being honest tonight and tell wifey that I’ve been dying to make a sex tape with our new HD cam- ’cause I’m a freak like that!

-Al “Brooklyn” Bundy

Currently Listening: “She Needs My Love” – The-Dream (if you’re still sleepin’ on this album, please wake up)

Want more Bundy? Check out his previous post here.

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