…Says The Single Girl: I Picked the Wrong Friend

Dear Single Girl

I’ve been seeing this young lady for six weeks. So far, things have been cool but I can tell there are no real sparks there for me. I can’t speak for her. I assume she likes me a lot cause she calls and always wants to hang out.

Last weekend she and I went to a mutual friend’s engagement party. There was one woman there who caught my attention from jump. She was there alone, friendly, beautiful, with an amazing personality.

She is good friends with the woman I’m seeing.

When I first met (let’s call her) Jill, it was at another friend’s birthday party. Jill and I have a lot of friends in common. I vaguely remember seeing “the friend” there. Then as Jill and I began dating we would bump into the friend but I thought nothing of it.

At the engagement party I finally got a chance to see “the friend” in her full glory.

It became super clear that I picked the wrong friend.

What can I do to? Is it too late to switch? Will “the friend” ever date me or must she comply with her girlfriend code?


I want this woman, badly.

– Jumped the Gun

Dear Jump –

I’m afraid you are going to have to charge this one to the game. You said it best yourself, you jumped the gun. You set your sights on one woman before you fully surveyed her surroundings, influencers and friends.

We don’t realize how important it is to know the friends of who we hope to date until its too late.

The thing to know with women is this:

– if they are close they will never cross one another, at least not publicly.

– “the friend” might have feelings for you but her acting on them depends solely on how close she is with Jill.

– if Jill is as enamored with you as you say you can forget it. Once you end it with her your name is mud to all those within earshot of her.

This doesn’t mean that all hope is lost. You can table this, end it with Jill and hope to run into “the friend” several months from now.

Six weeks isn’t a lot to hold on to and hopefully within six months to a year, Jill will have moved on and news of you and “the friend” dating will be water under the bridge.

Let’s be real, you don’t owe Jill anything outside of the courtesy of telling her that this is going nowhere. Who you choose to date or pursue is on you. Just ask yourself this, is there a way to get to know “the friend” without making it seem like you are a scumbag? If Jill wasn’t in the picture, do you think you and “the friend” would have a shot?

Sometimes, it’s simply a case of wanting what you can’t have.

Good luck,

…Says The Single Girl

Bravely read the rest of her dating tips for Parlouristas here. Do you have a story to tell or a question for Single Girl? You can reach her directly at SingleGirlNotes@gmail.com. Don’t be shy!

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