…Says The Single Girl: Negotiating a Lover

Back in my younger days, I had a lovely stable of lovers who I held on retainer. If I wasn’t in a serious relationship I could call on one (only one) to hold me down for a period of time.
Each short-term work assignment was carefully planned.
It was never to last longer than 4-5 months. After 5 months the routine would lead to feelings and a break would be in order for an undetermined period of time.
My guidelines included:
– No more than 2 “meetings” a week
– No questions asked about other contracts unless those contracts were being “worked out” at the same time

    This was no perfect plan. Nothing ever ran smoothly. There were always problems but for the most part both parties were satisfied.

    At the top of the year, I burned all contracts and have been a free agent.

    Then, last week I received an IM from a guy I know pretty well.

    “SG, I really am attracted to you. I’m not good at dating right now. The recession has me screwed up but I won’t mind having a no-strings attached romp with you.”


    Folks, this is no way to negotiate a lover.

    There is a course of action that must take place: (you know I love my lists)

    1 – prior to drafting up a lover contract you must hang out with your prospect solo and in public. This allows you to see how they behave as a normal person. What you get behind closed doors isn’t who they truly are. That’s their sexual being. By getting to seem them in the outside world you won’t become tricked into think who they are in the bedroom is them all the time. Sweet lovers can be asses in public and vice versa.

    2 – you have to like your prospect lover as a person and friend. Who wants to lay next to someone you don’t like or respect.

    3 – learn what your lover likes. Don’t try too much, too soon and ruin what might have been a great partnership in the bed room

    4 – discuss your exit plan. What will you do if things turn ugly. Who will be the bigger person?

    Needless to say, I plan on turning down his offer. The market is shakey and I’d rather wait until I have a sure thing.

    …Says The Single Girl

    Bravely read the rest of her dating tips for Parlouristas here. Do you have a story to tell or a question for Single Girl? You can reach her directly at SingleGirlNotes@gmail.com. Don’t be shy!

    Get updates from SG @ TWITTER.COM/The_Single_Girl or check out her site www.saysthesinglegirl.com

    Last 5 posts by The Single Girl