Non-committal Coffee

Recently I was with my friend Samy, who moved to Paris in January to pursue a career in fashion.  Samy is one those people you would call “universally pretty,” meaning that you can put her in most situations and any woman of any race would say that she is attractive. Even better she has a kind heart, great personality and intelligence to go along with her beauty. This is why I was surprised to find myself wondering after a recent conversation with her if she lost her mind.

Samy is a 25 year-old African-American and she’s been dating a Frenchman for the last four months. It began as a jump off (not sure what term the French use) and, like many women, Samy made the fatal mistake of letting her heart get involved.

The kicker is that the French guy told her up front that he did not want a relationship. I’m not sure if it was lost in translation but now that she is all in love, he is still standing firm on not wanting to be committed.

Samy is telling me the story over coffee.  She is confused by his actions and I am confused as to why she is confused. Just because he is French does not change the fact that he is a man as well. Beyond him being part of the male species, he was honest upfront.

I ask her what it is about him that she is feeling. Samy looks me straight in the eye and says “I don’t know”. She tells me how he’s 32 year-old and works at the box office of a movie theater. At this point I am totally confused as to how she got caught up with what she describes as an “unmotivated movie ticket taker.”

She goes on to say that her problem with him is that he doesn’t having any real ambition. His latest thing is that he wants to be a writer. Great I think…until she tells me that he wants to write in English. We both crack up laughing. I am close to crying because the last time I spoke to him he could barely speak a complete sentence in English. On a good day writing a novel in English is a stretch and may very well end up being his lifelong ambition. Samy and I continue to joke about her little Frenchman.  We finish our coffees and part ways.

After laughing so hard, I begin to feel sorry for Samy. In reality is the joke on her? Being in love with a man who doesn’t love you is no laughing matter. When will we realize how we start a relationship typically sets the tone for the remainder of the relationship, for better or for worse.

-French Kissed

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