Deep Thoughts: The VIP Room.

As an NYC’er, I’m used to attending pretty snazzy album-release/music industry parties. But last night, I attended one that was different. I really wasn’t in the “omg!-hey where have you been-what are you up to-let’s link up soon-kisskiss” type of mood. Me thinks its a combo of getting older, as well the surge in my workload, coupled with a low tolerance for bullshit. Anyway, since my girl wasn’t ready to leave (damn you Mahogs!), I rolled to VIP, perched myself on a seat where I could see the entire room and decided to treat myself to an evening of people watching…bringing me to pose the following questions out loud–well in my head actually, but you get the point…

1. These days, what is really the big deal about the VIP Room?
I witnessed about 10 or so people waste the time they could’ve spent getting a free drink (open bar!), arguing with a bouncer to gain VIP room access. Scanning the room, there really wasn’t much to do but sit and look at our “special” selves. No eyecandy per se’, just a few models and minor celebs (reality tv cats, a pageant queen, and a few actors)–now if they were all engaging in something interesting and amazing, I’d be pressed. But they were all boring. I’d be more interested in looking at a monkey eat crackers.
Is there anything else to do inside VIP, besides drink someone’s bottle service and try to get noticed without looking like you’re trying? Yes, there is the celeb element, but unless you are Superhead, someone’s manager or a true friend of theirs–you have nothing in common other than a “hi.” Keep it movin’! It’s sexier. This excludes the time when I just had to step to Busta Rhymes back in 2006 (when VIP rooms were hot!) and ask him if he was willing to take back that Five Percenter “There’s only 5 years left!” statement he made in “Everything Remains Raw.” He now hates me. BUT, the real fun is always on the dance floor anyway. Why? Because there’s nothing better than seeing the tipsy girl dance and there’s ALWAYS a tipsy girl.

2. Are all men in the entertainment “industry” required to be 5’9″ or less?
I am a tall woman at 5’9″, and on average, I see most men eye-to-eye. However, that evening it occured to me that I was an amazon compared to 85% of the fellas in the VIP. I’ve always chalked up successful, short male entertainers to having a napoleon complex, manifested in their work. But c’mon!!! Must every man come eye-level to my left nipple? I blame American public schools and Chinese carryouts! Seriously. School milk made girls grow boobs at 10 years old, while the boys stopped growing at 11. I’m not a vertical hater and will date/have dated shorter guys before, but my love of heels and their self esteem never seemed to click. I could go to the NBA or NFL but I really don’t have the stamina that the check-chasing-chicks have. Sigh…….this made me order cocktail number two. I salute every woman taller than I, I really do.

3. Socializing means talking to actual people…
Remember when 2-way pagers where all the rage? They looked like mini-evening clutches? Besides being chunky, they also started one of the worst trends ever, club texting. We are all guilty of this, and for good reason: spouse, finding friends, booty calls, “don’t do it girl” warnings, etc. But unless you are a wall-street trader or reporting on the event, basically earning dough–is it really necessary to keep your device on blast the whole time? WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? Really! There are drinks, dancing, eye candy all around you, not to mention that folks you came with. Try talking to them. Nothing is worse than seeing two dudes at a table with their heads buried in their tele-screens simultaneoulsy. You gets no love.

4. There is no photo-shoot in the VIP room…is there?
This VIP room was by no means outside, nor was it daylight, nor was it even brightly lit. It was dark, smelled like weed and had one of the worst designs for traffic flow in the world. Trendy? Yes. Glamorous? No. So it still boggled the mind to witness more than a few people roll through cloaked in designer shades. I swore someone was gonna walk into the wall. Why the sunglasses? Why are you arching your back and not moving? There are no ‘razzzi’s present…hell, you aren’t even famous! Let it be said, sunglasses are good for the sun, even indoors during the day, or on airplanes when you don’t want to don makeup. Unless you are at an infamous level, there is no real need to overdo it in the club with the spectacles. The real power players are the ones you would never suspect anyway.

Taking all of the above into consideration, I’ll probably be back in someone else’s release party VIP room pretty soon…asking the same things no less. What can I say? I just love the look of it.

With Parlour Love,


Currently listening to: “Love In This Club” by Usher (check out our interview with him!)

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