Says the Single Girl: Mark Your Calendar

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and if you don’t have a boo lined up by now, guess what? You aren’t going to get one!

Sorry to break the bad news to you. All you out there praying to the heavens above for that knight or princess to come to your heart’s rescue, save your breath. You’ve fallen victim to Love’s Black Out Dates.

Don’t bother looking on a calendar cause you won’t see it. Most people don’t know about the freeze period of August 30 – February 15.

Each year during these dates, little to no action takes place for people who are single with no prospects. You failed to line up a roster to carry you through the fall/winter and find yourself slightly bummed when Thanksgiving rolls around and you can’t add to your prayer, “I’m thankful for my boy/girlfriend.”

Some weeks later, you grow sullen because you’re only getting gifts from your parents and best friend who bought you something ’cause she has a man and doesn’t want to find you with slit wrists in the bathtub ’cause no one is there to kiss you under the mistletoe. By time the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Day, the depression has hit. You won’t crawl from the cave until the snow melts and the springtime birds are chirping.

All of this would have been preventable if you had planned accordingly.

You’ll never look at a calendar the same way again:

The Single Folks Holiday Calendar

April 1: New Year’s Day

Forget January 1. For the uncoupled, the New Year starts in April when eligible bachelor/ettes come out of hibernation. You mark this celebration by attending more functions, flirting and indugling in some non-committed sex here and there.

May – August 1: Hunting Season

Find a target, correction, several targets.

Aim.

Shoot!

If you fire at 10 targets (yes, cast a wide net) you are bound to hit at least five. Two of them will be straight garbage. Leave them in the woods. You should be able to do something with the remaining three. By August, one of the three well be the lone prize. The other two will have canceled themselves out for one reason or another.

August 1 – 30: The Fire Sale

It’s the homestretch and that lone prize is looking like they deserve a spot on your mantelpiece but you can’t help but wonder what else is out there before you get your ladder and duster. Before you know it you have two more contenders. You’ve made up your mind that this trio is going last you for the rest of the year.

August 30 – Feb 15: Love Lockdown

If you stocked your pantry with the right supplies you’re set. The 3-man roster is shaping up. They entertain, love, tease and please you. By November you are clear about either getting serious with one of them or maintaining the no-strings attached arrangement (one of them will dislike this and bow out gracefully leaving you with two. One you really, really like and the one that really, really likes you.)

If you don’t have someone and you are all alone, stay in the no-strings attached zone, or the “I like you as a friend” squad. These months can be lonely but don’t worry. The New Year is close and this time you should mark your calendar vow to not repeat the past.

Happy New Year!

— Says the Single Girl

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