Estelle’s ‘No Substitute Love’

Here’s Estelle’s new clip “No Substitute Love,” a song about what I refer to as “relationals.” You know, like when you’re dating a guy for a long time with no commitment but each of you know the other’s quirks and feel semi-obligated to spend time…blah blah…I’m attaching a blog a friend wrote awhile ago explaining this phenomenon. Tell me what you think…

RELATIONALS: After teaching a couple of my DC buddies how to play bones and scream out “DOMINO MU’FUCKA!!!” like on Snoop’s first record—Cali style-E of course—we got into a convo about relationships…or lack thereof. Knew it was gonna happen, with 3 chics and 3 dudes, nobody was dating, everybody just friends. You know how that goes…

FIRST: You’re probably like what is a relational…comically, my boy and I had a conversation earlier this year about folks that are in undefined situations (read: relationships) and because no one’s ever made the situation exclusive it can’t be an “official relationship” BUT you’re dealing with each other like bf or gf? THAT’S a relational.

RELATIONAL CHECKLIST: if these joints apply to you-watch your back!
you’ve been dating and/or sleeping with this person steady for longer than 5-6 months with no commitment
when they page or call you, you hit them back quickly because “you don’t want to hear their mouth” or you don’t hit them purposely to punish them for something they’ve done
when you use the bathroom at their apartment, you have your own towel, toothbrush and/or soap
you guys have arguments about little things like him/her wearing shoes in your shoe-less apartment, dirty dishes or hair in the shower because you’ve had to tell them one too many times
you guys routinely spend time together a couple times a week and when the QT doesn’t happen, someone has to explain
songs like Plies’ “shawty,” 50’s “Follow My Lead,” John Legend’s “Another Again” or any other “I really like you but we’re not together” tracks remind you of that person
your friends know you’re together but NOT together
you’ve ever had to say, “I’m sorry” for some shit that prolly wasn’t your fault to keep the peace

If more than three of these predicaments apply to you, you might want to either lock that situation down, or move on because—take it from me—that joint could go on for YEARSSSSSSSS, lol…


Now the men in last night’s convo brought up a good point, saying people only treat you as you allow them and if women folk allow the men folk to get away with “relationals” (not to say that chics aren’t instigating relationals too, we do) then we’re enablers. I had to agree. You know when you’re in some dead end situation that’s never going to mature for whatever reason. Like Keyshia Cole said- “you need to get if he don’t wanna love you the right way he ain’t gonna.” Many of us ladies like/love the dude so much, we’ll take their presence in any wack ass form…but FUCK THAAAAAAAAAAAT. Move on, or else you’ll most likely miss the person that WILL take their shoes in your apartment, wash the dishes and keep the shower clean.

Hells yeah-

Steely D

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