…Says the Single Girl: A Moment of Silence

During the last few weeks of 2008, I couldn’t seem to escape two words. I would hear them at the dinner table with friends, holiday parties with co-workers and on dates with men who really showed their cards. After being inundated with these seven letters I welcome you to the…

Memorial Service

for the Words/Phrase/Mentality of

“Jump Off”

Please turn to your program guide. I’ll be reading the eulogy found on page 4.

Hmmm Mmmm..

Jump Off, you first found your way into our vernacular a couple years back. No one can say for sure when you first emerged. I personally know that you came into my life around 2001. I, like most of the women here today, was fresh out of college, working my first full-time job. We were grown women, independent women at that, so when we were first approached about a no-strings attached sex deal naturally we thought: ‘Why not? What’s the worst that can happen?’

Little did we know that by accepting a J.O. not only were we prolonging what should have been our developmental dating years–understanding the dynamics of a man and relationships–we were also numbing ourselves to feeling anything.

For years we played by your rules:

#1 – No Feelings

The benefits of you, J.O., is to not have to deal with the highs and lows of emotions that naturally come with getting to know and care for someone. At first sign of the warm and gooey it’s time to go. Someone catching feelings will undoubtedly ruin a love-less union.

#2 – No/Limited Public Outings

Similar to the age old question: If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a noise? Well, according to you J.O.: If no one ever sees us together, do we really exist? Once a third party bares witness to a J.O situation, that leaves room for one of us to save face and give definition to something that is nothing more than bed buddies.

#3 – Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

When it comes to you, J.O. this is more serious than the military. When you are around there is no need for explanations nor are you welcome to ask us any questions about where I was last night, who called while I was in your bed or what I’m doing for Valentine’s Day. If you feel the right to know such information you’ve broken the understanding that with us there is no lines of communication other than: “What time should I get to your place,” “Do you need condoms,” and “Did you find my underwear?”

I won’t deny that we had some good, no, great times together but if the Fat Boys can break up, so can we.

You are dead to me.

Now, I’m speaking from the heart and I hope that Jump Off, wherever you are, you hear these words.

Friends, I’m here to help bury and stomp on the grave of these two words that have helped destroy the fundamental understanding of what a relationship is as well as stunt our growth as men and women.

It’s one thing to be a J.O. when you are 21, 22, 23 but understand that as you grow older the longer you are a J.O. the dumber you get. Seriously, you become accustomed to dealing with the bullshit–calling after a certain time and on certain days, creeping around friends and family like you’ve having an affair. Oh, the biggest thing! Turning down real dates or prospects because you’ve grown so attached to your J.O.

J.O.’s aren’t real. All the more reason for us to leave it and all it’s falsies in the past. Moving forward I encourage you to denounce these two words and the mindset that goes along with it.

Instead, revive the word DATING!

You know, you can have sex with someone you are dating just like you would with a J.O. but chances are if you are dating that person you genuinely like them and don’t throw up in the mouth when they fall sleep after sex at your crib or ask to see you during daylight.

Let’s try it together.

“I’m meet his great guy/girl. We’ve been DATING for three months.”

Much better than:

“Me and shorty been Jumping Off for three months.”

When was the last time you went to a wedding and heard the best man say in his toast ‘I remember when this happy couple met. Jill and Sam Jumped Off for eight months before he took her out on a real date and now two years later, we’re here.’


Grab your shovel; I’ll meet you out back.

— Says the Single Girl


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