Last weekâ€™s post (â€œMake Him Buy the Cowâ€) received some dubious comments from a couple of skeptical readers. So this week, assuming that those ladies arenâ€™t alone in their concerns, Iâ€™ve decided to address the aforementioned comments. But before I go on, I should point out that while a lot of my advice applies to all dating women, when it comes to issues (like sex) where a woman who is looking to settle down and a woman who wants to play the field might need different advice, Iâ€™m talking to my commitment-minded ladies who want to find, catch, and keep â€œthe one.â€
Question: What qualifies Hitched Chick as an expert on dating?
Answer: Obviously, I am not a certified dating expert, if such a thing exists. I got the idea for this blog after having countless discussions with my girlfriends about dating and relationships and realizing that most (though certainly not all) of my single friends had one thing in common: they had not figured out how to set and stick to an unwavering standard for themselves and any man they date. Even the ones who want to get married waste time dating the wrong men, hoping they can change them and they delude themselves into believing that to attract the right kind of man, they donâ€™t have to adjust some of their own behaviors. My advice is meant to serve as a reminder that establishing a lasting relationship is as much about making smart choices as it is about falling in love. Also, I have been party to some enlightening conversations between my husband and his single friends. Seeing both sides of the coin has made me aware that many women have no idea what theyâ€™re up against when it comes to dealing with men and I feel obliged to offer some assistance to my fellow females.
Question: Why are all the discussions about sex focused on women being or not being â€œeasyâ€? What about guys giving it up too easily?
Answer: You show me a man who isnâ€™t â€œeasyâ€ and Iâ€™ll show you a comatose quadriplegic. Most men, especially those who want to settle down, are walking oxymorons when it comes to sex and relationships: they want sex, but they wonâ€™t want you if you give it to them too soon. Chalk it up to life not being fair, but weâ€™d all be single if we held men to the same standards they hold us to. Women who are ready for a committed relationship canâ€™t dwell on these injustices; they just have to stay a step ahead. This is not to say that women shouldnâ€™t set standards regarding the sexual history and habits of a potential partnerâ€”quite the opposite, in fact. But we have to understand that men and women have different priorities when it comes to selecting a mate. We donâ€™t want to scrimp on stability and ambition any more than a man wants to scrimp on marrying a â€œgood girl.â€ Donâ€™t believe me? A little internet research will uncover hundreds of surveys in which men reveal that that they want to marry a woman who, among other things, desires them alone and does not have too many guys to compare them to in bed. Do you want to prove that you can maintain the same sexual practices as a man and still find a good one to marry you, or do you want to actually get married? Itâ€™s your call.
Comment: When you find the right guy you wonâ€™t have to play the waiting â€œgame.â€
Response: Making a guy wait isnâ€™t a game; itâ€™s a way for commitment-minded women to weed out men who are only interested in a short-term, good time and show commitment-minded men that they mean business. You may be aware of a situation where a couple experienced an amazing connection, had sex on the first date, and still got married, but please donâ€™t bank on that being you. Itâ€™s just not the norm. Men have a sixth sense for â€œeasyâ€ women. They can tell if you really â€œnever do this kind of thing,â€ or if your nickname around town is â€œEasy Does It.â€ While youâ€™re going through guys hoping for the one whoâ€™ll love you despite your loose ways to come along, some of those guys are putting rings on the fingers of women who knew how to postpone pleasure long enough to find out what the relationship is really made of.
Question: What about a womanâ€™s desire for sex? What role does that play?
Answer: Of course women desire sex; thereâ€™s something wrong with a woman who doesnâ€™t. But people have a lot of desires that have to be curbed or properly channeled in order to achieve a goal. Women who want to get married have to approach dating differently. You may not want to believe it, but giving into all of your sexual desires could keep you from snagging Mr. Right. Men are, by nature, more territorial than women. If you sleep with a guy you barely know because you desire him, his instincts will tell him that youâ€™ve done the same thing with lots of other guys. He could have turned out to be Mr. Right, but youâ€™d never know because no man wants to â€œwifeâ€ a woman whose territory has already been conquered by a football team. Fair or not, â€œsexually seasonedâ€ is not a quality that most men want in a wife.
Ladies, you may not want to accept that your choices regarding sex can seal the fate of your relationship, and you may think it unfair that women are subject to the scrutiny of men when it comes to this issue, but that doesnâ€™t make it any less fact. The sooner you accept the truth, the sooner youâ€™ll reap the rewards.
Last 5 posts by Hitched Chick
- Check Yourself - November 30th, 2009
- Stop Asking Your Single Girls for Advice - July 27th, 2009
- Nobody's THAT Busy - July 13th, 2009
- Play in Your League - July 6th, 2009
- "Help Me Hitched Chick: Guy to Keep or Online Creep?" - June 22nd, 2009