Canned: A 10-Step Program

cannedAs of last month, there are 11.6 million Americans out of work. And things aren’t showing any signs of slowing down; layoffs have even hit members of the Parlour Fam, including yours truly. (I’m lovely, really!) So it’s no surprise that I get calls nearly every week from poor souls asking for advice on how I’m coping with being laid-off. As with most things in my life, it’s easier to just write it down. Here’s my program for dealing, and here’s hoping you never have to use it!
1. Be upset.
For, like, a day. Then…
2. Be happy.
Yes, I know there are bills to pay and bellies to fill, but take a moment to count your blessings: You’ve just been forced to reevaluate the trajectory of not just your professional life, but the whole darn thing. Take advantage of it! Were you really happy with where your career was headed? Do you want to find another gig in the same field, or go after the dream job that you were too chicken-shit to chase before? Maybe now is the time to go back to school (it’s a great time, incidentally—you can build up your skills and be prepared to step back into the fray when the market rebounds). Don’t just figure out what you don’t want to do, work on figuring out what you do want to do.

Bottom line: It may take a while, but use this forced downtime to ask yourself some serious questions. Write down the answers, and refer back to it whenever you lose your way.

3. File for unemployment. Your job should have given you the pertinent info. The process varies by state; just Google “unemployment” and your state. File as soon as you can (you might have to wait a week depending on how much you made in the week you were let go) and know that you’ll have a one-week waiting period before you’ll start to collect. When it comes to receiving your money, I’m fond of the direct deposit option, though you can opt to have your money put on a dedicated debit card. Fingers crossed that you max out ($405 here you come!), but be sure to let Uncle Sam take his 10% up front—until the unemployment insurance tax is repealed, you have to pony up. Better now than later.

4. Update your résumé. Yeah, you probably tweaked it the last time your boss pissed you off in the weekly staff meeting, but you need to revisit it now. Add an end date to your latest gig, then change everything to past tense. Now look at it for content: are you selling yourself with specific results-driven descriptions? Do your entries work for the new path that you picked in step #2? If it needs a major overhaul, call your alma mater and ask if they have an alumni career services program; most do, and they’re free. Your state also likely offers a résumé revamp service once you are approved for unemployment insurance; just be sure to take both electronic and hard copies to speed along the process.

5. Reach out. Now that you know what you want to do next—and have the updated résumé to support it—reach out to your network. Keep the tone light and upbeat; nobody wants to be around Debbie Downer. Send an email telling everyone in your network that you’ve been laid-off, and that you feel good about it (see #2). Paste in your résumé, too (if you make folks open an attachment, they won’t). Then tell them what specific help you need. Are you looking for consulting work? Say so. Need connections in the HR departments of all the financial firms in your town? Speak up. If you’re planning to start your own business designing websites, use this as an opportunity to announce it; folks are always happy to throw work in the direction of the broke. Strike while the sympathy is fresh.

6. Make moves. But you can’t just put out the call and chill on your couch in your jammies (much), you’ve got to make opportunities for yourself. Create profiles on LinkedIn and every industry-specific job search-site you can think of. Set up daily alerts for jobs that fit your next step, and ask former colleagues and clients to write endorsements for you on LinkedIn. While you’re at it, change your status on all your social networking profiles to something that suggests you need a new gig. Closed mouths don’t get fed.

7. Get personal. Now you need to reach out to folks individually. The general email you sent out should have brought some leads to you, but if you know that your best friend’s cousin works at the company where you’d like to land, email her and ask for a lunch date. Getting out there and letting people see your face (and asking them for what you want) is critical. It’s not good enough to ask someone to let you know if a job opens up, because there aren’t any jobs opening up right now—we’re in a recession, people. Ask for an introduction to the person who could hire you, then set up a lunch with them. It’s all about expanding your network, so that yours is the face that pops up when they can add to the headcount. Also, look into consulting for your old company. They can’t afford to keep your fabulous self on staff, but the work still needs to be done.

8. Reevaluate your expenses. You’ll already be saving by eating lunch at home, but there’s probably more fat to be trimmed. Can you cut back on your cell phone plan now that you’re at home all day? Do you really need HBO and Showtime? Get a clear picture of your finances by creating an account on; it tracks all your spending, and it works retroactively, so you can upload past banking activity, watch your personal spending patterns emerge, then do something about them.

9. Get insured. Yes, it’s expensive, but if you can’t grab health insurance from your spouse or industry union, spring for the COBRA, or see if you qualify for a state-funded program. Every year, more people are bankrupted by medical expenses than any other debt. Don’t be that chick.

10. Help others. You’re on the job sites anyway, keep an eye open for gigs that are perfect for your friends. The more job emails they get from you, the more you’ll be on their minds when they’re looking.

Bonus step: Stock up on Spam. I hear it’s cheap…

What are your coping strategies for getting laid off? Lay ’em on me!


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