Time for Something New


I’ve never questioned my preference for black Men. Since coming to France, I have had to open myself to Something New. This happened for several reasons…first, I wanted to be open to finding love despite its packaging and secondly…out of necessity. What does that mean? After being here for a few months, I realized that when I was out French brown men did not approach me.

Even when my French friend Gail’s boyfriend Leonelle whose parents are from Martinique—(read brown skin) introduced me to his friends, I would not be telling the truth if I didn’t say I noticed that all of his brown friends were with French women (read: not of color).

There was a lesson for me to learn. Too often African-American women potentially miss out on true love by limiting themselves to only black men. As the months have passed in France, I quickly realized if I followed the “only date black men” rule I had in the States that I would be alone here in France.

My suspicions were confirmed last week while out with Sydney, an American friend, and Alexis, who is from the UK and not brown. We were having drinks at a bar I frequent. Everyone at the bar showers us with attention except one bartender who ironically, besides us, is the only other person of color. Interestingly enough this night he begins chatting us up immediately...Sydney thought it was because he was interested in Alexis. Alexis and the bartender went out the next night. After the date she told us that the reason the bartender did not talk to us is that he said he is not attracted to black women.

I mentioned this to a French guy Med who is friends with the bartender. Med thought about it for a second and then dropped a bomb. He said as a matter of fact none of the French Noire (read: black) friends he grew up with are attracted to black women. Then he asked me why I think this is and if this happens in the States. I was quiet when I realized that I didn’t have enough words in my French vocabulary to do service to the topic. But I have to admit I have been thinking about it every since.

Thoughts ladies?

-French Kissed

Want to feel like you’re traveling without moving? Read the rest of French Kissed’s experiences here.

Last 5 posts by French Kissed

  • Just got back from Paris and got a ton of love from white men and the same level of disinterest from the the brothers that i am used to in NYC.
    This has plagued me for years and I am ready to let it go and stop thinking about it. Trust me when I tell you it doesn’t keep the brothas up at night. No reason for us to lose any more sleep.
    Take the love where you get it. And as my mother said “who cares? Either way your kids will be brown…”

  • Djuna

    When we went to Paris as teenagers, (2 teens of color) we had so much attention from handsome white men that it was a little scary. In Indiana, it was the opposite from black and white guys alike. It seemed as if we didn’t look like Christie Brinkly, we got no love. However, in Paris, we were “Christie Brinkly”! If I were you, I would savor every last second of your experience there because when you come back….


    Catching up on your blog (love the insights!)… On my travels in France (Paris and Provence) I did meet some black African French men who were attracted to black women, but on the other hand I did definitely notice (and appreciate) the black couples I saw because it was so infrequent. That said, I’m glad you embraced my diversifying your portfolio mantra lol. Make sure you keep it up now that you’re back stateside! I’m not saying give up on dating black men, quite the opposite; explore all your options. If you only date older men, date a younger one as well, only musicians/artists date a banker or a doctor. You’ll be surprised what you discover once you open yourself up to the possibilities!