…Says the Single Girl: Getting to Know You

If there was a way to skip past the first three months of courtship and ease in to mid-stride of a relationship I think the world would be a better place. Not to mention we could avoid all of the dumb shit that comes out of people’s mouths in their attempt to win us over or brush us off. Once you’ve reached a certain age the line of questions gets old:
“What’s you’re favorite color?”
“How big is your family?”
“Really, you have ten fingers and ten toes too?”

Perhaps the biggest thing I want to avoid is the “Fronter”. The Fronter is the man or woman who has perfected the art of living a lie just long enough for you to fall for them and once you have taken the bait their story turns around and you see them for the turd that they are.

“I thought you said you went to Harvard?”

“No, I said I went to the Harvey Ward Institute for Technology.”

“I thought you said your father was dead.”

“No, I said he was dead to me.”

Then there’s dealing with the wackness of the “I don’t know you, but I know you well enough to know I don’t want to date you” brush off.

One friend of mine was talking to this guy (yes, talking…I live in New York, we “talk” here as a preliminary to dating) and when she hadn’t heard from him in a three days, she decided to call him.

Girl: “Hey, haven’t heard form you in a while. How are you doing?”

Dumbass: “Oh yeah, I was out of town. I went to Africa.”

Girl: “Africa! Wow, you went and came back in three days? What part?”

Dummy: “I don’t even remember, somewhere on the east side.”

People, just be straight with yourself and who you date. The first three months should be “no harm, no foul.” We can’t take anything personally. Anything that fizzles and dies during that time is less of an attack on who you are as a person and more of you just not fitting into what the other wanted. You don’t get a call after the third date? Boo, don’t take it personal. Your interview process is over and you just aren’t right for the job. I bet if there were some scientific study we’d find that 80% of couple who date stop after the first three months. Three months (if you are dating consistently) is just the right time to suss someone out. Just like how after two years of being in a relationship you know whether you want to marry that person or not.

Right around three months is when the cracks in the façade start to show. Ladies pull that scarf out when we are sleeping over, frustrated that for the past few weeks we were fucking our hair up at night just to impress you. Not anymore. Fellas let that fart slip out when you’re sitting on the couch not caring if we catch a whif, in fact, he’ll announce it. I personally prefer months six to nine, when it’s a mixture of newness yet you’ve gotten 50% of the package unwrapped and you have a good sense of what you might be getting.

What’s your favorite time?

—Says the Single Girl

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